Heart
by swim freak 9000
Summary: This is how it works: you appear inside yourself. You take the things you like, and try to love the things you took. Then you take that love you made and stick into someone else's heart, pumping someone else's blood. Norm/Trudy
1. Life is Good

***hyperventilates***

**Okay. Not gonna lie. I'm freaking terrified to post this. I thought a trailer for this fic would be a good idea. Ha ha, NO. It means people have expectations. Expectations = pressure = panicked little authoress. **

**At the same time, I felt obligated to put this up. I realize some may be OOC, unrealistic, cheesy, etc., but I also worked kind of hard on this, so I'm praying you like it. I hope I balanced out the ridiculously fluffy with the heartbreaking alright. I'm a hopeless romantic, and some of that might have shown through… (sheepish grin)**

**The whole thing is 91ish pages long (yeah, it kind of ran away from me…), and so I split it up into 8 chapters. I'll be posting one every day, in an attempt to make up for taking FOR-EV-ER to post this fic. In my defense, my beloved laptop had a run in with a dog and a can of tomato sauce and needed to be repaired, and the entire WEEK it was gone I had no story. Sad face. But whatever. **

**On with the show.**

**-**

**DAY 1; 15:07 **

"Trudy Chacon."

"Huh? Oh, ah, Dr. Norm Spellman." Norm held out his hand.

The woman in front of him didn't so much as look at it. "Mask on," she said simply, turning to lead him out into the open hangar.

Since he had arrived on Pandora only hours ago, Norm's eyes had been wide open. Sure, he had studied for years. He had seen pictures and videos, read diaries and blueprints, stayed up late cramming for finals and recording himself speaking Na'vi, and forgone all hopes of a social or family life in preparation for his arrival here. But nothing could have prepared him for the real thing.

He had expected to be blown away by the wild planet herself, and his few glimpses of the dense jungle surrounding the base lived up to his every expectation. He'd never seen so much green in his life. However, he had not been prepared to be so blown away by how incredible RDA HQ itself was. He felt as though he was walking in a dream. It was a scientific paradise. The technology was incredible – large robotic suits you could actually put on and walk around in, comprehensive three dimensional maps of the entire planetary surface, DNA decoders, computers the size of his former apartment. One of his favorite discoveries was the massive fridge-like storage unit that housed several hundred samples of the indigenous plant life. He had not yet had time to explore it, but was sure it would keep him entertained for hours in the years to come. He could hardly wait to break the codes of life, find out what made this alien world tick. Ever since he was little he had wanted to learn how things worked. He'd taken apart his parent's microwave when he was six, and had only moved on to bigger and better things from there.

Now he hurriedly pulled the mask on over his face and followed Judy – or was it Trudy? Rudy? Moody? He hadn't really listened – through a door into the hanger. It took every ounce of self control he could muster to keep his jaw from literally dropping.

Gunships, shuttles, one man fighter planes – the place was bursting at the seams with all of them. There were at least two hundred of the most technologically advanced aircraft in the universe in the hangar, and all were right in front of Norm. He walked around, head on a swivel trying to drink it all in at once. He jumped slightly when Trudy's (he was fairly certain it was Trudy) voice brought him back to reality.

"What the hell are you doing!?"

She was yelling at a burly looking mechanic at least two feet taller than her who was adjusting something beneath a raised ship. He paused when he heard her, and upon seeing who was yelling at him grimaced in a "why me?" sort of way. "Fixing your Samson," he replied gruffly. "The one you decided to fly into a cliff last week."

Norm smiled slightly to himself, but Trudy (it had to be Trudy) Chacon was not amused. She stepped forward and swiped the oversize wrench out of the guy's hand. "You idiot!" she said, jabbing him in the stomach with it. "How many times do I have to tell you – you've got to be _gentle_! Take it _slow_, moron, especially when you're poking around under my baby! I swear, you're going to get yourself killed, jabbing things all over the engine of a dangerous vehicle like that. Do you _want_ to blow yourself up, moron? Because if it's a death wish you have I'd be happy to-"

Trudy's words began to slur together as she went on and on, in a sort of perpetual shrieking, and Norm couldn't help but notice the irony in the fact that she was screeching at him to be "gentle".

"Okay?" she asked, suddenly turning to face Norm.

Norm's eyes widened. He opened his mouth to ask her to repeat the question, saw just how pissed off she looked, and instead replied. "Yes, absolutely."

Trudy's expression softened and she smiled at him. "Good boy," she said. "At least someone around here listens to me," she continued, raising her voice and glancing back over her shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah," the man (who had regained possession of the wrench) muttered.

Trudy grinned. "See ya around, slick," she said cavalierly as she turned to walk further into the hangar, probably to yell at another couple people before calling it a day.

Norm looked up at wrench man, confused. "Uh, what was it she said to me?" he asked.

Wrench man shrugged and didn't take his eyes off of whatever he was adjusting. "Who the hell knows what she says to anyone? She just says it."

-

**DAY 1; 18:10**

Norm sat at the nearest empty table in the cafeteria. This wasn't exactly what one might call fine dining, but what the food lacked in quality he made up for with quantity. After all, it would be his first real meal in five years. He'd gotten some of everything. Mostly it was recognizable – mashed potatoes, vegetables, a sandwich – but he'd also been daring enough to try a cup of diced purple fruit he'd never seen before. He had just started digging in – and realizing exactly how _starving_ he really was – when he heard a tray clatter on the table behind him. He looked up to see Trudy Chacon looking back at him. "Hey, slick," she said casually, pulling up a chair across from him and sitting.

Norm took a bit longer than usual to swallow the extraordinary amount of food he'd just shoveled into his mouth before replying. "Hey," he said lamely.

She smiled again, the left corner of her mouth rising up higher than her right, and looked down at his three trays. "Hungry much?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"Here," she said, sliding a large cup across the table. Norm eyed it and hesitated. "Oh, please," she said. "I don't have cooties. Besides, you'll need something to wash that all down with." He paused, then nodded in thanks as he reached for it, and drained the whole thing in a few swallows. Apparently he was thirsty too.

She smiled. "So you just got here today?" she asked.

He nodded. "Yep. Fresh off the home planet."

"What do you think so far?"

He shrugged. "I haven't been here long enough to form much of an opinion," he lied.

She chuckled. "Kid, I know the look – bright eyed and bushy tailed. This has been the best day of your life, hasn't it?" Norm paused, and then nodded again, smiling in return. "So tell me about it," Trudy prompted.

Norm was not entirely sure what to make of the woman sitting in front of him. However, he wasn't really sure what to make of anything that had happened to him in the last 24 hours, and proceeded to tell her everything. At first he was quiet, hesitant, but soon he found himself talking animatedly about collecting samples in what was left of the Amazon back on Earth, and about the program he'd designed to more quickly decode DNA/RNA samples, and about his first time seeing the avatar designed specifically for him. In turn Trudy told him all she knew about the avatar program, and gave him a detailed description of the love of her life – her Aerospatiale SA-2 Samson. She told him about her time in the air force, and he told her about his schooling at Harvard. Different worlds, same passion. Norm grinned as the conversation progressed, realizing that Trudy was more bark than bite. In fact, she was interesting, and…maybe not gentle, but certainly not as dangerous as he'd first imagined her.

And then, without warning, she stood. "Well, good talking to you slick," she said with a smile.

"Wait, you're going so soon?"

"Three hours is soon?" Norm glanced around the cafeteria and realized they were its last two occupants.

"Oh," he said. "I guess not."

-

**DAY 3; 07:00**

"Well, you're definitely taller," Trudy said, looking over avatar Norm the next day. "And bluer." She looked up to meet his eyes. "Other than that, you're pretty much the same."

"Are you _joking_?" asked Norm incredulously. He held up his tail. "Look at this!" He dropped the tail and struck a body builder pose. Max had been right in complementing the Avatar's muscle tone. Strong, sleek, and gorgeous, Norm smiled. "I'm a living God."

Trudy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Hurry up and get in, or I'm leaving you." She had already buckled herself into the pilot seat of her Samson, and Grace's and Jake's avatars were waiting as well. Norm hopped into the cramped aircraft and waited for her to take off.

It was interesting to see Trudy in her element. On the ground she was intimidating enough, almost like a wild animal always about to pounce. He couldn't decide if he liked her more or less in the air. She was strangely at ease here, and it both reassured him and terrified him. This was her domain. She was calm, confident, and almost inhumanly adept navigating the crowded Pandorian skies. Soon, however, Trudy faded towards the back of his mind, and he was lost in the sights of Pandora in all her splendor.

Trudy glanced over her shoulder as Norm ooo'd and ahhh'd at everything that passed by. "So is it everything you imagined?"

Norm grinned. "And more."

-

**DAY 3; 19:25**

"We can't run night ops, doc," Trudy finally said. "Colonel's orders." She turned the Samson around and began heading back toward RDA headquarters. "He'll just have to wait till morning."

"He won't make it till morning," replied Grace unhappily, putting down her binoculars.

The ride back to base was silent.

A couple hours later, when the avatars had been put safely away and Norm was walking around in his own body again, he saw Trudy, sitting alone in the cafeteria. Half smiling, he walked his tray over to sit by her. "Hey, how are-"

"Shut up," snapped Trudy, standing. Norm shut his mouth in surprise. "I left a man behind today," she said angrily. "Don't act like everything's just fine." She turned and stormed out of the room, leaving him in the company of a half empty plate and a guilty conscious.

He stopped by Jake – the human Jake – on his way back to his room. Or, more specifically, he stopped by the pod and looked at Jake's face on the monitor. "You're going to make it," he told him, simply because he didn't know what else to say. "I mean, if you're anything like you're brother, you've probably hit it off with the chief already." He smiled halfheartedly. "After all, you're a marine. You'll be fine and I'll see you soon, right?" He realized he was talking to an empty room, and walked away. Grace would be here to wake him up soon enough anyway.

-

**DAY 3; 20:00**

Talking to Jake that night, they found he was in perfect condition. In fact, he kept insisting he'd never been better. "When can I go back?" he asked. "I've got to get back in there."

Norm watched Jake describe all he had seen and learned, both fascinated and…jealous. _He_ had trained for years. _He_ had spent his life saying, "No, I can't, I have to study." _He _had already fallen in love with Pandora and her people – how was this fair in any way? Why was Jake accepted with open arms while he, Norm, couldn't even look at a damn plant without having an armed bodyguard to protect him from the natives?

Norm listened to all he could, and then turned to walk away, quietly fuming. Jake didn't even notice him leaving.

He rounded a few corners, walked through a few doors, and found himself in the biology lab. He smiled to himself. It was nice here. Quiet, usually, at this time of day too. The lab was almost completely empty. He walked over to the newest station and began reviewing all the plants he had seen thus far, and studying the ones he had yet to have a proper look at. He suddenly understood why Grace Augustine preferred plants to humans.

-

**DAY 5; 12:36**

"Norm?"

Norm jumped when he heard his name. It was lunch break – he'd had the lab to himself. He swiveled around in his chair and came face to face with Dr. Max Patel. He smiled at the doctor. "What's up?"

Max looked uncomfortably, around, and then pulled up a chair to sit by Norm. "It's Jake," he said quietly. "I saw him today with Quaritch and Selfridge, talking about Hometree."

Norm nodded when Max didn't continue. "And?" he prompted.

"He's telling them how they're going to be able to destroy it."

"What?" Norm raised his eyebrows. "No, that's impossible. I mean, he can be an idiot, but he's not a bad guy, Max-"

"I know. I'm just telling it like I saw it." He sighed. "Look, I don't think Jake hates the Na'vi at all, the way that the Colonel does. But I think he does still consider himself a marine, and as a marine, he's going to report to the highest ranking military official – Quaritch. He's going to follow orders blindly and to the letter."

"So you don't think we can just tell him to stop."

"No. That's why Dr. Augustine wants to relocate. There's another base she wants to move to, but she needs a volunteer to go with them. There have to be at least three of you to make it acceptable to activate another base."

Norm nodded. "Alright. I'll go."

Max raised his eyebrows. "Really? Just like that?"

He shrugged. "It's not like I have anything to stay here for."

Max smiled. "Well then, good." He held out his hand. "They'll be glad to have you."

Norm shook it. "When do we leave?"

"Dr. Augustine wants you out of here as quickly as possible."

"Alright then. Away I go."

"Oh, and Norm?"

Norm turned around. "Yeah?"

"Any chance you could find a pilot?"

Norm paused, thought, and nodded again. "Yes," he said with a grin. "I know just the one."

-

**DAY 5; 14:32 **

"Hey, Trudy, wait up!"

Trudy turned to see Norm jogging down the hallway to catch up with her. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, but she held it back. She hadn't talked to him much since she snapped at him the night they lost Jake. But Jake was safe and sound now, wasn't he? Was there really any point in being mad? She allowed the smile to spread across her face. After all, it was hard to hold a grudge against someone like Norm. His good intentions and sincere smile were a lethal combination. "Hey, slick. What's up?"

"We need a pilot," he replied, slowing and stopping in front of her. "Grace is moving us to the Hallelujah Mountains" – he couldn't stop from grinning ear to ear when he mentioned the legendary floating mountains of Pandora – "and we need a way to get there."

Trudy frowned "Why're you moving?"

Norm glanced around them quickly. No one was around, but he still lowered his voice. "Officially it's to be closer to a new area we're hoping to study. Avoiding Quaritch's micromanaging will just be an added benefit."

Trudy smirked. "Well why didn't you say so in the first place? I'd love a chance to screw with Quaritch. When are you going to be ready to go?"

"One hour, give or take."

"Alright. I'll meet you in the hangar." She turned to walk away.

"Oh, wait – Trudy?"

"Yeah?"

"Um. Thanks. A lot," said Norm, awkward but sincere.

"Anytime babe. See you there."

-

**DAY 5; 15:17**

"No no no, _this _one is the suction gage," said Trudy, tapping the dial on the dashboard. "That one's the altimeter."

Norm nodded, and tapped five dials in succession. "Altimeter, airspeed indicator, ADF, directional gyro, suction gage," he said as he hit each one.

"Right. Nice job, slick." She tapped the stick between her knees. "This is basically the equivalent of a steering wheel," she explained. "But more sensitive. It only takes tiny inputs. Here, let me show you." She reached for his hand and placed it on the stick, her hand on top. Norm hesitantly curled his fingers around the rod, and she shifted it slightly, veering the Samson to their right. "Feel how small the moves are?" asked Trudy. "You barely have to think it, and the aircraft reacts. It's awesome, really. You basically fly with your mind."

Norm nodded and gulped. Had it suddenly gotten hotter in here? Ugh, of course not, he was just in the presence of a gorgeous woman for the first time in a decade. Pull it together, Norm, he told himself.

He felt her move the control the centimeter back to center, and the Samson leveled out. "Good," she said. For a minute she steered with her hand on top of his, and then she slowly pulled her hand away, leaving Norm to fly the thing himself. "Good," she repeated, nodding. She snapped her gum and leaned back in her chair.

"You really think so-?" Norm began to ask, breaking his concentration and accidently tilting them into a swan dive. Trudy's hand was back on his in an instant, leveling out the Samson, turning to avoid a tree.

"Yeah, we'll work on that one a little more," she mused as Grace swore in the backseat. Norm sheepishly pulled his hand away and folded his arms across his chest. He looked up just as the floating mountains came into sight. His eyes widened.

Sure, he knew all about the magnetic forces that kept these large chunks of rock adrift. He knew the mechanics of it, the physics, the ways to calculate how time of day and the mass of the rock affected how high it was. But that didn't stop the mountains ahead of him from looking magical. Tall and magnificent, they dwarfed the plane. Waterfalls spilled over the edge, large pterodactyl-like creatures swooped through the air in packs above them.

Trudy laughed. "You should see your faces," she said over her shoulder to Jake and Norm. "Your jaws are scraping up my floor."

"And you come here almost every day," said Norm, awed. "Do you know how many people would kill to be you?"

"Of course I do, slick, I met them all in high school." She turned and gestured toward a metal structure up ahead. "There it is, boys. Home sweet home." She maneuvered the Samson to duck beneath one mountain and over another, landing in front of the new base. She reached up to flip off various switches. "You are now free to move about the cabin. Thank you for flying Air Pandora, and have a nice day."

The base that they would now stay in was small, made up of what appeared to be two glorified metal trailers. In the first were the three avatar interface pods and all the lab equipment Grace and Norm would need. Down a short and narrow hallway there was a tiny kitchen area, two small bunks (Grace and Trudy later both claimed the top ones), and a bathroom. "I hope you aren't claustrophobic," said Grace as she began to unload her belongings.

Trudy had already made a beeline for the refrigerator, and the expression on her face clearly conveyed her dissatisfaction with what she had found. "This stuff is nasty," she commented, nonetheless reaching for a small container that claimed to be pudding. She opened it, made a face, and threw it over her shoulder into the trash can.

"Nice shot," Jake commented.

"Thanks. You should see me with a gun."

-

**DAY 6; 08:50**

"Why do you call me slick?"

Norm and Trudy were sitting opposite one another at the small table in the lab. He had been examining various slides through a microscope, and she had been painstakingly cleaning the individual pieces of a complex firearm that attached to her Samson.

Trudy didn't look up from her work (which at that moment involved cleaning a gear-like part with a bottle of alcohol and a Q-tip) as she replied. "Would you honestly rather have me call you Norm?"

Norm allowed himself to smile, and looked back into his microscope, refocusing on the cellular structure of the sample before him. "No. It's the ugliest name I've ever heard."

"Then why do you go by it?"

"Because it's my father's," he replied with a shrug. "And I feel like I ought to keep _something_ of his." He paused. "Do you like Tru-"

"_Hell_ no," she interrupted. "It's hideous. But I found it's kind of a turn off for guys, so it helps a little with keeping testosterone-driven army morons out of my hair."

"You're joking."

"Nope. Apparently a pretty name really gets you places." She set the piece she had finished polishing back on the table and picked up a new one, examining it carefully. "Besides," she continued, "it fits me. It's not really ugly, just a little…rough around the edges, yeah?"

"I don't think you're rough around the edges."

Trudy paused wiping grime off the metal and looked up at Norm, who had ducked back down, becoming suddenly absorbed in the plant he was observing. "Well, thanks," she said. "Not sure if I can back you up on that one, but to each his own." She flicked the Q-tip in the garbage can and reached for a clean one. The two worked in silence for the next few minutes.

"So should I call you Trudy?"

"What?"

"I mean, if you don't like your name, shouldn't I call you something else?"

She flashed him a lopsided smile. "Sure, slick."

"What, then?"

"Hmm... "Goddess divine" is always an option," she mused. "Though if you want to lean in a more "Supreme Overlord" direction, that is also acceptable, so long as you keep it sincere."

Norm rolled his eyes.

-

**DAY 6; 12:04**

Jake and Norm were sitting opposite one another at a small table, eating the grayish lumps not even Grace had been able to call "lunch". They looked disgusting and tasted like dirt, but both men were a little too tired and a little too distracted to care. Norm glanced up at the marine in front of him, wondering how to best break the silence. Who knew awkwardness could be tangible.

Sure, Jake had been a moron, but Norm had been just as immature. It was stupid, really. Jake was good at his job, and Norm was good at his. They were different, but both were just as necessary. Jake was going to need his help. Norm likewise could use some of Jake's help if he was ever going to be allowed into the tribe. It was better he nip this stupid jealousy complex in the bud, and call a truce.

"Hey, Jake?" Norm asked hesitantly, speaking directly to him for the first time in a few days.

"Yeah?"

Norm hesitated, and swallowed. "What do you think of Trudy Chacon?"

Jake paused, then smirked, and the tension evaporated. "I think you're biting off more than you can chew."

"You're one to talk."

"Hey, what's the worst Neytiri can do? Push blue mind-controlled me off a cliff?" Norm decided not to ask what the worst Trudy could do was. Jake raised his water bottle. "To women," he offered. "Can't live without em, and definitely can't live with em."

"I'll drink to that." Norm tapped his bottle against Jake's.

"To what?" asked Grace, entering the room, looking exhausted and a little worse for wear. Her hair was disheveled, her clothes looked as though they had been put on backwards, and there were dark circles under her eyes. Something long and sticky was caught in her hair, and her red eyes told them exactly how much sleep she'd gotten in the past few days.

"Why, to you, gorgeous," replied Jake in a teasing voice. Grace smacked him on the head as she walked by.

-

**DAY 7; 08:30**

"Ow!" Norm jumped as Trudy banged her head on the ceiling for the umpteenth time, cursing like a sailor as she rubbed her latest bruise. A moment later her feet swung into view in front of him, and she carefully dropped from the top bunk, glaring up at the ceiling. She looked at where Norm was sitting on his own bed, the expression on her face angry and disapproving.

"Friggin low ceiling. Makes me almost miss headquarters." He raised his eyebrows, but she continued before he could say anything. "You know what we need? A _couch_. I mean, look at this. Avatar interface pods, microscopes, touch screen computers, a copy of the human freaking genome lying around, and not a couch to be seen. It's criminal." She shook her head. "No, it's primitive, that's what it is. What are we, barbarians?"

"Something like that…" Jake muttered from the other end of the room. He looked over his shoulder at Norm and Trudy. "Have you seen this?" he asked, jabbing a thumb toward the computer screen in front of him. The two stood and walked to watch.

Colonel Quaritch was making a speech to a massive assembly of soldiers. Mounted on the stand in front of him was a bloodied head of a banshee. "The people call them _ikran_," Jake commented softly. "Neytiri showed me hers today. They use them when they hunt."

"Killed three men today," Quaritch was saying. "Three people torn to shreds. And you know what it took to stop it?" He held up his gun. "Two little bullets." He lowered it. The crowd was silent.

"And this is a small one. I hate to think what the full grown one could do to you bunch of half ass pansies." He scanned the crowd. "Listen up," he said, although every individual in the audience was obviously drinking in his every word. "This is not a place for fun and games. This is a place for war. These aren't the only things out there. You keep your heads on a swivel, ladies and gentlemen. If it moves, shoot it. If you're not sure if it's moving, shoot it. If it looks like a bunch of flowers you want to take home to your pretty little girlfriend, _shoot it_. What are you going to do?"

An overwhelming chorus of, "Shoot it, sir!" replied, animated but apprehensive.

Quaritch nodded. "Good." He grinned, and the crowd broke into wild applause. He threw the rotting head into the audience, and bloodthirsty soldiers leapt for it almost desperately, like sharks drawn to blood in the water.

Norm leaned forward and pressed a button. The screen darkened. And still all three of them stared up at the black, suddenly silent.

-

**DAYS 8-13**

The next few days were lighter, and the event was pushed to the back of everyone's mind. Jake was becoming more and more absorbed into the Na'vi and their culture. When he had the energy to, he raved (often complaining, but still undoubtedly awed) about what new thing he had learned from Neytiri. His relationship with Norm had further improved as well, and the two would often sit for hours, going over the complexities of the Na'vi language and talking about their discoveries. It was funny, sometimes, how they could talk about the same thing and sound like they were speaking in different languages. Jake would mention the spirit, or aura, of a certain plant or animal, and Norm would suddenly launch into a detailed anatomical and chemical description, each man trying to outdo the other, and neither ever really winning or losing.

Grace seemed more relaxed too. She was falling into the welcome, familiar rhythm of field work. It was obvious why she had invested so much time on this "alien" planet – she loved it. She knew her stuff, too, and when those two pieces – heart and craft – came together, something almost magical happened.

Trudy, meanwhile, had decided this was the best nerd batch yet. She had immediately gained respect for Jake, a fellow marine who she assumed had been hurt in the field. Obviously he wasn't just talk – he really did give a thousand percent, no matter the situation, no matter the consequences. And she'd gotten to really see Grace happy. She'd only met the doctor a couple years ago, right after the catastrophe at the school. Grace, rejected by the Na'vi and recently shot by Quaritch's men when they put bullet holes in the classroom walls, had not exactly been a little ray of sunshine. But now, the pain of that experience seemed to be fading. Grace was changing, remembering why she was still here, and Trudy was glad to see it.

And that Norm was quite a character.

Funny but shy. Intelligent but bumbling. It was interesting to see what version of himself he was each day. At first glance, he seemed like a pretty simple guy. Laid back science geek turned occasional blue man. But that only scratched the surface. There was a lot more to this guy. He was really something, completely different from the trigger-happy morons Trudy was used to. And he was kind of darling. His new nickname for her – "Ace" – felt familiar and just right, and he seemed endearingly flustered and tongue-tied whenever they were alone together.

So she more or less took him in. He was polite, at least, but not in an annoyingly pretentious way. He actually listened to her when she spoke, and she couldn't help but wonder if her nerd had a little crush. Furthermore, he didn't snore, something Trudy loved him for. Best bunk mate she'd ever had.

When he wasn't out collecting samples or madly recording data in the lab, she sat across from him on his cramped cot and taught him poker. She hadn't been surprised when he didn't notice, but had been when, after only a few rounds, he managed to get good enough to beat her, not once, not twice, but four times consecutively. She hadn't talked to him for the rest of the day after that, though secretly, she couldn't help but be a little proud.

She found out he'd been born in Idaho, and had travelled all over the country, studying at several prestigious schools and living in all the major cities of the USA. He was allergic to cats, and had wanted to come to Pandora since he first saw the forest on National Geographic. His mother had raised him herself, as his father died in an accident at his lab when Norm was only eight. Somehow, this only made him more determined to follow in his dad's footsteps, and be a scientist. He was a coffee addict. His favorite season was winter, his favorite color was emerald green (like his eyes), and he had a mean curveball, despite not working on it in the past few years.

He in return found out Trudy had been born and raised in Harlem, New York. She never had much, but she never went without either. Her English teacher father had been – and still was – her hero. She'd met colonel Quaritch as an eighteen year old at boot camp, and he'd worked her hard for a few weeks before shipping off to Pandora. Her favorite music was ancient. She belted out U2 songs from the shower, much to the amusement of her three roommates. When Norm asked her what her "favorite thing" was, her reply was simple. "Nutella."

"You're joking. You're a pilot on an alien planet, and your real passion is chocolate hazelnut spread?"

She nodded gravely. "You try living on the crap they feed you here for ten years. Then we'll talk."

-

**DAY 14; 11:45**

"Hey, Spellman!"

Norm sat up too quickly upon hearing his name being called, smacking his head against the overhead light. "Ow!" Cringing, he ducked back down away for it, and hit his nose on the microscope. "Owww…" He groaned. This was ridiculous. He hadn't expected his height of all things to be a problem on Pandora, but a cramped metal shack was not exactly comfortable when you're six foot four living with a ceiling that was six foot nothing. He rubbed his nose, and then turned around to face the window. Trudy was standing on the other side of the glass, mask on and hands on her hips.

"Nice," she commented, and he could feel his ears burning as he realized she had been witness to his little…adventure in standing. "C'mere!" she shouted, her voice muted by the layers of glass between them. "I've got something for you!"

Norm complied, securing his own mask before stepping out into the bright daylight. He blinked a couple times, adjusting his vision, and saw Trudy was waving him over toward her Samson. Some shapeless black blob seemed to be sticking out of it. Quizzical, he wandered over as she began to cut through the rope securing the blob to the Samson. He laughed when he realized what it was. "You got us a couch."

"Gorgeous, isn't it?" she asked half-seriously.

Norm looked it up and down. It was black, and way too wide to be practical, no matter how comfortable it looked. It was a little worse for wear, and a long tear ran along the bottom edge, but the duct tape had really done wonders for it, and at the very least, it was clean. "Where did you _get _this?"

She flashed him a lopsided smile. "I'm really good at poker," she replied mysteriously. "So, you gonna help me move this inside or what?"

Thousands of questions were fighting for Norm's interest, tugging at the back of his mind, begging him to come back to the lab. Decode this organism, track this signal, water this specimen… He paused for a moment, numberless passions vying for his attention.

And then Trudy won out over all of them. "Yeah, sure."

Easier said than done was an understatement.

Furniture. There was a reason it wasn't common on Pandora. It's heavy, awkward, takes up space, doesn't fit through the airlock, and does not yield to relentless coaxing, pushing, and swearing. But by some miracle, they got it inside. Not sure where else to put it, they propped it up against the wall opposite their bunk (about a foot of floor space separated the two) and stood back, looking at the thing admiringly. "I like it," said Trudy with a grin. She sat on it, swinging her legs up beside her, nodding approvingly. "Very nice. C'mere, try it out." She pulled her knees up to her chest and Norm sat beside her.

"Hm. I approve." As absurd and out of place as it was, the sofa was nonetheless kind of nice to have around. There was something distinctly human about it. Something distinctly _normal_.

"Good," said Trudy happily. She rocked forward suddenly, and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks for your help."

To his chagrin, Norm's ears had turned bright red. "A-anytime," he stuttered. Trudy chuckled.

"I'd take that back before it's too late if I were you," she replied. Norm shrugged, and she stood to walk back outside toward her Samson. He smiled to himself, stretching his long legs out onto the bed in front of him and leaning back against the plushy couch.

Life was good.

**And there you have it. Love it? Hate it? Need a hug? Drop me a line. **

**By the way, if you've come a bit late in the game, when this story is complete, I'll have you know I wouldn't be averse to getting a different review for each chapter….**

**Fine, I won't press my luck. Happy trails! New chapter on Monday. **


	2. Ending Up in a Good Place

**So I opened my e-mail and almost died. Uh, in a good way. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your fabulous reviews and for favoriting (not a word, but whatev). I feel like a kid in a candy store. I'm literally staring at my computer, reading what you've all said, giggling and rubbing my hands together in glee. **

**Not much else to say…so, here's chapter two. **

-

**DAY 16; 20:49**

Grace had thrown a bit of a fit over the couch, saying something about impracticality and lack of space (not to mention obvious fact that it was utterly ridiculous), but eventually gave up. Sometimes it's easier to ignore your problems than to try to shove them through too small doors.

Besides, it hadn't gone to total waste. When it wasn't being used for relaxation purposes, it was usually covered in a wide variety of guns and ammunition. Most comfortable weapons rack in the galaxy.

Trudy sat on it now, checking her reflection in the barrel of an M60 machine gun. She nodded approvingly.

"You're going to shoot your eye out," Norm mused as he entered the room. He walked over to his bunk and collapsed, facing Trudy, feet stuck out in front of him to rest on the couch.

"Oh really?" She shook her head. "Please. I'm a trained professional." She looked him up and down, a curious expression on her face.

"What?" asked Norm, shifting uncomfortably under her gaze.

"You know how to use one of these?" she asked, holding up the gun. Norm shook his head. "C'mere then," Trudy continued, standing and grabbing her mask to walk outside. Norm hesitated. "Hurry up!" she called, and he followed.

Trudy was standing outside expectantly. The sun had barely set, and Norm couldn't help but notice the way the not-quite-nighttime light played across her features. She was smiling, and he couldn't suppress his own grin. Maybe they lived together, but at the same time, he couldn't help but feel…well, happy to see her. Almost from the moment he'd met her he mentally associated her with heat, and while she could certainly be fire, tonight she seemed simply warm, and inviting. Beautiful and safe – though perhaps that last word was a bit naïve. After all, flames are beautiful.

"Alright," she was explaining. "Stand like so. Feet shoulder width apart, tall, stop slouching. Good." She extended the gun, and Norm took it cautiously. "Balance the weight in both hands," she said, and he awkwardly obliged. He'd never quite liked weapons. Not that they scared him – they just felt out of place. Alien. They weren't natural. Nevertheless, he shifted the gun in his hands like she instructed him too.

"_Don't slouch_," she repeated. Norm straightened. "Suck it in," she teased, slapping him lightly across the stomach. "Shoulders straight. Nice." She nodded. "Very nice. Now, it's pretty simple. You just pull the trigger. _Once_, and don't hold it down. The thing's got a mean recoil, but nothing you can't handle. Just make sure you hold it to the side enough…" she adjusted it slightly "so you don't break your own ribs, yeah?" She pointed. There was a target in front of him, maybe 30 feet away. "You won't hit it," she said pointedly.

"You wanna bet?"

"Hey, I may occasionally hustle my way out of debt, but I'm no thief. Hang onto your money."

"Five bucks," said Norm.

Trudy bit her lip, then nodded. "Whatever. Your loss."

Norm took a deep breath, and pressed his index finger against the trigger.

_**BANG BANG BANG**_

Despite expecting it, the force of the gun still caught him off guard. He took a step back as the bullets went flying into the forest, somewhere to the far right of the target. He stumbled, quickly regained his balance, and looked up at Trudy in surprise.

She was laughing. "Told you so."

Norm paused, then shook his head. "One more time. Double or nothing."

She shrugged. "Be my guest. Easy money."

Half an hour and fifty bucks later, the sky had darkened to the point where they almost couldn't see the (embarrassingly untouched) target. "Last time," Norm was insisting.

"You're crazy," Trudy said. "You haven't hit it the last hundred times, and you won't hit it for at least a hundred more. Especially in the dark."

"Come on," he insisted. "At least give me a chance to win my money back."

She sighed. "Fine. Hit it this time, and you don't owe me a penny." She stood back, hands on her hips, and looked at him expectantly.

Norm took a deep breath. He straightened, adjusted the gun, and stared at the target for a long moment. Everything was silent. He mentally calculated angles and arcs in his mind for what felt like the millionth time that day. And he pulled the trigger.

_**BANG**_

Norm squinted. "Did I hit it?" Not waiting for a reply, he stood to walk over to the target, Trudy not far behind him. For a moment he thought he had missed. His face fell, and he prepared to kiss fifty bucks (well, fifty five now) goodbye.

And then he saw it.

A tiny hole was ripped through the yellow ring on the paper, about eight inches from the bull's eye. Norm's eyes widened. "I hit it," he said quietly. He looked up at Trudy in disbelief.

She looked equally as surprised. "I don't believe it," she said. She shook her head, but broke into a smile. "You hit it!" she cried, suddenly jumping forward to hug him. Norm hugged her just as tight, grinning ear to ear. He picked her up and spun her around, high on life.

"I'm amazing," he said when he put her down.

"You _are _amazing," she replied. "You're Batman."

Norm nodded, but even his own animated words faded into the background. Whatever they were saying was suddenly far from his mind, because she was beaming at him, and it was the best feeling in the world.

-

**DAY 18; 10:35**

Humankind had managed to create basic artificial life, clone mammoths, and surpass the speed of light. You think that a little rain wouldn't be able to bring their entire operation to a screeching halt.

Jake was gone again, as usual. The weather certainly wasn't stopping him. He'd taken a liking to his private teacher, Neytiri, and had mentioned something about finally getting a bow today. Grace and Norm, on the other hand, were cooped up in the tiny cabin. They _had_ been planning to actually go out today and tag Prolemuris today, something Norm had been looking forward too. The green and blue monkey-like creatures were not as dangerous as many of the animals on Pandora, and in fact were curious and interactive.

Of course, as disappointed as he was, he couldn't really complain with Trudy there.

Bad weather. Pilot's nightmare. She was agitated and out of it today, symptoms of being grounded. She glanced out the window ever few minutes, looking at her "baby", and she bit her nails as she went over various charts and maps she had sketched of the Hallelujah Mountains.

Outside, the storm raged. The thunder was louder than anything Norm had ever heard on Earth, and when it sounded the entire base shook. This thunder felt _close_. He didn't merely hear it – each clap reverberated in his bones. The torrential rain pounded on the roof, coming down in sheets, echoing throughout the hollow metal building. It made everything sound (and feel) empty.

Norm looked up from his microscope and blinked a few times. His eyes were red and raw, and his head pounded. He gazed out the window. He could hardly see a thing through the thick clouds that had settled in and above the Hallelujah Mountains. It was the kind of thing you saw when you tried to remember a dream – you knew more or less what should be there, but all you could really see were the vaguest of outlines, mere suggestions of reality.

He stood. Grace had long since fallen asleep on her desk, cheek pressed against an open book. She'd worked herself to the bone these last few days. Despite the fact she would certainly wake up with biology terms smeared onto her face, it was good she was sleeping now, when she could. Norm smiled in her direction and walked into the other room.

Trudy was sitting on the couch, knees pulled up to her chest, the papers she was looking at forgotten as she stared off into space. She jumped when he cleared his throat.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."

She shook her head. "No prob. You didn't."

"Do you mind?" he pointed at the couch.

"Nah." She moved her books off the cushion and onto the floor. Norm sank into the couch next to her.

"Can you believe this rain?" he started lamely.

"Sure."

"It's really wet outside. I mean, it has to be flooding out there. It's been pouring for hours," he continued, only shoving his foot further into his mouth. "I've never seen a storm like this." Apparently he wasn't going to shut up yet. "I mean, we got a lot in Portland. When I was six I woke up one morning and the entire place was in at least a foot of water. We couldn't go anywhere. My cousin Leah was over, and we built this little fort thing out of all the blankets in the house, in front of this big window, and, we, uh…" he trailed off. Trudy was still staring blankly ahead.

She turned to him suddenly after a beat of silence. "And what?" she asked.

"Sorry," Norm said. "I'm just rambling."

Trudy offered him a crooked grin. "Don't worry about it. It's kinda cute." Norm didn't look down when he felt her hand slide into his. Their fingers laced together, and he had to suppress a smile. Her hand was calloused at the base of her fingers, but otherwise surprisingly soft. It was also icy cold, but he was pleased it fit so comfortably in his own hand. He squeezed hers gently, trying to send even the tiniest bit of warmth to the aberrantly icy woman beside him. "So you liked it?" she asked. "Portland?"

Norm shrugged. "We weren't there long. And it was never sunny. Living in Brazil was better."

"Why?"

"The food was amazing."

Trudy laughed, and this time there was more life in her eyes. "No, really," she said.

"The Amazon was beautiful. Strangely untouched," Norm mused. "Some might call it primitive – I call it pristine. There aren't so many factories, business tycoons. It was one of the few places on Earth we hadn't yet destroyed. Everything was green. Like here, actually. Everything was natural."

"You ended up in a good place, then," Trudy remarked.

He looked down at her, hand holding even tighter to hers. "Yeah," he said. "I did. And you?" Trudy nodded. "How did you end up here, anyway?" Norm asked.

"My dog died."

Norm paused. "Sorry?"

"I had this beagle. Charlie Brown. I rescued him, you know. He got hit by a car, and I happened to drive by. I took him to the vet, paid for them to fix him up, and took him home. He was this fat, slobbery, lethargic old thing, and I loved him to death. I had him for a couple years. I was gone a lot, flying all the time, but he didn't seem to mind, and it was nice to have something to come home to." Her smile faded. "When he died, I realized I didn't have anything else on Earth to take care of. No one _needed_ me, you know? So I figured it wasn't all that important I stick around, and that Pandora might be a good place to find a job where you're needed."

"You were right," Norm replied simply.

"Yeah," she said. She lowered her gaze, staring at their intertwined fingers. She lifted his hand with hers and rested them on her knee, head cocked to one side as she studied their hands. Norm ran his tongue over his dry lips, trying to keep his heart rate somewhere within the realm of normal. Trudy shut her eyes and leaned her head on Norm's shoulder, a smile playing on the corner of her lips.

-

**DAY 22; 19:35**

Trudy opened the fridge, not looking forward to more of the gray crap that was typically overflowing in it. Instead she paused when she saw, on the middle shelf, an unopened white Nutella jar. She reached for it, twisting off the white lid, and peeled back the silver foil seal. She smiled, and held up the jar, walking into the next room. "Did you do this?" she asked Grace.

"Can't talk. Recording," Dr. Augustine replied mechanically. Jake looked up, though.

"Oh yeah, Norm brought that," he answered.

Trudy grinned. "Where is he?"

"Outside, checking on the garden." Jake glanced over his shoulder. "He should be right-" On cue, the door opened and Norm walked in, holding a thermometer and taking off his mask.

"Norm," said Trudy, smiling at him.

"Um, yes?"

"I think I'm in love with you," she said, scooping up the Nutella with her pointer finger and licking it off. "Mmmm… Really, marry me."

He rolled his eyes, but the grin spreading across his face gave him away. "No big deal, Ace. I had Max raid the bio lab fridge for me. They tend to get better stuff than the marines do."

"Mhm,… Seriously, how much was it?"

"Nothing. No big deal."

"Spill, slick."

He shrugged. "I just told Max I'd get a couple extra samples for him, that's all," he said, hanging up his mask and walking over to start up his computer. Trudy stood in front of him, blocking his path.

"You're the sweetest person I know." The smile faded, and she sighed. "I wish I could help you out with that, or-"

"It's no big deal," Norm repeated.

"Paychecks don't come out until next week. I'm completely broke," she said, sucking another dollop of chocolate hazelnut slowly off her finger. Norm gulped and shifted uncomfortably, suddenly not sure what to do with his hands. He jammed them into his pockets. Trudy noted this with the tiniest feeling of triumph. "I'll pay you back in sexual favors," she offered with a smile, and Norm turned bright red.

"Not in my lab, you won't," said Grace in a monotone voice from behind her.

"Y-yeah," Norm stammered in agreement. "I mean, we wouldn't want to break anything." He only turned redder as the words left his mouth.

Trudy laughed. "Joking," she said playfully, turning around to walk back into the other room, swinging her hips side to side maybe a little more than necessary. Jake watched her leave, then turned back to Norm. _She's not joking_, he mouthed mischievously. Norm whacked him with his copy of Dr. Augustine's book as he walked by.

Though, of course, he couldn't help but wonder if Jake was right.

-

**DAY 25; 01:22**

Trudy woke with a start, drenched in a cold sweat, hands clammy and heart racing. She stared up at her ceiling with wide eyes, trying to calm herself, taking slow, deliberate breaths. Her eyes began to water as she tried to force herself not to blink, because whenever she did visions of her nightmare flashed behind her eyelids.

She had been flying. Of course, she did this a lot, but this dream was different – in this one she didn't need her Samson. She had been soaring over the lush Pandorian forests. At first it had been exhilarating, and beautiful. Her heart had been pounding so hard as she flew, and although she couldn't turn her head, she could feel someone's warm hand in her own.

But then it had changed. As the sun sunk low on the horizon, a sort of wailing had begun to rise from below the forest canopy. It had not taken Trudy long to realize it was the sound of thousands of people crying for help – a sound she'd become all too intimate with during her time in the military on Earth. She'd tried to turn away, but the more she struggled, the more she was frozen, the sound ringing in her ears, a dry scream choking her, trapped at the base of her throat. The hand in hers had grown colder, clammier, stiffer. Dead. Then all at once Trudy had turned her head, and seen the person beside her. It was everyone and no one – it was her sister, it was her father, it was her mother, it was Norm – and yet it couldn't be, because this thing clearly had no heartbeat. Its cold blue eyes stared, empty and penetrating, looking her in the soul. She had screamed, and dropped its hand, and then she was falling out of the air, shrieking and tumbling down, down, down to the hard world below.

She shook her head, trying to forget the nightmare, and went back to sleep.

**DAY 25: 07:30**

Trudy slowly opened her eyes and groaned. It was her day off, and she had been determined not to get up before noon. Unfortunately, once she was up, she was up. This usually came in handy for a pilot, but when all you wanted was a solid ten to twelve hours of sleep, it pretty much sucked. She blinked a few times, trying to remember her dream, but it had disappeared from her memory.

She sat up unenthusiastically, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and dropping lightly to the floor. Norm wasn't in bed. She wandered into the other room. "Hello?" she called. "Anybody home?" She glanced over the screens next to the avatar pods; Norm, Jake, and Grace were all apparently plugged in. She nodded, wandered over to the pot of coffee, and poured herself a glass. She shivered slightly, wishing she had pulled a jacket on over her tank top and sweat pants, her bare toes curling against the icy metal floor. She looked lazily out the window, and her coffee spilled all over the floor when she dropped it.

"_Norm?_"

In an instant she was out the door, still barefoot and in her pajamas, a mask secured onto her face.

Norm's avatar was grappling with a banshee, with little success. In one of his hands Trudy glimpsed a tracking device – a clear indicator of Norm's mission. He had somehow ended up on top of the animal, and was fighting desperately not to be flung off and over the edge of the large, floating rock.

Trudy might have steered clear of the whole thing if the banshee hadn't obviously been winning.

The rope holding it mouth shut had come off, and the creature was now wildly slamming its powerful jaws shut, biting and clawing, clearly displeased with whatever had decided to jump it. Trudy was sprinting over the hard ground, rocks digging into her feet, the cold air rushing past her. Her eyes widened as the creature finally won, and the two tumbled over the edge, both screaming and thrashing over the side of the cliff.

"NORM!"

Trudy ran to the edge, leaning over it and almost tumbling off herself. The beast was flying, Norm clinging to it desperately. He rolled and slipped and hung, but it was not enough. In mere seconds he had been flung off, and he plummeted far, down to smack against the unforgiving stone floating directly beneath him. He landed with a sickening crunch, and let out an inhuman cry of pain.

Trudy was already barreling into her Samson, throwing off the vent covers without watching where they landed, starting up the engine, not even bothering to put on her seatbelt. In a moment she had landed beside the crumpled avatar body, and she jumped out. "Norm! Norm? Are you okay?"

Norm had pulled himself into a seated position, dazed and in pain. He tried to smile at her, but the expression on his face was more sickening than comforting. He was clutching his right arm to his chest. "I – I'm alright," he stuttered. Ignoring him, Trudy came forward to examine his arm. The blood drained from her face. The limb was bloody and mangled, and at the wrist the white bone had jutted out, piercing through the cerulean skin, gleaming gruesomely in the morning light. "Alright," she said, nodding slowly. "I'm going to run back and unplug you, yeah?" Her voice was shaking.

"N-no," said Norm quickly. "No, we have to get the avatar to – to safety."

"But you're-"

"No," he repeated stubbornly, a tone of finality in his voice. Trudy opened her mouth to argue, but realized this was not a battle she was likely to win. She sighed, and nodded. "C'mon," she ordered, walking quickly back to the Samson. The walk was short, but she still couldn't stand to see Norm making it. He couldn't walk on his right foot, and hopped slowly on his left toward her ship, each tiny movement making him wince as pain shot throughout his right arm. Trudy stared down her dashboard, silent and angry, and for the first time in a long time, completely helpless.

Norm finally made it into the copter, and she flew as smoothly as she possibly could back up to their base. She stepped out of the Samson, carefully locked the avatar inside, and ran back into the metal shack, flying through the doors and punching in the codes to get Norm out as fast as she could.

The lid flew open, and so did Norm's eyes. Shaking his head, he slowly began to sit up. "You okay?" asked Trudy quickly.

Norm nodded. "Think so."

"Good." She pulled back her right arm and slapped him across the face. "Don't you _ever_ do something that stupid again, you moron," she railed. "Idiot, if I wasn't here to save your ass, do you have any idea where you or your precious little avatar would be right now? I mean, a dinosaur just tossed you off a frickin cliff! Geez, you're so _stupid_, I can't believe-" She cut off suddenly.

Norm's right wrist had caught her attention. He was holding it unusually cautiously, and when she took a closer look she saw it was swollen to almost twice its normal size. A large black and purple bruise has blossomed across it, ugly and throbbing. "What's this?" Trudy asked quietly.

"The mind is a powerful thing," Norm replied with a grim smile. "It thinks you're hurt in one body, it tends to think you're hurt in the other as well."

Trudy nodded mechanically, and turned to grab the first aide kid behind her. "Give me that," she said as Norm slowly swung his legs over the edge of the pod. He hesitantly held his wrist forward, and she gently ran her hands over it. He winced a few times, biting his lip and trying not to show any of the pain he was in. "Good news," said Trudy dully. "It's not broken. Just sprained. It'll heal pretty quick." She reached for a bandage in the kit and tenderly but efficiently wrapped it around Norm's wrist. "Too tight?"

"No, it's fine." Norm paused. "Thank you," he said sheepishly.

"Don't," she replied sharply, not looking up to meet his eyes. She taped the end of the bandage down and stood to put away the first aid kit. "In a couple hours when the swelling goes down, we'll rewrap it," she said, standing on tiptoe to try to put the box onto the proper shelf. In a moment Norm was behind her, taking it from her hands with his good one, easily reaching the top shelf and setting it down. Trudy turned around and almost ran into him. They stood there for a moment, chest to chest, neither breathing quite properly.

"I'm sorry," he offered again.

Trudy nodded. "Just don't do it again," she said, her voice breaking. "_Ever._"

Norm's eyebrows came together and he frowned. There was genuine fear in Trudy's eyes. Why was that there? She was fearless. She was the bravest person he knew. He leaned down until his face was mere inches from hers, and cupped her chin in his left hand, his thumb softly stroking her cheek. Trudy held her ground, looking at him straight in the eyes, not even blinking. Norm hesitated for a moment, and then moved to close the distance between them.

At the last instant, Trudy turned her head sharply, and she turned their might-have-been-kiss into a quick hug. "Glad you're alright," she said quickly, patting him on the back. She ducked under his arm before he quite realized what she was doing, and darted down the tiny hallway to the other room. "I'm calling Max!" she called back to him. "See if he can patch your blue guy up."

Norm shoulders slumped. "Yeah," he said. "Sounds great."

-

**DAY 26; 16:04**

Norm was very quiet the next day. For one thing, the talking to Grace and Max had given him had sobered him up a bit. And for another, he was a moron.

He knew Trudy was out of his league from day one. After all, they lived in completely different universes. She was perhaps the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on. He was pasty, geeky, and socially awkward, despite having the best intentions. She looked like she could kill you with her pinky finger. The most he could do was wage biological warfare and drool over her while she did chin ups on the bar hanging over the front door. She was outgoing and not afraid to speak her mind. He couldn't remember the last time he'd stood up for something. And while book smart Norm certainly knew his stuff, Trudy seemed to know about everything that actually mattered.

Of course she could never think of him in the way he thought of her. He'd been ridiculously naïve to ever hope she could. Different worlds, different people, different lives. And for heaven's sake, they were on Pandora. Alien planets were no place to casually ask a coworker out on a date.

She was off limits, unobtainable, unreachable, and he was convinced he was done with trying to attain what he obviously couldn't have. That day as he worked moodily in the lab, he hardly talked to her, hardly looked at her, hardly let himself think about her. Ugh, what an idiot he'd been.

She was exactly what he wanted, and exactly what he couldn't have.

**Ouch. **

**Well, let me know what you think. I'm not sure about some of this…for the most part I'm pleased with it, but bits and pieces seem kinda sorta out there. Also, just trying to get a better view of my audience - mind letting me know your favorite lines for each chapter? Just wondering if you go for the fluffy, the corny, the funny, the depressing, the random, etc. **

**Oh, and by the way – that little green button right below this? Click it. All your wildest dreams with come true.**


	3. Sing It Away

**First and foremost, I love you all. Every single review I get makes my day a million times over, and if I could I'd give you all hugs, or help you move a couch, or buy you Nutella – anything to show my appreciation. As it is, I'm a little unable to do all that right now, so instead I'll just post the chapter I know you've all been waiting for. **

**Also, this chapter feels most OOC and nauseatingly fluffy to me. And I just realized a great deal of it takes place around one in the morning…so proceed with caution. Adorable times ahead. **

-

**DAY 27; 01:00**

Norm opened his eyes. He groggily glanced over at the clock. 0100 hours. He groaned. What had woke him up at this time of night? He rolled over onto his other side, hoping to catch a few more hours of sleep, when he noticed it was quieter than usual. It only took him a moment to realize what was missing – the steady sound of Trudy's breath, deep but soft, had disappeared. He quietly rolled out of bed to confirm his suspicions, and found her bunk was indeed empty.

Quickly, he looked around. She was nowhere to be seen. He stepped out of bed, and walked down to the bathroom, knocking on the door. "Trudy?" he whispered. No reply. That was odd. Where could she possibly be at this time of night? He stuck his head in the other room. Still no Trudy, but out the window he saw that the Samson was still there. He blinked and took a closer look. There, on the roof of the opposite half of their little base, was a familiar silhouette. Norm hesitated for a moment. She was alone for a reason, he told himself. She obviously didn't want his company, or she'd have asked for it. Besides, the other day she'd made it _very _clear they weren't anything more than…than friends. He ought to go back to bed.

Of course, nothing he was telling himself made an ounce of a difference.

Feeling both idiotic and exhilarated, Norm grabbed a mask and a jacket on his way out the door, stepping out into the warm Pandorian night. He turned to climb up the ladder on the side of the base, and stepped on to the roof.

"What are you doing up here?" he asked quietly as he made his way towards her. He paused. "Oh my – Trudy! Your mask!" He lunged forward, fiddling with his own mask in an attempt to rip it off and give it to her. She looked startled to see him, but smiled.

"Hey," she said, standing. "Calm down."

"Ace, you're going to be dead in the next-"

"Calm down."

"But-"

"Calm down. It's okay, slick. Chill."

Norm stared at her for a moment, dumbfounded. "Why aren't you dead?"

She smiled at him, turning to sit on the edge of the roof again. "This high up in the atmosphere, the air quality isn't as bad as down in the valley," she explained as Norm took a seat beside her. "And at night, it gets even better. At certain times of night during certain months of the year you can breathe it in without dying."

Norm was looking at her with wide eyes. "Extraordinary," he said slowly. "Why haven't I heard this before?"

She shrugged. "People know it; they simply choose not to publicize this tidbit of information. Knowledge is power and all that. And I think they're trying to reduce the number of idiocy induced deaths. So they just decreed the whole planet toxic and hooked us up with these." She lifted her own mask, which had been sitting on the roof beside her. "I hate this thing," she added, looking over it distastefully. "It drives me crazy." She set it back down and closed her eyes. "I miss breathing – really _breathing_, you know? Here it's all filtered or recycled."

"How did you figure out you could breathe up here at night?"

"I heard a rumor and decided to test the theory. It was true."

"Just like that?"

She laughed. "Just like that. Well, and I bullied a couple scientists into confirming my suspicions, which was encouraging." She opened her eyes and turned to face Norm. "Here, let me show you." She reached for his mask.

He jerked away. "No thank you. I'm happy to just believe you."

"Oh, come on. Don't you trust me?"

She was looking at him, with big brown eyes and a grin. Norm was quiet for a moment, his eyes running over her features. He noticed the way her bangs were strewn across her forehead, the freckle to the right of her nose. His eyes paused a moment too long on her full lips. "I trust you," he said.

"Good." She carefully leaned forward and pressed a button on the side of his mask, removing it and setting it down beside hers. "See?"

Norm had been holding his breath, but now he cautiously inhaled. His eyes widened. "This is amazing," he replied. He took another breath. He had never imagined breathing could be so interesting. But this – breathing on Pandora – this was different.

The air was thinner up here, yes, but also seemed to be clearer. There were no open spaces on earth. No expansive forests, tall mountains, big blue skies. He'd never known what it was like to breathe in nature, not even in the Amazon. And now that he did he didn't know if he wanted to stop. The air was fresh and cool and fulfilling in and of itself.

"Sure is," said Trudy. "Feel like you're breathing for the first time in your life?" He nodded. "Yeah, me too," she replied.

Norm paused for a minute, his mind a jumbled mess of contrasting thoughts. On the one hand, just hours ago he had promised himself he wouldn't be bringing himself any more heartache over the woman in front of him. She was not his to take, to tease, to love, and he was just going to end up making a fool out of himself and getting hurt. On the other hand, she was gorgeous – tantalizing – in the soft moonlight among the bioluminescence of Pandora, and she was smiling at him, her expression gentle and at ease.

In the end, irrational Norm won out, and he suddenly leaned forward, placing a kiss on Trudy's cheek. It was commonplace, really. He'd done so before. And yet, he pulled away uncertainly to gage her reaction. For a moment her expression was unfathomable as she stared straight ahead into nothing. Then she lifted her gaze to meet his, and leaned closer. Her heart skipped a beat at the same time his did and she closed her eyes. He could feel her warm breath on her face, mingling with his. She brushed her lips against his, the touch only feather light and fleeting. For once in his life Norm didn't hesitate. He didn't calculate, analyze, question. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers.

Her reaction was unexpected, but not unwelcome. She kissed him back, her warm lips dancing with his. His arms were somehow wrapped around her small frame and his hands hopelessly tangled in her thick hair. Not that he minded. She traced the contours of his face with her fingers, messed up his hair and wrinkled his clothing. Her lips were soft but burning hot, and Norm was drinking fire. As she pulled him closer, and a small moan escaped from her mouth, or maybe his. He closed his eyes, leaning forward with unexpected gusto, pinning her back to the cool metal of the roof as he kissed her.

And suddenly she had slipped away, right out from under his grasp, and was sitting opposite him, looking at him with a smile. Norm pulled himself up to sit cross legged, feeling both sheepish and triumphant.

"You naughty boy," she teased, and he stuck his tongue out at her for a moment, like a silly little child. "You're driving me crazy, you know that?" She shook her head and stood, picking up her mask, and turning to walk away.

"You're leaving?" he asked, suddenly confused.

"I have to sleep sometime."

"Oh, come on. Stay out here a little longer," he said invitingly.

"Hm…" She looked him up and down. "Nope, sorry. I'm out past my curfew." She smiled. "Goodnight."

Norm nodded at her. "Night Ace."

Trudy disappeared over the side of the building, and he heard her step back into the base. He sighed and lay stretched out on his back, hands behind his head, looking up at the bright planets and stars in the Pandorian night sky. You couldn't see stars like that on Earth. Too much pollution. Here there were thousands of them, glittering like tiny drops of liquid diamond against a silky black backdrop. There weren't any shooting stars that night, so he made a wish on a satellite instead. At the time it didn't seem so silly. Nothing seemed silly now, actually. Nothing seemed impossible.

Half an hour later he slipped into the bunk below hers, his lips and fingertips still tingling. He closed his eyes and slept better than he had in years.

Trudy didn't sleep a wink.

-

**DAY 28; 09:00 **

Yeah yeah, she had kissed a boy before. She'd done a lot more than that, actually, but not much she would readily admit to. She'd always been popular with the guys, who found her both sexy and intimidating, refreshing and confusing. She'd never really called herself pretty, but she knew she certainly wasn't ugly. And she had usually been level headed about this kind of thing. She'd said yes to every guy who'd ever asked her out, been a fabulous girlfriend for some of them, broken their hearts when they told her they loved her, and moved on. It'd been routine, simple, easy.

Now she wasn't so sure.

She was doing a routine check over her Samson while Norm monitored the plants in the garden Grace had put together their second day in the Hallelujah Mountains. Grace and Jake had been called back to base to give some kind of report, and to pick up Norm's apparently rehabilitated avatar. A different pilot had picked them up, and Trudy and Norm had been left alone together, up in the mountains. She'd never been quite so aware of this before – but they did spend a lot of time together, didn't they? Occasionally she'd glance over at him, and he'd grin at her, almost deliriously happy. She'd offer him a small smile in return and then go back to whatever it was she was doing.

Obviously he was smart. He was cute, too, in a way Trudy didn't see very often on Pandora. His intentions were good, his heart was in the right place. And for some bizarre reason, he liked her. She hadn't expected that. Usually his type went for the intellectual, scientific women that were Trudy's polar opposite. But he had instead chosen her. Whether or not that was a good thing – for either of them – she had yet to determine.

She looked over at him again, meticulously calculating growth rates and soil composition. She reminded herself to breathe normally and looked back down at the control panel of the Samson. Inhale, exhale. That's what she'd learned all her life. When she was stressed or excited, her father's deep voice would usually come from the other side of the table, calm and reassuring – "_Breathe_, Trudy. Deep breaths. In, out, in, and out." When she was terrified her commander's orders seemed to drown out any other noise. "Deep breaths, Chacon. You can do this." Her flight instructor, her friends, her sister – all had constantly reminded her how to keep her head, all by carefully inhaling and exhaling gaseous oxygen.

But no one had ever taught her how to let herself go.

No one had ever told her to take a chance. No one had ever told her to hyperventilate, cry, scream, or laugh all she wanted. Sure, when she flew, she felt free – but had she ever really been free? Had she ever let something less rational but infinitely more important take control?

In all honesty, no.

So maybe now was her chance.

She looked up at Norm again, and this time she didn't duck away when his eyes met hers. She stared him down, brave and terrified, conflicted and sure. He cocked his head to one side, looking at her curiously. She smiled wide. Maybe this was her opportunity to really fly.

Trudy took a deep breath, and then let herself forget she was even breathing.

She climbed out of the cockpit and waved to him. "C'mere," she said simply. Norm obeyed immediately, almost dropping his clipboard in his hurry. Trudy laughed and took his hand, leading him back inside the empty base. He took off his mask as quickly as she took off hers, and she crashed her lips against his, her heart racing. She fell backwards onto their couch and pulled him on top of her. He was puzzled but willing, and she smiled to herself as she pulled him as close as she could. She fiddled with the buttons of his shirt, giggled as he kissed her neck. She thought nothing for deep breaths, all she knew is that suddenly her chest could barely contain her heart. She felt truly free for the first time in her life.

They lay skin to skin, eye to eye, heart to heart.

-

**DAY 28; 10:00 **

_Bliss_.

That was the perfect word to describe this feeling, Norm decided.

He and Trudy lay on the couch, the blanket from his bunk pulled on top of them. He lay on his back, head resting on the small pillow, one arm wrapped around the woman beside him. Trudy was curled up around him, his chin resting on her head, her warm breath on his neck. Norm closed his eyes and allowed himself to enjoy the moment.

Occasionally less pleasant thoughts – this was happening _way_ too fast, a sexual relationship between coworkers was strictly prohibited, what if she got tired of him? – tugged at the back of his mind, but he was able to dismiss them rather quickly. All he had to do was hold her a little closer, and everything else flew out the window.

He looked down at her after a few moments, as he realized she was trembling. "Are you-?" he began to ask, but she had tilted her head up to look at him, beaming and laughing, loud and hard. He watched her for a moment, a smile on his own face, but it slowly faded and his ears turned red. She wasn't laughing at…at _him_, was she? He may not have been the most, ah, _experienced_ man in the world, but he didn't think he was actually pitiful. "That's not very encouraging," he told her, half seriously.

"I – I'm sorry," she said, catching her breath. "I'm not laughing at _you_." She rolled onto his chest, holding his head between her hands and leaning forward to kiss him again. "I'm just happy," she finished, resting her forehead on his. "Happier than I've been in a while."

"Sex high," Norm replied. "Endorphins."

"Way to spoil it," she retorted, rolling back onto her side, but still smiling. She shut her eyes dreamily. "You're incredible, you know that?"

Norm kissed her cheek. "You're incredible too," he replied softly. Trudy opened her eyes, and for a long moment just stared at him. His green eyes were calm and pleased, almost mirrors of her own brown ones.

"Trudy," Norm said quietly. "I lo-"

"Norm," she interrupted hastily. She sat up, the blanket slipping down her soft tan skin. "Do you want to go for a fly?"

"Uh, okay," said Norm. "Yes. Very yes. I would really like that."

They spent the remainder of the day cruising around the Hallelujah Mountains. Norm pointed out various plant and animal species, and Trudy showed him all major landmarks, usually adding a random story to each place, stories that made Norm laugh and cringe. She offered to let him fly again, and he'd declined. To his surprise, she let out a sigh of relief. "Good. I'm not _that_ brave." Of course, Norm didn't buy that.

And surprisingly, Trudy didn't either.

She knew she was almost fearless in the face of mortal danger. But she was starting to remember the guts it took to actually let someone in for the first time in a long time. It took real nerve to look someone in the eye and say, "Hi, this is me. I am what I am, you are what you are, let's fall in love." Of course, she didn't actually say this out loud. And she tried not to let herself think it.

It is common knowlege that trying and succeeding are two very different things.

Norm, meanwhile, was absolutely delighted and delightful. He didn't hold back his thoughts in the slightest. He finally had something to dream about, and dream he did.

-

**DAY 29; 01:36**

Trudy sat alone on the roof top, a thousand thoughts colliding in her head. While she was certainly crazy about Norm, it was nice to have this moment to herself, a moment to try to straighten them all out.

She had come up here intending to sort things out, to take a step back and examine her situation from every angle – the way she might fly into new territory. But instead, she let the present drift away, and she sank into her past. She thought about her father.

Gregory Chacon was a good man. He was brave, intelligent, loyal, gracious, and above all, he'd shown Trudy what love was. Twenty years into their marriage he still called her mother "pumpkin", still referred to their late night grocery store runs as their "hot dates", and every Sunday without fail, he twirled Carmela Chacon around the kitchen, singing off key but beaming nonetheless. That was one kind of love Trudy knew he'd never fall out of. But there'd been more than that.

He'd loved their bird – a chatty little thing that cooed every morning. He'd loved his car, a beat up old thing from the 2030s that he washed and buffed once a month. He'd loved words – they way they flowed off his tongue like butter, or the way that he could change the world, through a simple, well crafted sentence.

And he'd loved Trudy.

As a little girl she'd been his weakness. He'd go to the ends of the earth for her, and he made sure she knew it. He read her stories every night, and tucked her in. Later, when dates came to pick her up, he'd show the boy in question his ammunition collection, and ask the boy to sign a piece, so that, if anything went wrong, he could truthfully say, "I've got a bullet with your name on it". Embarrassing, yes, but proof he meant business, and that he cared about his little girl. He helped Trudy pull endless all nighters when she was studying for flight school exams. He'd been a source of comfort, and of priceless advice, whenever Trudy needed either.

It was funny. She'd always thought her father would be the only person she'd ever love.

Of course, she was right. As of that moment, Trudy Chacon was certainly not in love. Maybe in lust, maybe very deeply in like, but not love.

Trudy sighed, and tried to steer her thoughts back towards her father.

He'd actually been a good singer, when he tried. And somehow, Trudy found herself singing his favorite song into the quiet darkness pressing against her skin.

"_Good night you moonlight ladies, rock-a-bye sweet baby James. Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose, won't you let me go down in my dreams…"_ Trudy's voice was like that of her father's – soft but clear, as if maybe someone could hear.

She closed her eyes, and she was six years old, sitting on her father's lap while he sang her to sleep. He sang away the monsters under her bed, he sang away the knocking at her window, he sang away the deepest fears in the darkest corners of her mind. That had been almost thirty years ago. And it was also the last time in her life she'd felt completely safe.

She wished she had someone to sing away her demons now.

-

**DAY 31; 01:33**

Norm Spellman had never believed in the tooth fairy. The Easter bunny? Absurd. Cinderella? Yeah, right. Admittedly, Santa had him going for a while there, but when he realized reindeer could not actually fly, he'd dismissed that story as well, all before he was six years old.

Norm had instead built up for himself a world of facts. A world that made sense. So obviously, when he was flung into something that made no sense whatsoever, he could only expect everything to come crashing down around him, couldn't he?

He and Trudy sat on the roof together, Trudy leaning back against his chest and his arms wrapped around her from behind. It was a beautiful night – not completely clear, but still starry and silent, and they were trying to take advantage of the small window of time they had before the air was too toxic to breathe at any hour of the day. They had been quiet for the past ten minutes or so, simply enjoying what life had to offer.

But something had been weighing on Norm's mind lately. They were somewhere in this stage called puppy love, weren't they? Acting unnatural, suddenly all kissy and giggly and inexplicably in something very close to love. All were results of hormones – the effects of chemicals pumping into their bloodstreams in unusual levels. And of course, that was bound to wear off.

"Trudy?" Norm asked softly. "What are we doing?"

Trudy frowned. "Can I have three guesses?" she asked.

"No, really," Norm insisted. "Who are we kidding? You're gorgeous, I'm ridiculous, and we're on an alien planet. How's this supposed to last?" He immediately regretted ever letting the words pass his lips. Saying things like that _was_ the reason it wasn't going to last.

Trudy sighed, half wishing he hadn't spoiled the moment, although the same question had been on her mind. "I don't know," she replied. "I haven't really done this in a while."

"Me neither."

"I'd guessed as much," she teased. She sat up, turning to look at him, intertwining the fingers of one of her hands in his. "But does it matter where we're going?" she asked. "Isn't it more important where we are?"

Norm considered her suggestion, but shook his head. "I wish I knew," he replied. "But hey," he added as Trudy's face fell and she turned to look away. "For what it's worth, I don't want it to end."

She nodded, confused. So, he was first to point out their relationship wasn't exactly unshakable, and he was first to tell her he wished it were. She wished he would just spit out exactly what he meant already. "Sounds reasonable."

Norm ran his tongue over his chapped lips, hesitating. "Look," he said, his tone changing to something a bit more straightforward. "I think we're being crazy and ridiculous, and I'm also loving every second of it. So what the hell." He smiled at her and shrugged. "It's been a long time since I've taken a chance like this. So I'm taking it. I'm all in."

Trudy was silent longer than he might have liked, but when she replied she sounded sincere. "You jump I jump, Jack."

Norm smiled. That was strangely reassuring.

-

**DAY 35; 12:34**

"Do you ever think something is the way it is just because it is that way?" Trudy asked, walking over to sit on the table where Norm was looking into a microscope. He looked up at her in surprised, slightly annoyed that she had jostled the microscope when she sat down, but nonetheless slightly intrigued.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean do you really have to figure out how every little thing in the universe works, or do you ever cut corners and say, "Yes. It's weird. The end.""

Norm had to smile at that. "Yes, it's weird, the end?"

"Well, it'd be easier."

"You sound like a creationist."

"You sound like an idiot!" Grace called from the other room. "No, you sound like a marine."

"Watch it." Jake replied sharply. Trudy rolled her eyes and Norm laughed.

"In the scientific world, that doesn't really fly," he said at last. "It's our _job_ to figure out how the universe functions. We don't like cutting corners on that."

She nodded. "Alright. I buy that." She paused. "But doesn't it ever just seem too…_random_ for there to be a logical explanation?"

Norm shrugged. "God does not throw dice," he quoted.

Trudy laughed. "Yeah, it's more like playing drunken, blindfolded darts."

"Ye of little faith."

Trudy folded her arms across her chest. "To the contrary. I believe in a lot of things."

"Such as?"

"Karma. Destiny. God. Not luck, though."

"Why not?"

"It seems like the ultimate blame game cheat. I failed, I missed, I forgot, and I'm going to chalk it all up to bad luck. I don't know – that just doesn't work for me."

"There's good luck too."

"Oh really? Fine. Why're you lucky?" She raised her eyebrows and stuck a hand on her hip, looking expectantly at him.

"I'm lucky I found you," he offered, ignoring Jake's annoyed mumblings of "get a room".

Trudy's smiled, however, and it was as though it was the first time she ever had. It spread almost ear to ear as she stared at him, her grin lighting up her whole face. "Well thanks, slick. I guess I'm lucky you feel that way."

-

**DAY 38; 08:54**

Of course, they had their bad days too.

"_Nooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm!"_ Jake and Grace had a habit of mysteriously disappearing into their pods or outside whenever Trudy was shouting. Norm sometimes wondered how they did it, and if it was something that could be taught. Besides, now really wasn't the time.

Lately they'd been bugging each other. Nothing too drastic or obnoxious, but still, the little things added up to a lot. An off color comment here, a not-quite-joking insult there, a combination of little annoying idiosyncrasies ("Will you stop saying _"Uh.."_ all the time?" "Don't leave your stuff on my bunk." "Stop snapping your gum so loudly.") and high tensions as the pressure from Quaritch and Selfridge increased made for a rather unpleasant atmosphere. Living in close quarters for so long certainly hadn't helped either. In fact, for the past couple of days it seemed that everyone was ticked at everyone else. Everyone's mind was somewhere else – lost in the forest, or the past, or somewhere completely different – and having their body still trapped here, in this metal shack, was making everyone stir crazy and irritable.

"Not now, Ace" he breathed, refocusing the microscope.

"Yes, _now_." Norm sighed and tried to ignore her, and ended up with something sopping wet and heavy on his head.

"Hey!" He spun around, pulling it off, and realized it was a towel. He sighed. "What's this?" he asked, holding it up.

Trudy was standing in the doorway, looking displeased. "Fourth time this week," she said.

"What?"

"This is the fourth time this week you've left your towel on the bathroom floor."

_Ugh, not now…_ "Look, I'm sorry. I'll fix it," he said, turning around.

"Norm!" she said, and he reluctantly turned back. "I'm serious," she said. "It's annoying."

"Oh, c'mon it's not that bad-"

"It is! It's obnoxious and they never dry and I'm sick of cleaning up after you, because I am _not_ your mother!"

"Trudy, now really isn't the time-"

She leaned down and yanked the microscope cord near her feet out of the outlet. Norm groaned. "C'mon," he said, standing to plug it back in. She stepped in front of it.

"It's just one little thing," she said resolutely. "Promise me – for _real_ this time – that it won't happen again, and I'll plug it back in."

_I can't believe we're having this argument._ It was the dumbest thing. He knew she actually didn't mind picking them up at all – this was probably about the whole principle of the matter. Or Trudy's general tendency to be a control freak. Nevertheless, he gave in. It was faster, and probably a lot less painful. "Fine," he said, putting his hands up. "You know what? _Fine_. I'll stop. But you…you've got to stop something too, alright?"

Trudy crossed her arms. "Fine."

"Fine."

"Fine!" They stared at each other for a minute, each trying to tower over the other, like two armies poised for battle – one readying for a blitz attack, one prepared to outlast a siege. "So what is it?"

"What's what?"

"What do I have to stop doing, moron?!"

"Oh." Norm coughed and racked his mind. Surely there was _something_ annoying about her…she had to stop singing ancient U2 songs so loudly in the shower? No, that was fairly entertaining. She had to stop hogging the blanket? No, that gave him an excuse to pull her closer. She had to stop waking him up when Jake and Grace were out by tickling him ruthlessly? Actually, that was kind of cute… "Stop eating oranges while you're on my computer," he said at last, indignant and triumphant, holding his ground.

Trudy paused. "I'm sorry?"

"You heard me!" said Norm. "It makes my keyboard sticky, and you leave bits of peel everywhere, and my laptop smells like citrus, and I want you to stop."

Trudy frowned at him for a moment, eyebrows knit together on her face. "That's ridi-" she started, but stopped herself. She sighed, then shrugged. "Fine," she agreed, holding out her hand, a sort of white flag.

"And don't steal my shirts anymore," Norm added, feeling victorious.

The white flag withdrew sharply. "Hey, that's two things," she said. "Besides, they look better on me than on you."

"Hm. Can't argue with that one," Norm teased, no longer feeling quite so cold. He held out his hands. "I don't leave my towels on the floor, you don't eat oranges on my computer," he reiterated. "Truce?" he asked, holding out a hand.

Trudy nodded approvingly. "Truce." The opposing generals shook hands, each rather relieved the battle had been resolved so quickly and painlessly.

Norm smiled to himself. "Well, I think we handed that rather well," he said.

"I would agree. Very mature."

"Oh, very." He reached down then to plug his microscope back in, and she stepped to the side. "Thank you," he said civilly, and then he leaned down to kiss her.

Trudy leaned away. "Ah ah ah," she said, shaking her head slightly. "I have another proposal for you."

Norm groaned. "Already?"

"It's simpler," she said. "I don't mind a little scruff. In fact, I find it devastatingly sexy. However, I'm not digging the wolf-man look. I'll kiss you when you shave."

"You're ruthless."

She stuck out her tongue at him, and turned away. "Don't forget to hang up your towel!" she added, walking back down the hallway. Norm grudgingly turned to pick up the blue towel lying on the floor, and trudged down to the bathroom to hang it neatly on the rack. Sure, Trudy was remarkable, beautiful, interesting. But she was also crazy, and the occasional pain in the neck.

_Although_, Norm mused as he ran the razor down his chin, _she certainly knew how to make up for it_. He hummed as he scrutinized his face in the mirror, and Trudy's heart thudded unevenly in her chest as she paused outside the bathroom door. Norm rinsed his face, now adding words to the simple tune, skipping a phrase here or there, or making the lyrics up entirely. It didn't really matter what he was saying, did it? It only mattered that his voice was soft, but clear, as if maybe someone could hear. Trudy smiled to herself as he sang away their argument, and maybe, in the process, he sang away her heart.

**When I worried this was OOC or disgustingly fluffy, this was the chapter I was thinking about. I like the idea that you can breathe high in the atmosphere on certain occasions, but I'm not so sure it's very good in practice. I'm not very happy with my Trudy, but I did get to (attempt to) explore a new side of her. And I realizing they're being almost sickeningly adorable at times (specially that Norm…), but I figure most people are in the early stages of a relationship. **

**Also, the song is "Sweet Baby James", and I don't know who sings it, but it's a cute, western-y little thing I used to listen to all the time as a kid. Speaking of which, I'm not quite sure what to think of that little scene where Trudy's singing on the roof/thinking about her father.**

**But what does it matter what I think? Please, give me **_**your**_ **thoughts – they're probably more interesting anyway. **


	4. Exactly What You Want

**Ouch. I must say, the sudden decrease in reviews sent me into mild withdrawal. Hint hint. Just kidding, I assume that since most of you have lives, you may not be able to get on every single freaking day to r&r. Besides, it was Tuesday. No one does anything on Tuesday. Ever. **

…**I am such a review whore. **

**So, on with the show, yeah? This one feels a little more… "back to reality"-esque. We're done with moonlit confessions of love. **

**For now…**

-

**DAY 40; 01:35**

Norm trudged into the base, tired and filthy and accomplished. He turned the corner to walk to his bed, hoping for a quick nap before he had to go review the garden, and found that his bed was not quite available at the moment.

Trudy was sitting on the plushy black couch, knees pulled up to her chest, a projector resting on the back of the couch. She had pulled the white sheet off her top bunk and hung it down over the side, blocking off Norm's little bed, and acting as the perfect makeshift movie screen. The actual movie was ancient, black and white, old, grainy. And yet, Norm recognized it immediately, and couldn't help but smile to himself. "You're joking," he said as he walked over and sat beside her.

Trudy turned to him, a melodramatic expression on her face, lips moving in perfect time to the movie. "I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now...here's looking at you, kid."

Norm rolled his eyes. "Really, Ace? Really?"

Trudy shrugged. "It's my day off."

"Casablanca?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I'm a sucker for the classics."

Somehow, Norm wasn't surprised. "Well, they are…classic…" Thank you Captain Obvious. He cleared his throat. "Where did you get this anyway?"

"Library, during my last supplies run. Best discovery ever." She grinned.

Norm put an arm around her, shaking his head as she leaned her own on his shoulder, cuddling against him. "I can't argue with that.

Trudy watched the screen, happy. "You know Norm," she said as she intertwined her fingers with his, "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

**-**

**DAY 40; 22:07**

Norm yawned and at long last flipped the switch on his lamp. He resisted the urge to rest his head on the table and instead stumbled to his feet, walking in a trance-like state back toward his bunk. He paused, however, glancing behind him. "Trudy?" he whispered. "Ace, c'mon."

Trudy didn't reply; she was far too busy sleeping on a large textbook. Norm glanced over her notes. Complicated math equations and geometric symbols covered the page before her, sprawling but accurate. Funny, he'd never really thought of all the work she had to do outside of her helicopter.

"Ace," he said quietly, gently shaking her. "Bed time."

"Idunnawannagoddabed."

"Come on."

"Gowawaya. Imasleeping."

Norm smiled, and leaned down, gently scooping her up in his own arms. She curled up against his chest, warm and dormant. He walked quietly to their beds. Her bunk was too high for him to reach, so he gently laid her on his own, and pulled the cover up to her chin. He was about to climb up into her bunk, when he hesitated, and instead slid in next to her, arms wrapping around her tightly, a satisfied expression on his face.

After all, it's not every day you get exactly what you want.

-

**DAY 45; 20:45**

"Hey, uh, Norm?"

Norm looked up from his chart to see Jake in the doorway. "Hey."

"Listen," said Jake. "I was wondering if you could do me a solid."

"Sure, what's up?" Norm leaned back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest.

Jake sighed. "I suck, man," he said bluntly. Norm raised an eyebrow. "Really," Jake insisted. "I've got the hunting down pat. I'm good with making things, I can ride a horse well, soon I'll be able to try to get an ikran. I can swim, I can run. But I can't speak the language." He shook his head. "I've been trying," he said. "But everything Neytiri says goes in one ear and out another. It's easier to learn things like hunting from her. That's something I do with my body. I can track an animal like nobody's business. But when she quizzes me on basic vocabulary…" he trailed off. "She's started doing this thing where she only speaks to me in Na'vi. It's helping a little, but for the most part she ends up angry and I end up making a fool out of myself. Can you help me out?" he asked. "I know you're good at this stuff."

Norm didn't hesitate to agree. "Of course. When?"

"Well, I'm free now."

Norm smiled. "Alright then. Let's get you speaking Na'vi."

An hour later, both were hunched over the table, tired but progressing.

"Hello?"

"_Kaltxi._"

"Hometree?"

"_Kelutrel_."

"Truth?"

"_Tingay._"

"Thank you."

"_Irayo._"

"Please."

"Uh…" Jake closed his eyes, trying to remember. "Rutxe?"

"Roll the 'r' more."

"Rrrrrutxe?"

"_Rutxe._"

"_Rrrrrooutxe Rrrutxe. Rutxe._"

Norm nodded. "Good. Very good. _Tsun oe nga-hu ni-Na'vi pivangkxo a fi'u oe-ru prrte lu._"

"Uh, right back at you buddy."

Norm rolled his eyes. "Not quite. But we're getting there." He glanced at his watch. "It's late," he commented, standing.

"Yeah. Well, thanks," offered Jake. "Really. I owe you big time." He leaned over the Na'vi dictionary Norm had been using moments ago as Norm walked into the other room. "Oh, and Norm?" Jake said suddenly. Norm turned around in the doorway. "I got you in with the Na'vi. Neytiri and Mo'at want to meet you tomorrow, if you're interested."

Norm's eyes widened. "Really?" he asked, unable to hide his enthusiasm.

Jake smiled and nodded. "Yep. They're looking forward to it. I hope you live up to the guy I raved about."

Norm nodded excitedly. "I'm sure I will," he promised quickly, only just able to refrain from skipping down the hallway and into bed beside Trudy.

-

**DAY 46; 07:34**

"Well someone looks happier than a bird with a french-fry," commented Trudy as she sat at the table besides Norm that morning, coffee in hand. "What's your deal?"

"I'm going with Jake and Grace into the Na'vi village today," replied Norm, ecstatic. "He talked them into letting me into Hometree. Isn't it great?"

A grin spread across Trudy's face. "Sure is. I'm happy for you babe. That's amazing."

"I know!" Norm babbled. "I could hardly sleep last night. It's going to be so incredible – I haven't gotten to use my Na'vi much before, but I think I'll be ready, I've been practicing, and Grace said I've been doing much better than when I first got here. It will be such an honor to meet Mo'at – she's the interpreter for Eywa, it's pretty much like meeting the pope. I can't believe Jake got me in, it's such an opportunity, I…what's so funny?"

Trudy was laughing, clutching her sides, head thrown back. "You're just the most adorable thing ever," she said when she caught her breath, eyes shining.

"Oh," said Norm, blushing slightly. "Thanks, Ace."

-

**DAY 47; 09:36 **

"Trudy?"

Trudy looked up from packing her duffel. "Hey Norm," she said, looking unhappy.

"What are you doing?" he asked, sitting down on his bunk across from her.

"I've been called back to base," she said, in that mess-with-me-and-I'll-break-your-face tone Norm tended to avoid. "Something about running drills and refitting Samsons. And they want me to learn how to fly a Scorpion. A _Scorpion_ – stupidest machine ever, Norm. It's basically a gun on a paper plane. Effective, but boring as hell. Flying a Samson – now that's an _art_."

"You're joking," said Norm. "You're really leaving? Now?"

"Yes. "Immediately means immediately, Miss Chacon, do not disappoint me"," she repeated in an eerily spot-on Quaritch impression. "Get your head out of the clouds and your ass back to base." She sighed, defeated.

Norm frowned. He'd just gotten used to having her around, and now, out of nowhere, she was leaving? What if they needed her? What if he just didn't want her to go?

Of course, that was stupid. Their jobs came first. Need outweighed wants. Though, he couldn't help but wonder if Trudy was a need.

"You know, Ace, I heard that mmmmph…" His eyes widened as Trudy suddenly stood and planted a kiss on him, wrapping her arms around his neck. After a second he kissed her back, something along the lines of _I am the luckiest person on the face of this planet or the next_ crossing the back of his mind.

"I'll miss you buddy," she said mechanically when she pulled away a moment later.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder," mused Norm.

"Yeah. I heard sex does that too." She rolled her eyes, and slung her bag over her shoulder. "Well, happy trails. See you eventually." She saluted him and turned to leave. Norm stood at the window, and watched her Samson until it had disappeared in the sky.

-

**DAY 51; 20:46 **

Trudy landed in the hanger, drove the Scorpion over to its designated place, and killed the engine. She shut her eyes and leaned back in her chair, pinching the bridge of her nose. Flying these things tended to give her a headache. After a moment she turned to face the terrified man in the seat next to her. "What?" she asked.

The flight instructor was pinned to his seat, eyes wide, seemingly shocked into silence. "I – uh – I – I – I,"

"You – you – you," Trudy mocked. "C'mon, doc, how'd I do?"

"Um, well…" The man fumbled with his notes. "You handled those very, very sharp turns nicely. And you didn't hit anything. We could work on speed, but, um…" He slunk down in his chair as she stared at him. "You did great," he squeaked, and turned to throw himself out of the plane and into the hangar, eager to get as far away from Trudy as possible.

Trudy sighed. Alright, so it wasn't really the poor guy's fault. After all, it wasn't his choice to get paired with her. But really, did this training have to take so long? She missed her friends in the mountains. Crazy, fantastic Grace, who had the magical ability to get everything and anything done, and whose passion was…well, inspiring. Cool cat Jake, lost but eager, serious and funny, endlessly entertaining and dedicated. And, of course, Norm.

Norm, Norm, Norm…

"Truds!" Trudy looked up to see a blonde woman in a pilot's uniform waving at her. She grinned and waved back. "Hey Mandy," she called, unbuckling herself and hopping out of the Scorpion.

"They've got you flying these lame ass things too?" asked Amanda, jerking her thumb toward the Scorpion.

"Ugh, I don't want to talk about it," Trudy said unhappily. "So how's your life?"

Amanda was blonde and resembled something along the lines of a stick. She was forty-three, looked twenty-one, and had been flying on Pandora for the better part of fifteen years. She was also the closest thing Trudy had to a "best friend" on the base. She shrugged a skinny shoulder. "Same old, same old."

"That bad?"

"Ha ha, very funny. I don't know. Quaritch is a pain, Scorpions are driving me crazy, and if another guy whistles at me again today, I swear I'm ripping off-"

"Hey Trudy! Amanda!" The two women turned around to see another pilot running to catch them. Both grinned.

Michael Connery was head of…well, of something. No one seemed to be very clear on what. However, he was easily one of the most likeable people on Pandora, if not in the world. He'd started both Amanda and Trudy off on their flying careers, much to the delight of both. He told things like they were, something Trudy admired him for, and he tended not to take sides. Certainly, he had his own…idiosyncrasies. He was known for being over the top, and uncannily good at reading people. Quite the character.

He walked between the two women, wrapping an arm around each waist as he joined them. "And how are you?" he asked with a smile. "Actually, let me guess…" He looked pointedly at Amanda. "You're as bitter as ever," he said. "You hate the Scorpion situation, and you haven't slept in three days. Despite this, you're surprisingly happy to see me – and, our course, our beloved Trudy – and you're going to be very excited to hear drinks are on me tonight." Amanda raised her eyebrows, opened her mouth to say something, then shrugged and nodded. Michael nodded, and turned to look at Trudy. He paused. "And you're tired, irritable, and hopelessly in love."

Trudy hesitated only a split second before laughing out loud. "And _you've _had too much sun," she replied, hardly missing a beat. "C'mon, then, I want my free drink."

-

**DAY 51; 23:05**

Trudy yawned. "I'm beat," she declared, slurring her words together, making a mental note to never again accept free alcohol. She stood shakily, almost tumbling right over. Ugh…she could already feel the oncoming hangover. "I hate you," she told Michael.

He only smiled at her, and stood. "Come on, then," he said, wrapping an arm around her waist and putting one of her arms over his shoulder. "Let's get you to bed." They stumbled awkwardly through the hallways, toward the bunkers.

"Thanks, Mikey," Trudy mumbled as they finally reached her room. She sat down on her bed, and kicked off her boots. "You're such a moron."

"You're welcome," he replied. "You want me to grab anything for you?"

She shook her head, and immediately regretted doing so. She laid her head on her pillow, sighing. "I hate you…" she muttered again.

"So who's the lucky guy?" Michael asked.

"What guy?"

"The one you've got the hots for."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Come one, Truds. I know you."

"You'd like to think so."

"Alright." Michael shrugged. "Whatever. None of my business, I guess. Just…be careful, right Trudy?"

"He's a geek. I don't have anything to be careful of," Trudy sighed into her pillow.

"You say that now," said Michael. "Just don't forget who you are, yeah?"

Trudy laughed. "And what am I Michael?"

"You're a pilot, Trudy. Remember it. Amanda and I – we're the best friends you're ever going to have." He flipped off the light, and turned to walk out the door.

-

**DAY 52; 11:29**

Trudy groggily opened her eyes, lurched into the bathroom, and threw up for the next ten minutes.

Ah, hangovers…

Bleary eyed and regretful, she stood and made her way back into her room. She smiled at the cup of coffee that was waiting for her, exactly how she liked it – black as night and sweet as sin. She brushed her teeth, took a quick cool shower, and picked up the cup of coffee as she sat down at the tiny computer in each room. The liquid was lukewarm, but made up for it with copious of caffeine, and she gulped it down gratefully, along with a couple (or maybe a bottle – who was keeping count?) of Aspirin. She pulled up her schedule, grateful to remember it was her day off, and that she was going to get back to the mountains soon. Just a couple more days in this hell hole, and she'd be off.

She opened up her e-mail account – something she hadn't done in a while. No new messages, obviously. But she decided it was probably time she wrote one of her own. She clicked New, and a blank screen popped up, clinical and expectant.

_Dear Izzy,_

Trudy rubbed her forehead for a moment and took another sip before continuing, typing out the sentences slowly, one thought at a time.

_Hey sissy. Life goes on. Things are pretty much the same as when I wrote you last. If you want more details I'll give them to you, but if you don't mind, I'll leave the formalities out of this one and cut to the chase. _

_There's this guy. His name is Norm. He's adorable, tall, geeky and sweet as can be. Kinda nerdy like you. Just kidding. But really, he's great. He's a scientist here with the avatar program, and…well, one thing lead to another, and another, and another. _

_I wish you could meet him. You'd like him, I know you would. He's bumbling, but brilliant. Darling and funny and interesting. And an amazing kisser, which was a pleasant surprise. Confusing at times, but…you know how it goes. He's his own person. He's different from the people I'm used to here, and it's refreshing, but it's also terrifying. I'm not scared of _him, _but I'll admit, I'm scared. I have no idea what to expect from him. He surprises me more than I let him see. _

_And because I know you'd ask, the L word hasn't yet crossed my lips. I don't love him. It's nothing like that. I appreciate him, respect him, enjoy him, like him. He's great. Yes, I know I already said that, but it's true. He makes life worth something. _

_Anyway, I should go. Plenty of sleep to catch up on. _

_All my love,_

_Trudy_

Trudy hit send. Then she paused, and sighed, shutting her eyes and rubbing her temples. She reread over the e-mail carefully.

"Oh, Trudy," she muttered to herself. "What the hell have you gotten yourself into?" She stared at the words on the screen for a moment, then clicked back into her inbox. A new message was waiting for her, and an all too familiar at that.

"We're sorry," it read. "Sending to has failed. Select "okay" to retry."

Of course it had failed. Izzy had died when she was seven, and Trudy was nine. Trudy sighed, and wished for the millionth time that her little sister was here. Even as a child, Izzy knew the right things to say. She wasn't afraid to say them either.

And somehow, that made her completely different from Trudy.

-

**DAY 53; 06:30**

_Riiiiiing_.

"Ugh…"

_Riiiiiiiing._

"Gowaway."

_Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing._

Trudy begrudgingly opened her eyes and staggered over to the computer. It was her last day off, and she was being woken up early. She blinked a few times, groggily hitting "Answer". Norm's face appeared on the screen. "Yeeeeeeees?" Trudy asked, leaning back in her chair and smiling dryly at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he said. "Did I wake you up?"

"Oh, no," said Trudy sarcastically. "In fact, I just got back from running a half marathon, and now I think I'll go build a school. After all, it is my day off."

"Sorry," said Norm sheepishly, looking down.

Trudy saw his crestfallen expression and sighed. "No, I'm sorry. I'm just sleepy, that's all. What's up?"

"Uh, well…when you left did you by chance take my blue shirt with you?"

Trudy paused. "I'm sorry?"

Norm shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Um. Yes. It's dark blue, with a Pandora insignia in the corner."

"I'll go look," said Trudy slowly. She stood. A moment later, she reappeared on Norm's computer screen, now wearing a too big blue shirt. "This one?" she asked as she took her seat once more. Norm nodded. "Then yes, I picked it up while I was packing. I'm sorry. Do you miss it?" she teased.

"No," replied Norm sincerely. "Just you."

Trudy paused, but a smile spread slowly across her face. "Miss you too," she replied. "And now, I am going back to bed. See you soon, slick. Don't call me anymore."

Norm nodded. "See you Ace." Trudy clicked a button and Norm's screen went black. He leaned back in the chair, rocking side to side in it, staring straight ahead. "Oh, come on, Norm," he said to himself. "What the hell have you gotten yourself into?"

-

**And there you go. Plenty of angst and fluff and pilots to go around. Life can be such a scorpion. Sorry about the random movie quotes, it's just that Casablanca is A-MA-ZA-ZING. Highly recommend it. **

**Also, curious to know what you think of Michael and Mandy (ew, just noticed their little alliteration dealio. Hm). They're a recent installment; they hadn't been in the original rough draft. **

**Whoa. You know, I just realized this is the halfway point. Dude. It's all downhill from here… Or maybe it's uphill. I never understood that expression. Downhill is easier, but has a negative connotation, uphill is hard, but when things are "looking up" we're happy…huh. Clichés, man. **

**Peace, love, happiness, and all that other flower child stuff!**


	5. Lonely

**Now that's more like it. Anyway, thanks a million for your lovely reviews. I love getting them. **

**So, let's talk titles/summaries…**

**I suck at them. **

**I mean, I had to steal mine from the ever fabulous Regina Spektor. Yes, this bugs me. No, I'm not going to change it. I just wanted a moment to complain, and to tell ya'll that if any of you are bursting with summary suggestions, now's the time to lay em on me!**

**Now then, back to our favorite twenty-second century couple…**

**-**

**DAY 55; 22:35**

Trudy landed her Samson, said a quick "thank you" to the heavens as she had not crashed while flying in the dark through the Hallelujah Mountains, and walked into the base as quietly as she could. It was late, and everyone else had gone to bed. She hung up her mask and put down her duffel bag to unpack in the morning, though she did grab a change of clothes out of it before tiptoeing down to the bathroom. She took a quick shower, and the warm water felt divine on her skin. She sighed, content. When she was a kid, and they went on vacation, the first thing she did upon returning was hop in the shower. It was nice to be home.

She threw on her pajamas, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and then walked back to the bunks, sliding in next to Norm on the bottom bunk and placing a kiss on his cheek. His eyes fluttered open for a moment, and then he smiled. "You're back," he said quietly.

"Yep."

"Good." He shifted to make more room for her, and she happily wriggled under the covers next to him, head resting on his arm. Norm leaned forward suddenly, and kissed her properly. Surprised but not unwilling, Trudy kissed him back for a moment, one hand running through his hair as her lips moved with his. The kiss left her unexpectedly breathless, and he smiled at her. "I'm glad," he said.

"Good," Trudy echoed. She shut her eyes, curling up next to him and reveling in how _right_ everything suddenly felt. It was strange, how her home in Hell's Gate, back with Amanda and Michael…it was nothing like her home here.

Norm studied her face, glad to see she looked at peace. "Trudy?" he whispered softly through the darkness after a few minutes.

"Mhmm?"

"I have something to tell you."

"Mmm…"

Norm leaned forward, pressed his forehead to hers. "I…I adore you."

Trudy smiled in her dreams. "I adore you too," she murmured contentedly. "And I will for the rest of my life."

-

**DAY 58; 13:04**

Trudy sat hunched over the small table, muttering to herself about wind currents as she scribbled complex diagrams that more often than not extended right off the page and onto the table. Norm meanwhile was monitoring Grace and Jake, who were hooked up to their avatars. Occasionally the two would glance up at each other, maybe exchange small smiles, but for the most part it was silent except for the clicking of the keys and the scratching of lead on paper.

Trudy erased a cosine formula and looked unhappily at her charts. She sighed. Sure, it was nice to be back in the mountains. At the same time, though, the monotonous chore of recording and graphing reserved only for rainy or particularly windy days had never been something she actually enjoyed. She preferred more hands on work – she'd rather be dodging bullets than running numbers any day. She sighed. Clearly, it was going to be a looooong day…

And then suddenly, the sound of thunder.

_CRASH_

The entire room – the entire _world_ – shook, and Trudy tumbled onto the ground as things clattered and shattered around her. Eyes wide, she looked wildly around for some sign of what had happened. In a second, Norm was beside her, pulling her back to her feet, holding her by the shoulders. "Are you alright?" he asked quickly.

"Yeah – yeah, I'm fine. I'm a marine, kid, don't worry about it." She stepped back and looked around. "What _was_ that?" she asked. Not waiting for an answer, she grabbed a mask and rushed outside, where there were more loud crashes echoing off each other. Norm hurriedly followed suit. What he saw was magnificent. And what he saw was terrifying.

The Hallelujah Mountains were flying wildly and violently through the sky, the great masses of rock crashing against each other. Entire mountains shattered into millions of tiny pieces, flying in all directions, clashing against each other in the air around them. Waterfalls turned to rivers, trees uprooted, and the wind howled around it all, wild and thunderous – a dormant spirit come out to play God.

"What's going on!?" Trudy shouted, trying to drown out the wind. Norm, replied, but she could only make out a few words – words like "magnetism", "haywire", and "duck!" She hit the ground just in time, and a boulder flew directly over her head.

The next instant she was back on her feet, running towards the base. Norm was at her heels, and the two burst into the compound. "You get Jake, I've got Grace!" Trudy called. Norm nodded as they each grabbed another mask off the wall before rushing to the others. "Rise and shine, sleeping beauty," Trudy muttered as she hit the red button on the control panel. Behind her she could hear Jake's cries of "What are you doing?" A moment later the pod opened and Grace was looking up at her, livid. "What the hell is-" She was cut off as Trudy suddenly pressed a mask to her face.

"Sorry Gracie, but we've gotta run," she replied, half dragging Grace out of the base and towards the plane. Grace's eyes were wide as she saw the show of destruction raging around them. "Clear the vents!" Trudy called over the chaos.

"What?" asked Grace.

"Un-Velcro the red things!" Trudy shouted as she hopped into her Samson. She fiddled with buttons and levers, the aircraft puttering to life like an old car. "Come on, baby, come on…"

"Clear!" Grace declared as she swung into the Samson besides Trudy. Trudy pulled down a final lever, and the Samson roared to life. Trudy glanced desperately out the window as the hail of mountains began to erode into a sandstorm, making it increasingly more impossible to see anything. And suddenly, Norm burst out of the cloud, Jake on his back. They reached the Samson an instant later, and Grace pulled them in quickly.

"Buckle up!" called Trudy as she rapidly flicked switches and squinted through the storm. While the wind howled and the mountain thundered above them, inside the Samson everyone had gone dead silent. Trudy didn't even realize she was holding her breath as she carefully maneuvered around the trembling rocks, higher and higher and higher into the sky, her Samson dipping and swerving and rocking back and forth, vicious, chaotic, and weirdly graceful.

And suddenly, as they realized they were finally – _finally – _above the chaos, the four let out a collective sigh of relief. "Hell's Gate, then?" asked Trudy in a shaky voice. The others could only nod as the mountains shattered behind them.

-

**DAY 59; 10:06**

Trudy and Norm walked down the empty hallway, hand in hand, on their way towards the bio lab.

"So the atypical magnetic activity ultimately produced a Maricourt Wave, radiating from the center of the Tree of Souls outward. The sudden shift in gravity and electromagnetic force caused the mountains to become unstable, and shift so violently. Or something like that."

Trudy raised her eyebrows. "Or something like that?"

Norm shrugged. "It's a theory in progress."

Trudy smiled, and paused suddenly. "What's that?" she asked, peering down the corridor they were passing. Muffled shouts were echoing down the long metal hallways of Hell's Gate, angry but not quite coherent.

Norm frowned and followed. "Sounds like Grace," he said after a moment. "Who do you think-?"

"I'm gonna go check it out," said Trudy, dropping his hand. "I'll see you later?"

"Sure," replied Norm, leaning forward to place a brief kiss on her forehead. "See you tonight." He turned and continued toward the bio lab.

Trudy stepped quietly down the hallway, stopping as she rounded a corner. She slunk quickly behind a weapons case the moment the caught a glimpse of Grace and Quaritch engaged in another shouting match.

"You don't have the authority to do that, Quaritch, your jurisdiction-"

"I have the authority to do whatever the hell I please, lady. I'm not sure if you noticed, but I happen to have the biggest gun, and a very large number of loyal men at my command."

"You stupid, selfish, son of a bitch," Grace snapped. "This is exactly your problem – you can't solve everything in a fist fight."

"Watch me."

"Quaritch, stop, don't-"

But the Colonel had already disappeared down the hallway, leaving behind a fuming Grace and a curious Trudy. She slid out from her little hiding place, walking towards Grace. "What was that?" she asked.

Grace turned around, looking furious. "Colonel prick is trying to keep us from going back to the base in the Hallelujah Mountains."

"What? Why?"

Grace rolled her eyes. "He finds the recent magnetic anomalies to be a direct assault on his whole operation. Apparently nature is no longer just something to be feared – it's directly attacking us."

"You're joking."

"I wish. He's gone insane. He's been swooping around the base all day shouting about how everything beyond the gate wants to kill us all."

"Grace, that's actually pretty sane for Quaritch."

"Whatever. Point is, we've been more or less banned from going back. As of this moment we're under house arrest. Oh, and you've been grounded."

"What?!"

Grace put up her hands. "Hey, hell if I know what's going on. Talk to him about it." She jerked her head toward the direction Quaritch had walked off in and began to stomp away.

"Wait, where are you going?" asked Trudy quickly.

"To wring Selfridge's skinny little corporate neck!" Grace shouted as she picked up speed and disappeared around the corner. Trudy sighed, and turned to run after Quaritch.

The man hadn't gotten too far, and she caught up to him rather quickly. "Colonel Quaritch!" she called. He didn't stop. "Colonel, sir!" Quaritch paused and turned around.

"What?" he demanded. Trudy stopped in front of him, straightening and saluting. "At ease," he told her, and she lowered her hand.

"My team has been ordered not to return to the Hallelujah Mountains," she said quickly. "I would like to know why."

Quaritch paused, then smirked. "I'm sure you would. But look, I've got a very important meeting, and-"

"I'll walk with you," said Trudy. To her surprise, Quaritch nodded.

"Fine then. Keep up." He took off, strides almost twice as long as Trudy's, who was half jogging to keep up. "Did you ever hear the story about General George Smith Patton Jr., during the Peninsular Wars three hundred years ago?" Quaritch asked suddenly.

"No, sir."

"It's a good story. See, Patton had strict orders. He had a commitment to his country, and to his commanders. He was trying to move his army across Italy, and he was making good time, until he ran into a bit of a delay. The bridge his army needed to cross was blocked. Do you know what held up that army for several hours, soldier?"

Trudy shook her head. "No sir."

"A farmer and his two donkeys." Quaritch laughed, and the sound was short and hollow. "The animals refused to budge, and the army stood there, critically halted for almost a whole day. They tried coaxing the donkeys off the bridge. They tried whipping them, shouting, sweet-talking. Of course nothing worked. And finally Patton had enough." Quartich stopped suddenly, turning around, and Trudy almost ran into him. She looked up at him boldly, and he smiled as he pulled out his gun.

"Of course, his weapon was a bit different from this," he mused, examining the way the light hit the shiny metal. "But same basic principle. Point and shoot. Patton pulled out his pistol, he pressed it against the stupid jackass's head-" Here Quaritch placed the barrel of his own gun to Trudy's temple. She held her ground, but her heart skipped a beat. The metal was icy cold, and unnatural – strange and frightening on her skin. "-and _bang_. He buried a bullet in the brain of each animal." Quaritch lowered his gun, a not quite human look in his eyes.

"See, the problem wasn't _how_ to get the animals to move. It wouldn't have mattered if they used carrots or sticks – they dumb beasts weren't going anywhere. All it took was a couple balls of lead, and problem solved. They rolled the bodies off the bridge into the river, and the water washed them away, as if they had never been there to begin with." He smiled. "Good story, no?"

"Yes, sir," said Trudy, her voice even. "But I don't see what it has to do with my team taking samples in the mountains. They're interested in raw science, not the politics of it all. They aren't trying to stop a war."

The grin on Quaritch's face vanished. "You're trying to start a war, or you're trying to stop one," he said bitterly, and he turned to leave.

-

**DAY 60; 04:00 **

"Trudy? Trudy!" Norm whispered into the darkness.

Trudy opened her eyes slowly to see his face only inches above hers. She started, eyes wide, panicking for the millisecond that she didn't recognize him. She shut her eyes. "Oh, geez…"

"Sorry," he said, straightening. "Come on," he urged. "Up and at em. We're leaving."

"Norm, have you _looked_ at the clock?" Trudy groaned.

"No time, sweet pea. Grace's got the all clear to go back into the mountains – the magnetic field apparently stabilized. We're taking our chance while it's still calm."

Trudy nodded, and with great effort pulled herself up and staggered out of bed. "Who's giving me flight clearance at four in the morning?" she asked.

"Does it matter? Come _on_," Norm insisted, thrusting a cup of coffee into her hand. Trudy took a sip and her eyes widened.

"What's in this?" she asked.

"This and that," Norm replied. "Now let's _go_."

Trudy shook her head. "You know," she commented as she threw everything into her duffel bag, "sometimes I think you might be as crazy as me."

-

**DAY 63; 20:04 **

The base itself hadn't been irreparably damaged, and that in itself was more than a lucky break. Sure, a few things had broken or fallen off shelves, and everything (_everything_) had been coated in a layer of grime, but that for the most part was easy to fix.

What was a little less easy to fix was the fact that they had gone against Quaritch's direct orders, and he was now angry as hell.

Trudy had been sitting at the computer, talking to Amanda. "You're in some deep shit, Truds," the woman had said immediately.

"Hello to you too," Trudy had replied.

"This isn't funny. Quaritch is murderous."

"He's always like that. He's Quaritch. Look, this whole thing is going to blow over in a few days. We'll lay low till then. It'll be fine."

"I don't know, Truds," Amanda huffed, leaning back in her chair. "Things here…they're starting to escalate. I think Quaritch is getting ready to-"

"Relax," interrupted Trudy. "Look, they said they'd give Jake three months. We've got time. It'll be fine, don't worry about it."

"I just don't-"

"Gotta go, Mandy," said Trudy pointedly, flipping the computer off.

"Time until what?" asked a voice behind her. Trudy jumped.

"Oh, you scared me."

"Sorry Ace," said Norm quizzically, leaning on the desk beside her. "Everything okay?" he asked worriedly.

"Of course," she replied.

"It didn't sound like-"

"Everything's _fine_," Trudy insisted. She smiled and leaned forward to kiss him quickly. "Fine," she said. "I promise."

-

**DAY 65; 10:36**

"Hey slick," said Trudy with a smile. "You slept in late today."

Norm opened his eyes slowly. "Huh? What time is it?"

"Eh, who knows?" she asked. To his surprise, she suddenly leaned forward and kissed him a little more passionately than the occasion might have called for.

Norm raised his eyebrows, but nevertheless kissed her back, her mouth opening against his and his fingers running through her hair. Trudy pulled away and giggled.

"Someone's in a good mood today," Norm noted.

"Yes, yes I am," said Trudy with a grin. "The sun is shining, the dinosaurs are singing, and I just found out that Amanda's making our supplies run for us because it's her day off, and I won't have to face fire breathing Quaritch for another week." It wasn't an act. Trudy _was_ genuinely pleased – her friend had saved her ass, and she had nothing to do that day now besides sit around smugly, drink endless coffee, and teach Norm the finer points of the French kiss, as Jake and Grace would be off all day at some kind of new year's ceremony.

Norm smiled, looking bewildered but just as pleased. "I think I like good mood you," he said.

She smiled at him flirtatiously. "Good." She stood. "Now come on. Grace needs you for something," she said, pulling Norm out of bed. He leaned in to kiss her again, but she turned her head at the last moment and his lips brushed against her cheek. "Hurry up, she's already mad enough you slept in," she teased, slapping him on the butt as he turned to leave. She sat down on his bunk where he'd been a moment before. She put her hands behind her head and leaned back. It was going to be a good day.

-

**DAY 65; 13:00 **

"See you soon," said Jake impatiently, pulling the lid down over his face. Grace smiled to herself and plugged him in. She walked over to her own pod. "We'll be back in a few hours," she said as she climbed in.

"Roger that," said Norm, closing the lid on top of her and typing in the proper code to send her into her second body. The moment he was sure she was gone he looked up. Trudy had vanished.

"Ace?" he called, frowning.

"In the kitchen," she replied. He followed her voice into the tiny next room. "So, ah, do you want to join them now, or…" Trudy trailed off. She leaned back against the tiny counter, a "look-how-innocent-I-am" smile played out across her face. Her fingers drummed impatiently on the counter behind her, her foot tapping on the floor.

Norm's heart thumped unevenly. "Well, they don't really need me right now. So I figured I'd hang around here. I've got a lot to catch up on." Wait, what the hell did he say that for? _She _was the only thing he really wanted to, ah, catch up on… He blushed at the thought.

"So you'll go later."

"Later, uh, yeah."

"Later." She cocked her head to one side, and he shifted under her gaze.

"Mhm."

Trudy nodded. "Good," she said slowly, a mischievous glint in her eye.

For a moment they were silent.

And then they were very, very, _not_ silent.

Norm had crossed the room in a single lanky stride, and immediately reached down to crash his lips into Trudy's. She was twisting her fingers in his hair and as he wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her hard and held her tight. Trudy moaned, Norm's name always at her lips, and for the first time in his life, he actually liked the way it sounded. His lips began to wander, away from her mouth and across her cheek, down the side of her neck. She only tried to pull him closer.

Later that day the two lay on Norm's small bunk, both sweaty and smiling. Trudy was on top, resting her chin on her arms folded across Norm's chest. She watched him as he stared up at the ceiling, humming softly to himself. His long fingers traced random patterns on the skin of her lower back. Trudy shivered. The blanket covered them only from their waists down, but she didn't bother pulling it up. Although the air was cool on her damp skin, she didn't mind. It was a nice feeling.

Her small movement, however, distracted Norm. He stopped humming and looked to meet her eyes. "Are you cold?" She shook her head no. "Are you sure? Because I can-"

"Stop worrying," she said with a smile. "I feel perfect."

Norm grinned. "I'm glad."

Trudy leaned down to place a brief kiss on his chest before looking up at him. "You know," she commented, "you're kind of really something."

Norm raised his eyebrows. "Am I now?" She nodded. "You're kind of really something too then," he replied, leaning forward a bit to kiss her forehead. Then he lay his head back on the small pillow, and for a moment closed his eyes and let himself wonder.

He had at least five years left on Pandora. He wondered how many Trudy had – he had never really bothered to ask her. Did she sign up for more? Less? Or was she one of the lifers, dedicated to live out the rest of her days on this beautiful alien planet? That seemed right for her. He couldn't see much on earth she had to go back to. If she was going to stay here forever, would she mind if he did too?

He almost laughed out loud at the though. Trudy was dedicated, yes, but he really couldn't imagine her making that kind of a commitment.

…or could he?

He'd seen a couple children on Pandora. Not many, but enough. Some previously married couples decided to come to Pandora together, others met and fell in love after arriving. He wondered if Trudy had ever even considered having a family in the traditional sense of the word. And suddenly his mind was full of images of smiling children with big, brown eyes just like their mother's…

Norm was pulled out of his daydream as something in the other room clicked. He saw Trudy frown, and then suddenly look at him with wide eyes. "Shit."

In an instant she had rolled off of him, and was scrambling for her clothes. It took Norm a moment to realize the sounds coming from the other room were those of Jake pulling himself out of his pod and into his chair. "Norm?" he called. "Trudy?" Norm sat up, alarmed, reaching for the articles of clothing nearest to his feet, as Jake wheeled around the corner. Trudy yelped and grabbed for Norm's shirt, pulling it to cover what she hadn't gotten to, and Norm felt his ears burning as he uncomfortably shifted the blanket on his lap.

"Ah, geez, guys," Jake said, jerking his head to look in the opposite direction. "When I told you get a room I didn't mean ours! I sleep right next to you, you know that! Ugh. I've been scarred. Norm, you're such a-" His words faded into incoherent complaints as he wheeled cautiously into the other room.

Trudy turned to look at Norm, smiling when she saw he was as bright red as she was. The look of horror on his face was absolutely comical – a mixture of guilt and embarrassment, his eyes wider than usual, his mouth open in a silent "oh." Trudy threw her head back and laughed, longer and harder and louder than she had in years. The look on Norm's face slowly dissolved into relief and happiness, and he laughed with her. The next moment she had pushed him over back onto the bed, giggling and kissing his face and neck.

"I'm still _he-ere!_" Jake called from the other room.

"I don't _ca-are!_" Trudy called back brightly.

Jake rolled his eyes, but half smiled to himself as he climbed back into his pod. Bout damn time someone in this world had something to fight for: someone to care about. Someone to love.

-

**DAY 66; 11:30 **

"So, you and Trudy, huh?"

"W-what?!"

Norm's quiet lunch with Grace Augustine had suddenly gone from rather pleasant and relaxing to unbelievably…well, unbelievable _awkward_ in less than half a second.

"Don't try to deny it," she said with a half smile. "I've seen the way you look at her." She paused. "Alright, Jake told me, but same dif. So what's the deal with you two now anyway?"

Norm opened and closed his mouth a few times, debating whether or not to tell Grace she was crazy or to admit that she was right. At last, he managed to do something between the two. "I don't know what we are," he said honestly. "I don't even know how we got to where we are now." He looked up from his feet to see Grace grinning in earnest now. "It's not funny!" Grace seemed to disagree, as she broke into laughter.

"Actually, it is," she replied when she caught her breath. "The faces you two make at each other are hysterical." Norm rolled his eyes. Grace shook her head. "I don't get it, though. You're the geekiest kid I know, and I'm a scientist."

Norm raised his eyebrows. "Um…thanks?"

"It just surprises me you got that girl, that's all," Grace continued. She reached for her glass of water and took a sip. "But I hope you're happy, kid," she added thoughtfully, looking out the window.

"Oh. Well, thank you. I hope you're happy too."

Grace snapped her head back to look at Norm again. "Seriously, though, cut out the gaga eyes thing. You're making me sick." She stood and went to wash her plate, leaving Norm smiling to himself.

-

**DAY 77; 09:00**

Norm glanced out the window for the umpteenth time that day. Was it silly to miss someone after only eleven days? He sighed. Probably.

Well, definitely, if you looked at it the right way.

It wasn't that he missed _her_, so much as he missed having someone besides Jake and Grace to talk to (although Trudy herself was definitely a part of it). Not that he didn't like them. Jake had become one of his greatest friends, and Grace had been his idol since he first read her book on the Na'vi. But Trudy was very different from them both, and could be something of a breath of fresh air.

When he heard the sound of her Samson coming to land outside the base, he almost bolted out of his chair. Instead, however, he remained seated until she had actually gotten out and was walking toward the building. Then he stood, waiting near the door for her to walk through.

"Hey," he said with a smile, stepping forward to greet her as she entered. He glanced back over his shoulder for a minute, to make sure that Grace really was busy in the other room, and then wrapped his arms around Trudy for a moment, embracing her tightly. She didn't return the gesture, standing with her arms pinned to her side, looking over his shoulder. Norm let go of her, slightly puzzled but no less happy to see her. He placed a quick kiss on her forehead and took a step back. "Long time no see, Ace."

Alright, eleven days might not have been that long of a time. But still.

Trudy had been called back to headquarters to take part in some kind of new training program and for a routine inspection of her aircraft. Yes,_ again, _much to the displeasure of both of them. Norm had stayed reluctantly behind. He didn't want her to leave without him, but at the same time was excited to focus more on his work, and was not even remotely interested in seeing Colonel Quaritch or Parker Selfridge again. Besides, eleven days was nothing in comparison with the several years he would be away from earth. And he didn't want to be clingy.

Trudy had been gone for exactly as long as she said she'd be gone, not a day more or less. And while Norm was happy to see her again, she didn't seem so thrilled. "Are you okay?" he finally asked her after a moment of uncomfortable silence.

Trudy bit her lip, and stared past him for a moment longer. After what felt to Norm like forever, she finally looked up at him. "We need to talk," she said.

"Alright." He tried not to let his worry show. It was probably nothing.

"Alone?" she prompted.

"Grace is still here," he said quietly. "Jake's out, though."

"Is Grace leaving?"

"Did I hear my name?" asked Grace, stepping out of the kitchen and into the entry way. "Oh, Trudy, you're back."

She smiled. "Yes ma'am. I'm glad about it too – Colonel Quaritch is…an acquired taste."

"Oh really?"

Trudy shook her head. "Actually, he's an over muscled, crazy pain in the ass."

Grace had to smile at that. "Glad I'm not the only one who noticed." She glanced at the clock on the wall. "Oh, you're just in time too. I need you to plug Norm and me in – there's a new specimen the Na'vi barely introduced me to, they use it as medicine." She turned to Norm. "You'll love this," she insisted. "Just wait and see."

A few minutes later Grace was sliding into her avatar interface pod. "Meet me where we left of yesterday," she instructed. "Sector twelve. I'll be there shortly; I'm going to talk to Mo'at first, see if she can clear up a few questions." Norm nodded and Grace pulled the lid over her head as Trudy typed in the proper codes to send her into her avatar.

When she was finished Norm looked at her expectantly. "What was it we needed to talk about?" he asked, raising his hand to scratch the back of his head, trying even harder now to keep his voice sounding calm. He had the feeling he wasn't going to like whatever she had to say.

Trudy's reply was emotionless and to the point. "I think I'm pregnant."

Norm's eyes widened. His heart pounded unevenly in his chest, his hands were suddenly clammy. He took a step back and sunk down in the chair behind him, not blinking. "Oh." He ran his tongue over his dry lips. "Oh."

The average human IQ is 100. Norm Spellman's happened to be 156 – Einstein territory. His brain was home to approximately 6,490,000,000,000 brain cells. He had always been top of his class, top of his field. He was published several times in renowned scientific journals, and had been studying hard almost since the day he was born. He was a member of the group of humanity's most intelligent individuals. He was basically paid to think.

Throw a girl into the equation and his ability to do so flies out the window. Throw a _baby_ in the mix and his ability to form a coherent though doesn't just vanish, it reverses itself. His brain now actively works to confuse itself.

"Are you sure?" Norm managed to ask at last.

"Well, that's the good news," said Trudy grimly. She came to sit on the chair beside his. "Fear of Quaritch literally biting my head off and general lack of time means I haven't seen a doctor to confirm it. But I'm four days late, and I've been throwing up every morning for the last week. So it's a pretty good bet." She paused, face falling as she watched Norm's reaction. "Surprise," she added bitterly.

With those words, all the cheerful daydreams Norm might have ever had about their maybe-future-children flew out the window, to be replaced with a feeling of icy panic.

Hypothetical situations were one thing. The real deal was entirely different.

A thousand worries ran through Norm's mind, each more ridiculous than the last. Was it healthy? Boy or girl? Did the RDA base have any sort of maternity ward? Would Trudy even want to keep the baby? What if it had some strange Pandoric mutation? Was it alright for Trudy to fly while pregnant? Was it alright for her to even be pregnant in the first place? Was it possible to "baby proof" a lab? Where was he supposed to get a baby names book on an alien planet? What if-

"Look," said Trudy. "I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't have just sprung this on you when I'm not even positive that I'm…whatever. But I thought maybe you ought to know, just in case."

Norm was nodding. "Yes, yes," he said. "Yes, thank you for telling me. Yes."

Trudy looked him over, then sighed. "I'm sorry," she said.

"It's not your fault."

"No, it's not. It's yours."

"Hey, I-"

"Geez, slick, I was only kidding." She sighed, and leaned her head on his shoulder. Norm automatically wrapped an arm around her, and for a moment they were silent, both staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. They were far too distracted by dreams to be concerned with reality.

"What are we going to do?" Norm asked quietly. "I mean, this is-"

"I don't know," Trudy replied, sounding defeated. "I don't know." She paused. "You should go now, Grace'll be waiting."

"Should," Norm replied. Nevertheless, he stood and walked over to his pod, lay down in it, and felt a wave of relief wash over him as, for a moment, he sunk into the body of someone besides himself.

-

**DAY 77; 14:11 **

"You haven't been smoking anything unusual, have you?" asked Dr. Grace Augustine. "You've been kind of out of it all day. This is the fourth sample you've contaminated."

"I'm sorry," said Norm distractedly. "I've just…got a lot on my mind."

"Well I'm not paying for your screw ups, so hurry up and fix it, or forget about it." She leaned down to extract a piece of the golden roots they had been studying. She paused, and looked up at him suspiciously. "You haven't touched too much of this stuff with your bare hands, have you?"

The root was called _patz'un _(or _Crocinus torpeo_), and was used as an anesthetic. It caused numbness wherever it touched bare skin, and if digested had some interesting neurological side effects.

Norm shook his head. "No, I haven't."

"Hm." Grace looked doubtful, but turned to refocus on her work nonetheless.

"Trudy's pregnant," Norm blurted out.

He hadn't meant to tell anyone. But he had never been particularly good at keeping secrets, and he was bursting to tell someone. Furthermore, Dr. Augustine could probably help the situation more than hurt it. She was smart in every sense of the word, and wasn't likely to go around spreading gossip.

"Ow!" She had cut herself with the knife she was using to cut the root with, letting the blade slip when she heard Norm's news. "Damn, now I've bled all over my sample," she said unhappily. She brought her finger to her mouth and sucked on it for a moment before looking up at Norm. She scrutinized him disapprovingly, and then leaned forward to slap him across the face.

"Hey!" he said, rubbing his cheek. "What was that-?"

"Because you're an idiot, that's why. This is the fifth sample you've ruined, and you've gotten Trudy Chacon pregnant. My day could not get worse."

"But what do I do?" he stuttered.

Grace sighed. "Oh, Norm…for a PhD you're kind of stupid, you know that?" She looked at the pleading expression on Norm's face. He really was a sweet kid. Kind of dopey, at times, but also one of the brightest (and most tolerable) people she'd ever met. He knew his stuff. Although he could be completely clueless… "I can't tell you what to do," she said at last with a sigh. "But, if I was in your situation, my first move would be seeing a doctor."

Norm was nodding. "Yes, yes, of course. I'm dumb not to think of that."

_Yes you are_, Grace thought, but kept it to herself. She looked down to re-start cutting through another golden root, one that hadn't been bled on, or spat on, or dropped, or squished, or otherwise rendered unusable. After a moment she sealed a piece of it in a jar of preservative and looked up at Norm. "You know though, Pandora is no place for a child."

Norm nodded. "Yes. I know." His hopeful visions had officially dissolved. Now all he saw was wild animals and corrupt colonels and a seriously flawed schooling system. He saw fear, and danger, and Trudy, her face scrunched up in pain, and himself, completely helpless to do anything to save her life, or the life that had yet to begin.

-

**DAY 77; 16:36**

Trudy sat in the too hot break room, the fan next to her blowing her hair into her face. She leaned back against the plastic green couch and closed her eyes.

The pilot's "recreational room" had seen better days. The air conditioning sucked, the TV looked like something out of a history book, and the radio was tuned in to ninety-nine point static at all times. But it made up for its shortcomings rather well, with an almost holy foosball table in near perfect condition, and a rather well stocked refrigerator. The place was never empty, but never overflowing either, and was fairly mellow and low key. A good place to just sit and let your brain go numb.

Trudy sighed. Easier said than done.

Inevitably, her thoughts turned again and again back to Norm and their little…predicament. Immediately she'd start blaming herself for being moron and taking unnecessary risks, telling herself it was all her fault. Of course, then she'd feel terrible, because if she thought about this whole thing as an accident her kid was gonna grow up feeling like a mistake. Then she'd usually groan to herself, thinking about "her kid", and she'd wonder whether it'd have her eyes, or Norm's nose, and whether it'd be a science geek or a pilot, or something completely different, because who was she to tell mini-Norm what to do with his life, and then she felt ridiculous, calling the thing mini-Norm, but she didn't have a name because, for heaven's sake, she was only like a week or two pregnant, it wasn't even showing and wouldn't for a while, but still, she'd have to name it at some point, or it'd wind up being known as "it", or "baby", or "hey you", but if they gave it a name as ugly as Norm or Trudy, the other kids would make fun of it, and heads would roll, and she hoped it had a lot of friends, despite there not being very many children on Pandora, and she half wondered if she ought to rotate home, and let it grow up on Earth, where at least there were elementary schools not full of blue kids, but Pandora was so much more beautiful, and things were green and alive here, and she had made a life commitment, and maybe Norm had too now that his kid might be growing up here, and that really wasn't fair, and she was such an idiot.

Not the most pleasant train of thought.

Still. She had a lot to think about, and just didn't know where to begin. There were a thousand worries running around in her mind, colliding into one another and giving her a headache. She'd been sitting here for a while now, desperate for Aspirin or something stronger, but not sure if she ought to take it. She felt the couch shift and opened her eyes. "Hey Amanda."

Amanda was perched on the arm of the couch, feet resting on the cushion next to Trudy, and nodded. "You look like crap," she said bluntly.

"Thanks."

"Long night?"

"Something like that."

Amanda held out an inviting bottle, covered in cool drops of liquid that dripped down the glass and onto the plastic couch. Trudy almost reached for it, but shook her head. "Nah, I can't."

"You _can't_?"

Trudy's stomach lurched. _Shit_. Well, that was one way to announce a pregnancy…not the way she would have chosen. Actually, if she had chosen anything she wouldn't be worrying about stupid things like baby names and alcohol at all. Trudy licked her lips and looked up at Amanda with wide eyes. "Uh, I might be flying back to the mountains tonight," she lied quickly. "Don't want that stuff in my system when I do, you know?"

"Oh, right. Because you wouldn't want to get pulled over for flying under the influence." Amanda rolled her eyes. She twisted the cap off the bottle and tossed it back herself. "More for me, then," she replied. Trudy forced a laugh. Crisis averted.

Amanda stood to challenge the current champion to a foosball game. Trudy swung her legs onto the couch and laid down on in, using her arm as a pillow. She closed her eyes.

She'd had a baby, once. It was a robot, and for a school assignment she had to take care of it for a month. The thing hadn't stopped crying, no matter what she did, and after about a day and a half she'd finally taken a screw driver to it, and taken out its batteries. It had sat in the back of her closet for the remainder of the month, gathering dust, until she'd wiped it out and put the batteries back in on the last day. The report had been total BS, and she had gotten an A on the assignment.

She had the feeling real life might be a little different.

-

**DAY 80; 07:14 **

Norm didn't see Trudy for three days. When he finally did see her again, she only stayed long enough to drop off supplies from RDA headquarters, and tell him she had gotten her period. She nodded at Grace, threw a smile at Jake, and was gone before he could even process exactly what she had said.

He wasn't going to be a father. It was a relief, of course. It was the wrong time, the wrong place, maybe even the wrong woman.

But somehow, the news was bittersweet. He stared into the darkness that night, unable to sleep, remembering the family he'd left behind and the family he'd never have.

His last few weeks on Pandora he had been king of the world. He'd had the Na'vi, he had Grace as a mentor, he had Trudy – everything he had ever hoped for and more. He'd been having the time of his life. He was on top of it all – everything he most wanted fell right into his lap.

But he'd forgotten that, at the end of the day, the old saying rings true: It's lonely at the top.

-

**Wow, I just reread this chapter, and I forgot how weird it was…**

**Anyway, brief story behind the earthquake scene: I typed "random situation generator" in to google, clicked on the first link, and up popped "EARTHQUAKE!" So I shrugged and said, "Yeah, we'll see how that works out." **

**Did my pathetic plotting strategy work? Should I never do something like that again? What do we think of crazy ol' Quaritch (got the story from Wikipedia, so we can't be sure it's very reliable…but I like it)? And, of course, what the heck is the deal with the whole baby thing?!?!? **

**Enter the gripping philosophical debate. Click the little green button. **

**(And for the record: I thought about taking the pregnancy scare out. It felt kind of Ender's Game meets Juno. But I left it in, because I think it says a lot about the characters. Norm sees the whole thing as what could potentially keep them together; Trudy sees it as what's going to tear them apart.) **


	6. Cross My Heart and Hope to Die

**(Okay, there were couple issues uploading this the first time - let's see how it does now.)**

**I'm sorry! This is an entire twelve hours late. Why? Math tests and the apocalypse. I had a ton of studying to do, and then, of course, I had to watch my one hour of TV a week: the fabulous Eric Kripke's "Supernatural". Wow. Dibs on Cas, for those of you who care. Anyway, the chapter's up now, so no hard feelings? **

**This was actually one of my favorite chapters to write. I like exploring what people might way when they don't think anyone is listening…and a good shouting match is always a delight to compose. **

-

**DAY 86; 21:00 **

Norm readjusted the camera so his face was centered. He glanced again at the sleeping faces of Grace and Jake (both currently in their avatars) on the screen, then turned and hit the power button.

"Doctor Norm Spellman here," he said. "Grace and Jake are both driving their avatars, but Grace wanted us to log every single day, so…" he trailed off and cleared his throat, glancing down at his notes. "The new plant we've been studying, _patz'un_, has turned out to be a bit more dangerous than we realized. Grace's avatar was almost killed the other day, only Mo'at's antidote saved her at the last minute. Grace has put off studying it further until the ingredients for more of the antidote have been properly dried and mixed, so we've been focusing more on the signal transduction of the tree roots. It seems as though the trees are able to send electro-chemical pulses out to surrounding roots, and through this they are…" Norm trailed off again. He sighed, looking down on his notes. "Science," he muttered to himself. "It's so…uncomplicated." He looked up at the camera.

"Truth is, I feel like I know less than when I came here. It's not the forest that's confusing me, it's the people I'm with. Everything's different now. Everything's backwards. The science comes easily, and everything else is mysterious and impossible.

"I know that we're here to study. We're here to learn. But I've gotten so…caught up in this pseudo dysfunctional family I'm a part of that it's hard. But I figure we're supposed to log everything – how we feel, how we live. Not just the science. So here it goes.

"By now you know Grace. Hardcore scientist shell, mama bear at heart. And you'll know Jake too – marine turned ambassador. But there's another one of us. You might not really know who she is, she doesn't vlog the way we do, but maybe she's been mentioned. Her name is Trudy Chacon.

"She's really something, you know. Our pilot, for one thing. Half the time you're not sure whether she's going to save your ass or kick it. She's intimidating, but after you get to know her…well, she's still intimidating. But she loves Pandora. She loves nature, despite being a mechanic. It's interesting. She's a really multi-faceted person, she knows everything there is to know about her Samson, but she feels everything there is to feel about nature, and people. She's beautiful, too, in every meaning of the word."

Norm was quiet for a long time then, staring out the window. After several minutes, he finally turned back to the monitor.

"But lately Trudy's…different. She won't look me in the eye anymore. I don't know if she's scared, or embarrassed, or angry. I don't know if she was hoping that maybe we had a chance, like I did. Maybe the whole pregnancy scare thing made her really realize Pandora's no place for a relationship, for a family. I don't know. I came here expecting to lose myself in the forest. I lost myself in something else.

Norm paused, then opened his mouth to continue, worried if he stopped now he would never start again.

"I feel different. I _am _different. It's not that I don't care about my work anymore, because I do. I'd be a mess if I ever had to stop. But…it's like a shift in gravity. At the end of the day I'm not looking forward to seeing another test tube, or doing another video log, or typing up another lab report. I just want…" Norm closed his eyes. "I want her."

They say that saying things out loud has no impact on reality. After all, people lie. Sometimes life lies right back. But for Norm Spellman, hearing the words come out of his own mouth changed things. It was evaporated hydrochloric acid meets ammonia gas – suddenly things solidified. What was once transparent becomes visible. What was once half imagined becomes real.

"I don't know when it happened," he continued. "But…this is one my analytical, geeky self can't talk me out of. I've tried to reason it's ridiculous, insane, stupid, unobtainable. But then she looks at me, and I feel…I feel like I've just discovered a new specimen. There's all the excitement of finding a new world of possibilities, and it's in every single look, touch, word. Talk about sensory overload." Norm's words were stumbling over themselves in their hurry to escape from behind his chapped lips. "I mean, she's _terrifying_. But she's a take your breath away kind of terrifying. Trudy's like Pandora – she's this beautiful, disastrous new world." Norm smiled.

"I can't…I can't describe what I'm even talking about. I don't _know_ what I'm talking about, for once. It doesn't make sense, and it can't make sense, but…that's why I'm a scientist. I fall in love with the quest to understand what cannot be understood. And let me tell you, Trudy Chacon is definitely hard to understand.

"That's why I love her."

Pause.

"Yeah, that sounds about right. It's simpler when I say it like that." He sighed. "Wrong damn time to say it, though."

Norm was quiet as he reached to turn off the monitor. He replayed his most recent entry, and then hit the delete button. It almost scared him how quickly his empty eyes seemed to suddenly glow, to catch fire as he watched them on the screen in front of him.

The video vanished into some dark hole of cyberspace, and Norm hit the record button once more.

"Dr. Norm Spellman here. The plant we've recently been studying, _patz'un_, has proved more dangerous than we previously imagined it…"

-

**DAY 87; 22:06**

Norm was fuming.

Jake had just gotten out of his pod, full of fantastical stories of his most recent flight. "It's the most amazing thing in the world," he said between bites of food. "I've never felt so alive. It's the most incredible thing I've ever done. His name is _Taronyu,_ it means-"

"Hunter," finished Norm. "Yeah, I know what it means. I studied the language for years, in case you don't remember." He stood, and stalked out of the room.

Jake watched him grow, shrugged, and turned back to Grace. "What's his deal?"

"Doesn't matter," Grace replied, finally looking up from her notes. "Besides, he can't go far. Now keep talking. This is valuable information."

Jake nodded. "Alright. Well, there's this section of Hometree, where a lot of the ikran nest, and when–"

Trudy stood and left, Jake chattering animatedly in the background. She walked into the other room, where Norm was sitting at a computer, typing almost violently into a database, entering genetic codes at the speed of light. He didn't turn around when she came in, so she stomped over and spun the chair around herself.

"Hey-" he started to protest, but stopped when he saw her face.

Trudy crossed her arms over her chest. "What the hell is your problem?" she demanded.

Norm's mouth opened and closed a few times before he finally stood and answered. "My problem? My problem is _him_! He shows up here, hardly knowing a thing about Pandora, and suddenly he's king of the jungle. It's not fair. I didn't come here to do dishes while he's on interspecies booty call."

"No, you know what's _not fair_, Spellman?" Trudy countered. "You. You see what Jake's doing, and all you can do is bitch about your depressing life. Wah wah wah, poor me, the Na'vi chose the army brat over my intellectual superiority – _big flippin deal_."

Norm stood now, eyes flaring. "You don't know what I've-"

"Save it for someone who cares," Trudy interrupted. "Do you know _why_ the Omati-whatever chose Jake over you? Because of _this_." She jabbed him in the chest. "Jake's got heart, Spellman. He's got zeal, he's got passion you science types usually can't even dream of. He loves Pandora, and he's working his ass off, so-"

"_Don't_ lecture _me_ on love, Trudy." Norm glowered. "And don't give me a "hard work will help you achieve all your dreams" speech either. You don't know a thing about either. I've loved. I've worked hard. Sometimes it's paid off, and sometimes it gets you jack squat. And I'm sick of it. I just want a little recognition: a little acknowledgement when I've put my heart and soul into something."

Trudy's stomach flipped. She had the feeling they weren't arguing about Jake anymore.

"Look," she said icily, not meeting his eyes, "I don't know what-"

"Hey!" Grace walked in. "Break it up." She pulled Trudy back by the elbow and stepped between them. She turned to Norm. "_You_," she ordered, "stop whining, because you've actually got a really good thing going here. You're a great scientist, Norm, I don't want to have to cut you loose because you can't play nice with the other kids."

Norm sat back down. "Yes, ma'am."

Grace rounded on Trudy. "And _you_," she continued, "get your ass back to headquarters. Now. Find something we're running low on and bring it back when you've cooled off a bit."

Trudy yanked her arm out of Grace's grasp and stomped out of the base, ignoring Jake's quiet "thanks" or Grace's sighs.

-

**DAY 87; 23:27 **

_Dear Izzy,_

_Well, things pretty much went just like I expected them to. I don't even really know what happened, but it happened. And now, I'm back to where I always am. _

_He's such an ignorant moron. He's not like the trigger happy types back at HG – he's worse. He's smart, sure, but he's blind. He can't wrap his mind around the concept that maybe there's more than just knowing shit, maybe life is about _being _someone, and actually living, not mindlessly recording details and trying to work things out mathematically. I mean, he so carefully calculates things like plant reactions to light, and he can't frickin move his head up just a bit and watch the sunset right in front of him. I swear, sissy, one day's he's going to be swallowed whole by a banshee, because he's too busy trying to count it's teeth. Big picture? What big picture? He's too concerned with reading thermometers and charting minute details to see what's been spelled out two feet in front of him. _

Trudy stopped typing for a moment and leaned back in her chair with a huff. She crossed her arms, glaring at the computer screen. She reread her last paragraph, and sighed. Rolling her eyes, she reached forward again to write more, but this time she typed slower. Words no longer raged blindly from the tips of her fingers. This time she actually thought about what she was saying.

_You know, just the other day, back at base, Michael came up to me. Told me he was cool with the whole "Norm" situation. Said he was an alright guy. It's nice he's finally stopped hounding me about that stupid "remember who you are" stuff, but… Anyway, I didn't have the heart to tell him what I wanted to say, because I know he and Amanda have been genuinely worried about me for the last while, and they think it's their fault I've been such a bitch lately. So I said thanks. _

_Sissy, what he said was great. And a couple weeks ago, it really would have meant so much to me. To us. But today, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all. _

_I should've known I was being a moron. I got myself into this shit, and now I have to get myself out. But it's not fair. _

_Of course, life's not fair. But still. _

_I keep walking away for him, so it's my own fault. I'm tired of caring about someone. I don't wanna get hurt anymore. So I'm going to stop hoping, and I'm going to move on. _

_But sissy, when I turn my back, I'm walking slowly. Real slowly. So if by any chance he wants to stop me, he can still catch up. _

_Ugh, I'm crazy, aren't I? I mean, what the hell am I doing?_

_If you were here, you'd tell me exactly what I need to hear. But you're not, are you, so I'm just gonna take a stab in the dark here, and try to be you. _

_You: Stop it, Trudy. _

_Me: Stop what? _

_You: You really care about him, Trudy. _

_Me: No I don't._

_You: Yes, Trudy, you do. _

_Me: Fine. We'll pretend you're right. Say I do. I care about Norm. _

_You: So what are you going to do about it? _

_Crap. Grace is calling me. Gotta go. We'll figure this out later. _

_All my love, _

_Trudy_

"We're sorry. Sending to izzyflower33 has failed. Select "okay" to retry."

"We're sorry. Sending to izzyflower33 has failed. Select "okay" to retry."

"We're sorry. Sending to izzyflower33 has failed. Select "okay" to retry."

Trudy slammed the computer shut.

-

**DAY 88; 13:56 **

"Hey." Trudy's voice was quiet, and gentle for what might have been the first time in her life.

Norm looked at her almost a moment too long before replying. "Hey."

"Do you mind if I, uh…" She gestured awkwardly towards the seat across from him.

"Oh, no, not at all," Norm lied. "Please."

Trudy tentatively walked across the room and sat down, uncharacteristically quiet and looking out of place. She picked up a piece of metal lying on the table, the forgotten puzzle piece for one of the instruments humming in the lab, and began twirling it in her fingers. "I was the fastest girl at West Abbey High School," she said suddenly.

Norm raised his eyebrows, surprised and uncertain of what he was supposed to say. "Oh," he finally replied. "That's nice." _Moron_ he chided himself mentally.

"Yeah. I'm still a good runner. Mostly now it's on treadmills and through aircraft hangers, but I still like it."

"Oh." Again with the oh – what was the matter with him? He'd taken political science and rhetoric classes as part of his training to interact with the Na'vi. Why didn't any of the theories he was taught seem to work in real life?

"But maybe I'm too good of a runner."

Norm finally looked up at her. She was staring intently at the little gear, but he had the feeling she hardly knew it was there.

"I ran away from home when I was sixteen. I lasted six weeks on my own before I turned around and came crawling back. I ran away from school, from military camp. Colonel was on my case for weeks after that one. I ran away from_ Earth_, Norm. How messed up is that?" Norm didn't reply. Trudy sighed.

"But I was thinking," she continued. "That maybe, just maybe, I should try to kick the habit. I mean, what good am I to myself – much less anyone else – if all I do is run? I mean, it's just…" She sighed, and looked up at him, meeting his green eyes for the first time in weeks. "I don't want to run away from the one really, really good thing I have here, you know?" She swallowed, ran her tongue over her lips. "I don't want to run away from you."

Norm was silent for a while, and after an eternity or two, Trudy's face fell, and she looked away. "Sorry," she said, her tough-girl voice back to normal. "It was a stupid thought, that's all."

"I don't think it's stupid."

Her head jerked back up as he finally spoke. The expression on his face as he looked at her sent a chill down her spine. Norm stood slowly, walked around the table, reaching for Trudy's hand. She let him pull her up, her eyes searching his face. "I'm not as brave as you think I am," she admitted quietly. "I'm terrified of…I thought…you were angry, or unhappy, or…I thought it was time to pull my head out of the clouds. Why hope for the impossible if it's obviously the only thing you can't have?"

Norm nodded. "See," he said, "the thing about science is that it makes you realize that nothing is impossible."

She grinned. "I kinda like that."

Norm allowed a smile to spread across her face, mirroring her own. "Yeah," he said. "Me too."

Relief flooded through Trudy's body. She felt as though a weight had literally been lifted from her shoulders. She felt like she could breathe again, see again. It was almost frightening, realizing how much Norm had come to mean to her. And at the same time, it was exhilarating. It was something she'd never felt before, and everything was terrifying and new and beautiful. "So what now, we kiss and make up?" she asked, an almost mischievous glint in her eyes.

"I kinda like that," Norm echoed.

She laughed, her first real laugh in ages, her head thrown back, her whole body shaking. "Yeah," she replied. "Me too." And the next moment she had flung her arms around his neck, and was kissing him, and beaming, and giggling like a school girl.

It was immature, really, but she didn't care. It was as though the dark cloud hanging over her head was suddenly gone. She hadn't liked not talking to Norm. She hadn't liked feeling so alone, so empty – an hourglass without the sand. After all, for her arguing had always been hard. It took time and energy that she usually didn't have to hold a grudge. And it was just so _hard_ to hate someone.

And although the thought felt unnecessarily dark and out of place, she couldn't help but let it echo in her mind: _it's so much easier to hate yourself._

-

**DAY 89; 21:07**

_Truds- _

_I know. We really need to talk. Get back here ASAP. _

_-Mandy_

Trudy had received the e-mail early that morning. And for some reason, it'd been weighing on her mind all day. What was so urgent they needed to talk and still so secret they couldn't discuss it over video conference, or write it out, or just pick up the radio, for heaven's sake?

"Hey, Ace?" asked Norm. "You alright?"

Trudy had been sitting on the couch, arms holding her knees to her chest, staring vacantly out the window. "What?" she asked, jumping slightly at the sound of his voice.

"You seem kind of out of it," said Norm.

"Oh. Uh, I'm fine," she offered him a hollow smile.

Norm frowned. "Really?"

"Yes, slick, God's honest truth. I'm just tired, that all."

"Well now I can't believe you."

Trudy raised her eyebrows. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Norm shrugged. "You know how sometimes you come over to me, sit down, take my hands, look me seriously in the eye, and say, "Listen up, cause I'm gonna tell the truth here, Norm"?"

Trudy nodded slowly. "Yeeeesss…"

"Well, you always say that right before you tell me a flat out lie."

"I do not."

"Yes, actually, you do."

"Liar," she said, but she smiled. "Alright, maybe not. But I'm fine, Norm."

"You're sure?"

"Yes. Everything's just fine." She stood. "Look at the time. I'll have to book it back to base if I want to make it back before dark." She blew Norm a kiss as she left. "See ya around, kid."

And maybe it was Norm's imagination, but it seemed like she couldn't get out of the door fast enough.

-

**DAY 90; 09:00**

"Chacon!" Trudy turned at the unexpected sound of her name, to see Corporal Dave Walker strutting towards her. She groaned, but nonetheless straightened.

"Yes, sir?" she asked, trying to keep the sarcasm to a minimum.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Back to base 26 in the Hallelujah Mountains to drop off supplies, sir." _Back to the same place I've been going almost every other day for the past three months, you dumb prick, sir._

Walker nodded. "And when will you be back?"

"Three days, sir." _Hopefully never, sir._

He shook his head. "Not anymore."

"Sir?" _Corporal moron?_

"The Colonel has requested all pilots be available to him and ready to go should he give the word at noon tomorrow."

"I'm sorry, what?" It took everything she had not to roll her eyes at Walker's disapproving look. "I'm sorry, what, _sir_?" she repeated.

"You heard me. 12:00 hours on the dot, Chacon, don't be late." He turned to strut away, his nose in the air. Trudy flipped him off as he did so, wishing she could do it to his face. She turned to look at Michael, the pilot of the Samson beside hers.

"What's all that about?"

He half shrugged as he readjusted the machine gun he was attaching to his Samson. "I'm not entirely sure. I only heard today – you haven't?" He fiddled with the gun a little more until it clicked into place, and he looked up at Trudy with a smile on his face. "But word is that we're hitting Treehouse, or whatever it's called."

"Hometree?"

"Yes, that's the one."

Trudy's stomach flipped. The blood drained from her face and she had to force herself to smile, to say something along the lines of "about time", to return to the task immediately in front of her.

So. It was final. The Colonel, despite any empty promises he had made to Jake and Grace, was going to go through with his plans to drive the Na'vi out. In her gut Trudy had always known it would happen. That was just how life worked. People who have what you want become your enemy. When you have guns and they don't, soon they become your dead enemy.

Since day one Trudy had been careful not to get too mixed up in the ethical debates surrounding every move the RDA made. The way she saw it, they were only paying her to follow orders – to shoot things and fly – and she wasn't doing anything else for free. Besides, in the jungle it was easy to think one thing and say another. It was a matter of location. In the Hallelujah Mountains, she _hated_ the idea that corporate tycoons like Selfridge were madly gobbling up the beautiful land for the 20 million a kilo that lay below the surface. Back at RDA headquarters, she hated the idea of being dead a little more.

She finished loading gear and turned to trudge back towards her room. For some reason the idea of being back here at noon tomorrow made her feel sick.

-

**DAY 90; 12:24**

Trudy started as something rapped on her door. She blinked a few times, dazed, until she remembered where she was. She rubbed her temples and rolled out of bed, walking to open the door. "Oh," she said groggily. "Michael."

The pilot didn't return her half smile, and instead walked right past her, all business. "And Amanda," Trudy noted as the blonde woman walked in after him. Mandy nodded briefly at Trudy, and walked right to her computer. "What is this, and intervention? I swear, I'm not – hey! What're you – Mandy! Quit it, that's mine, don't-"

Too late.

In a few clicks of a mouse, Amanda was logged into Trudy's e-mail account, and had pulled up a message. She cleared her throat, and began reading out loud.

"_Dear Izzy, _

_I'm scared. I've known from day one that Quaritch wasn't going to follow through on his promise to wait until he can convince the natives to move to plow down Hometree. And since it was inevitable, I accepted it. But Norm, Grace, Jake…watching them makes me wonder. They love this planet so much, and they're human. What must it mean to the people who actually live here? It's not right that a few pieces of green paper are enough of a reason to justify destroying someone's home. I'm not here to kill people, sissy, that's not what I signed up for. _

_The order is coming soon, I can feel it. I don't want to, but it's been hanging over us for days now, and sooner rather than later it's going to come crashing down. _

_I can't do what they're going to ask me to do. I can't be who they want me to be. And it's not that Jake has changed me, or that Grace has altered my outlook on life, or even that Norm's made me into this new, unrecognizable person. It's that I've changed myself. Sure, they helped, but at the end of the day, I'm different, because I've finally figured out who I am. And I'm not a Nazi. _

_I'm a fighter, sissy, but I don't fight to kill. I fight to protect the people who cannot protect themselves. _

_So when the order comes down that some white collar tool expects me to blow an entire civilization to smithereens, I think I know what I'm going to do. I wish you could be here to see it. _

_All my love, _

Trudy." Amanda looked up as she read the last word. The room felt frozen. For a moment they were suspended, the silence ringing almost eerily in their ears, each careful not to look at the other two. Michael cleared his throat.

"Well?"

"How did you get that?" asked Trudy quietly.

"You use the same password for everything, Truds," Amanda said quickly, her voice a little louder than it had to be. "You were asking for it."

"You had no right-"

"We have every right!" Amanda exclaimed. "Do you remember how long you've been here? How hard you – how hard _we_ worked for this? And now you're throwing it all away. Is that really how it goes? You bang some tree hugger, camp out in the mountains, and suddenly you're humanitarian of the year?"

"Calm down, Mandy," said Michael in an even voice. His face was emotionless: unreadable. He looked over Trudy slowly. "She isn't right, is she?"

"Of course not! What would she be right about? I know what I am, Mikey, I just had a bad day with Quaritch breathing down my neck, and I-"

"Don't lie to me," he interrupted calmly. "Trudy, it's more than a day. You've got hundreds of these e-mails lying around, from your first day here. And even before…even before you got set up with Norm, and Grace, and Jake, you were skeptical, weren't you?" He laughed suddenly, the sound short and barking. "That's from a week ago," he said sharply. "You know, just a little more than a week ago, I came up to you and told you I was cool with the whole Norm thing? Dumb ass thing to do. You really know how to take an idea and run with it, Truds."

"How much have you read?" Trudy asked, glowering.

"Just a few, here and there. This is the only one that really stuck out to us, though, wasn't it Mandy?" Amanda nodded, jaw clenched. "Trudy," Michael said seriously, "You can't do this."

"Do what, write a letter to my sister?"

"You're sister's _dead_," Amanda suddenly burst. "Okay? D-E-A-D. And she's not going to swoop down and save you. You've got to stop asking her for help when she isn't here. You've got to work with what you've got, Truds, and that's _us_. Don't you get it?"

Trudy's knuckles were white from balling her hands into tight fists. She opened her mouth, fire blazing in her eyes, but Michael spoke again before she could even say a word.

"We're only here because we care about you, kid," he explained hastily, and sincerely.

"Don't lie to me, Mikey. I know you better than that."

"You'd like to think so," he retorted. Trudy glared at him, and he sighed, face falling. He reached forward to take her by the wrist. "Look, Truds-"

"Don't touch me!" she snapped as she yanked her arm away. "Don't you come near me, you lying son of a-"

"Shut up!" Michael suddenly shouted. "Just shut up for a minute and let me get a damn word out, alright?" His voice broke, and it was that – his voice, not his words – that ultimately made Trudy shut her mouth, and instead wait for him to say what he needed to say. Michael nodded to nobody in particular. "You should sit down," he continued, even though it was he who sat down on the edge of Trudy's bed. He was quiet for a moment, before he looked up at her.

"Mandy and I have been doing this a hell of a long time, Truds," he began. "I don't mean that you're under qualified, not in the slightest, but we've been playing the game longer than you have. Our advice might actually be worth something.

"We know how you feel. You won't believe us, but we do. We've both felt the same things. The desire to be a force for good in the universe. To convince ourselves that maybe we were something better than a herd of barbarians mindlessly flopping around in the mud. But Trudy…we're not. We're pilots. We're little people in a universe that's growing bigger as we speak; a universe that's been spiraling further and further out of our control since day one. And if you don't get that, there's a very real chance that something could happen that…that none of us want to happen."

"And what would that be?" Trudy asked icily.

"Quaritch could put a bullet in your head," he said bluntly. "Alright? There. I said it. The man is crazy, Truds. We all know he should be stopped. And we all know he can't. So we've got to work with what we've got, and make do with the next best thing – staying _alive_. He's not just going to ground you, lock you up, send you back to Earth. He's going to make sure you can't cause him anymore trouble than you already have. And that is exactly why you're going to let go of this hippie do-gooder mindset, and instead you're going to make sure your plane is ready to take off tomorrow, twelve hundred hours, no questions asked."

Trudy was quiet as she listened, staring at the floor in front of her. She folded her arms, a vacant expression still on her face. "Did he send you?" she asked quietly. Her voice shook, but it was not out of fear.

Michael shook his head. "No. We found the e-mail ourselves. We sent ourselves."

Trudy nodded. "Alright then. Okay. It's…okay." She walked to the door, and slowly pulled it open. "And now it's time for you to go."

Amanda couldn't get out of the room fast enough. She hurried by, casting a long look at Trudy and muttering an incomprehensible "goodbye". Michael was not so hasty. He paused at the doorway, and turned, even though Trudy would not meet his eyes.

"We're all you've got, Trudy," he said slowly, quietly. "And we don't want you to die."

The door slammed shut behind him.

-

**DAY 90; 22:54**

Trudy shivered and pulled the thin blanket more tightly around her. It was her fault for forgetting Grace had asked her to bring more blankets on her latest supplies run, but still, self-loathing didn't make her any warmer.

Her teeth chattered as she curled up into the fetal position, counting down the seconds till morning. Damn this freezing base and the Hallelujah Mountains that provided spectacular views and no warmth come nightfall. It was always rather chilly at night, but this was ridiculous. With the rainy season approaching, everything had been particularly wet and cold lately. It was awful.

"Are you alright up there?"

Norm's voice was soft but clear in the darkness. Trudy cursed herself for waking him up – her shivering had probably shaken the bed so much, it was amazing he hadn't dived beneath it, shouting something about another earthquake. "I'm f-fine," she replied lamely.

"Do you want my blanket?"

"N-no, you should keep it. I'm-m-m tougher than you, anyhow." The evidence otherwise was ridiculously overwhelming.

"That's debatable."

"I just don't want you to freeze, that's all," she insisted.

Norm was silent for a moment before replying. "Well, do you want to come down here?"

Trudy froze (figuratively, not literally, this time). "Do you want to?" and "Do you think it would be a good idea?" are very different questions. In her head she calculated how much she didn't want to ruin their already precarious relationship, and how the awkwardness factor played in with this post-make-up part of their lives. However, in the end, her bunk's arctic temperatures (and maybe the desire to be close to Norm again after so long) had her nodding gratefully. "Yeah," she said. "Look out below."

She swung over the edge of the bed gracefully and almost cat-like, landing softly on her back on the small bunk below her.

Norm jumped slightly. "You _are _freezing," he said, biting his lip and trying not to recoil as her fingers brushed against the bare skin of his arm.

"What tipped you off?"

Norm smiled, and hesitantly reached to pull her closer, telling himself it was only because he was worried she would otherwise catch hypothermia. Trudy sighed as her icy body pressed against his warm one. For a moment, they lay in comfortable silence.

Norm hadn't expected Trudy to be particularly "cuddly" that night, and was surprised when she suddenly turned over and wrapped one arm around him, lying her head on his shoulder and holding onto him tightly. He looked down at her and kissed her hair gently before rolling a little to face her. He wrapped his free arm around her in return and laid his chin on the top of her head. He closed his eyes. This felt a little better.

It took him a moment to realize she was crying.

Concerned, he moved his hand to cup her chin, and tilt her head back so she was looking at him. "What's wrong?" he asked, searching her face for the answer when she didn't immediately reply. "Are you okay? Did I do something? Are-"

"Shhh," she murmured, putting a finger on his lips. "You'll wake up Jake."

"That boy sleeps like a rock."

"Grace, then."

Norm stopped talking, and then kissed the finger Trudy had placed on his mouth. She pulled her hand away then, slowly, and placed it on his heart.

"We're going to die," she said after a moment.

"What?" asked Norm, shocked. "Why would you say-?"

"Because we are," she said, sitting up, refusing to look down at him. "If the Na'vi don't kill us, then Colonel Quaritch will." She sighed dejectedly, and hugged her knees to her chest. "This is going to end bloody," she finally said. "Quaritch wants all men – and women – back at base tomorrow at noon." For a moment, she was silent. When she began speaking again, her voice shook. "He's finally going to do it. He's going to bring down Hometree. He's not here for a stupid rock, he's here to kill. And he's not going to stop until everything – _everything_ – is dead."

"No," said Norm, sitting up beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "No no, not at all – Jake is so close, Ace. We're almost there. He's going to find a way to get us out of this. He'll find a way to save the Na'vi and satisfy the colonel, you'll see."

Trudy turned to look him in the eyes. There were tears running down her face. Norm reached out to touch her face, wiping the tears away with his thumb. "We're going to be okay," he told her. "Somehow, this is all going to be okay. I'm not going to let your Colonel kill thousands of people – Na'vi and human alike. Alright? This is going to be okay. We're going to be okay." He ran his tongue over his cracked lips, trying to think of what else he could possibly say. "I love you," he added softly.

Trudy forced a smile. "Promise?" she asked.

And even though he didn't know what she meant, he nodded.

"Promise."

-

It's funny, really. How it can take an entire lifetime to figure out that you don't want to die.

-

**DAY 91; 06:00**

Norm woke early, wondering what had caused him to do so. Groggily, he looked around, taking a moment to realize Trudy was gone. He sat up quickly, almost hitting his head on the bottom of the bunk above him. He slipped out of bed, dressing quietly, and walked into the other half of the base, where Trudy sat at the small table, cleaning a gun.

Norm sat opposite her quietly. "You're up early," he commented.

"It's a long ride back to Hell's Gate, and the weather sucks. There's a lot I've got a lot to do today."

"You're actually going?" his eyes were wide, his expression incredulous.

"I'm following very direct orders," she replied.

"But you said that Colonel Quaritch was going to-"

"And you said everything was going to be okay," she countered. "So relax."

Norm watched her finish getting ready with a distasteful expression on his face. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, looking as though he had something important to say but couldn't quite bring himself to say it.

When she finished she looked up at Norm. "I guess I'll see you around," she said bleakly.

"Wait," he said, as she began to stand. He reached for her wrist and she allowed him to pull her back down. "Just…wait."

"Yes?" she asked expectantly.

"You can't really do this."

"Do what?"

"You're going to kill-" he started, but he glanced into the other room where Jake and Grace were still asleep. He lowered his voice. "You're going to destroy Hometree."

"I'm just going to do my job."

"And your job is killing children?" his voice was more biting than he had intended it to be, but at the same time, he liked it. His sharp tone made a point. "Destroying homes? Leaving innocent people for dead?"

"Don't twist this," she said. "That's not my job. You and Jake and Grace get them out of there. That's what you're here for, isn't it? And I'll knock down just another tree in the forest, because that's what _I'm_ here for."

Norm's face fell. It hadn't ever crossed his mind that maybe Trudy wouldn't automatically agree with him. He shook his head slightly. "I don't know who you are anymore," he muttered. He leaned backwards, looking Trudy up and down, her face was hard, her hands clenched into fists, her expression empty. "This thing is bigger than just you or me, Ace," he said at last. "This is about the survival of an entire race. This is about doing the right thing when no one else will."

"Norm, I turn my back on my comrades, I lose everything," she said. "Do you understand that? I lose my Samson, my license, my rank – I'll lose my place on this planet. They'll send me back to Earth, and if there is anywhere I don't want to be, it's there."

Norm was nodding, a look of disgust on his face. "Your "comrades"," he replied. "Yeah. Sure. I get it."

Trudy sighed, closing her eyes and tilting her head back. "I didn't mean-"

"I don't care what you meant!" Norm suddenly shouted, standing. "I thought we were on the same team here. I thought wrong."

"You don't know what they can do to me!" Trudy shouted back, standing to tower over Norm despite being a good foot shorter than him. "You're safe, Norm – don't you get that? You're a _scientist_." She spat out the word like it was a curse. "You report to tree huggers with test tubes! What's the worst they can do – ban you from the bio lab? My superiors can have me _killed_, Norm. There's a lot more at stake here than my Samson. I disobey Colonel's direct orders, and I lose _everything._" Her eyes were angry and pleading, harsh and fearful.

Norm glared at her. "Then maybe you deserve to lose everything."

His voice was like a knife, sharp, stinging, cutting deep. Trudy stared, her expression more hurt than angry now. "Y-you don't mean that," she said.

"Don't I?" Norm spat. He turned and began to walk away.

"Norm Spellman, don't you turn your back on me!" Trudy suddenly shrieked. He kept walking. "Fine!" she shouted, not caring who she was waking up anymore. "See if I give a damn! Maybe you deserve to die with all your little forest friends! In fact, I hope you do! You're such an ignorant _bastard_, Norm." She spun on her heel. "Ugh, damn hippie, doesn't know a thing about the world he's trying to save." They turned their separate corners and vanished.

Norm collapsed on the nearest table. He closed his eyes and held his head in his hands for a moment, before looking up through the window. Trudy was storming outside, towards her Samson, angry tears burning down her face and fogging up her mask. She climbed in and took off without a look back.

Norm put his head back on the table. So much for believing they had made up. So much for believing in second chances. So much for believing in her.

Screw the impossible. It had no place butting into his life.

**Dun dun DUN! **

…**I'm sorry, that probably kind of took away from the ending. But I couldn't resist! Humor me. **

**Oh, and the chapter title ("Cross My Heart") refers to Norm's "Promise" somewhere in the middleishend of this chapter. **

**So. Thoughts, questions, requests, dumb blonde jokes, etc.? Click the little green button. **


	7. Heartbreak

**Well. This is it. No, that was not a Michael Jackson reference. I just meant that this was the second to last chapter, so we're really coming to the ending now, aren't we? **

**Wow. It's just…it's kind of a thriller, isn't it? **

-

**DAY 91; 14:00 **

Trudy's left thumb hovered above the button that would tear apart more than a big tree.

_Maybe you deserve to lose everything._

She took a deep breath. "Hurry up and shoot it already!" Lyle was yelling in the back. "Chacon! Pull the damn trigger!" She shook her head and blinked a few times, staring ahead into the green of the forest in an attempt to block out his voice, and focus on a different one altogether.

_This thing is bigger than just you or me, Ace. This is about the survival of an entire race. This is about doing the right thing when no one else will. _

"Screw this," Trudy muttered. She took her hand off the trigger, and began to turn the Samson around.

"What are you doing?" Lyle shouted. "Trudy, what the hell-"

"I didn't sign up for this shit!" she called back. "I'm here to be a pilot, not a Nazi."

"Turn around! Dammit, turn the ship around!"

Trudy sighed as Lyle continued to wail at her, then suddenly hit "autopilot" and unbuckled herself. "What are you-" The soldier began, but she was faster. She knocked his gun out of his hand and it clattered over the edge of the Samson and fell down into the dense jungle below them. Another few strategically placed kicks and punches, and he was on the floor, her boot resting square on his chest.

"Listen carefully, because I'm going to say this once," Trudy said slowly. Lyle stared with wide eyes. "You are not going to try to stop me," she said. "You are not going to report me to the Colonel for mutiny, and for the love of all that is holy, you are going to shut up. We are going to enjoy a peaceful ride back to HQ. Or," she continued, "you are going to get the hell off my ship!" Lyle gulped. Trudy smirked. "It's a long way down, ranger Rick."

The rest of the ride was very quiet.

When they landed, Trudy shot a final glare at Lyle. "Not a word," she said, confident he was enough of a coward to obey. He nodded and turned to jump out of the Samson, but paused.

"You know," he said, looking at her over his shoulder. "You're one crazy bitch. And Quaritch is going to swallow you whole."

"Then I hope he chokes on me. Now get off my ship!"

Lyle only paused long enough to flip her off before jumping out and running back indoors as fast as he could.

-

**DAY 91; 14:50**

Destruction. Chaos. Fire. Death.

Norm stared up at the screens in absolute horror. The fiery scene before him was more horrible than he could have imagined. "Turn it off," he said quietly, his throat dry. "T – turn it off." No one heard him.

It was so hideous he couldn't stand to look, and yet he couldn't bring himself to tear his gaze away. Hometree, once proud, once grand, once terrible and majestic, had fallen. It burned. The Na'vi were running. Women fled, some, in the midst of utter chaos and confusion, rushing right back into the flames. Children screamed, cried out for their mothers, or for Eywa. Grown warriors crumpled and simply sobbed, their tortured expressions enough to break your heart several times over. Many lay dead. The sky was black with smoke and ash fell like a macabre snowstorm, blanketing the death in even more decay.

And Trudy had helped do this, hadn't she?

Scientists are not known for being great romantics. They prefer to flirt with nature or reality than with other human beings. Norm had not thought he was different. He had liked Trudy, maybe even loved her, but this? How could he stand to even be near someone heartless enough to kill babies? To burn down an entire people's home? To destroy the forest that Norm and so many others – Jake, Grace, Max – had grown to love more than their own dying planet?

Of course, at the end of the day the heart cannot be reasoned into anything. It want what it wants, takes what it takes, gives what it gives. Breaks when it breaks. And as long as Norm Spellman's heart was beating, he was not going to be able to tell it what to do.

Yes, he hated Trudy. He hated what she had done. But he loved her more. He wondered how the two feelings could coexist. He'd never believed that "fine line between love and loathing" crap – he'd thought there was a Great Wall of China between the two. But maybe both points of view were wrong – maybe there was no line at all.

"Pull the plug."

Those three words brought Norm back to the real world.

In movies, everything slows down at moments like this. In reality, everything speeds up.

"No!" Norm found himself catapulting across the room, desperate to shield two tiny control panels from half a dozen highly trained soldiers. He was screaming, pushing them back, shouting and wildly, half blindly beating the air in front of him. "You can't do this!" he was shouting. "Stop! No! _Stop!_" He swung his fist again, this time it made contact. Something cracked and his knuckles were suddenly covered in blood, warm and sticky. A feeling of incredible guilt and glory washed over Norm.

"No!" he was still yelling. "Stop – don't do this! Don't-" He was silenced as a new soldier hit him square in the jaw, and again in the cheek. Dizzy, Norm, staggered back and they took this opportunity to grab his arms, drag him to the railing and cuff him to it. The soldier he had hit was clutching his nose, blood still spurting, and pounded his fist against the red button.

Grace and Jake were violently brought into the real world, kicking and screaming. "Murderers!" Grace was screeching. "Killers!" Jake was half dazed, too lost and broken to even speak. Norm shouted without knowing what he was shouting, until his hoarse voice couldn't take it anymore. He half collapsed on the floor, the burning planet on the screen still casting its hellish orange light into the room. Norm turned around slowly, just in time to see Selfridge turning his back on the chaos his three little words had created, walking with hunched shoulders back to his office to spin the tiny, million dollar rock that hovered above his desk.

Trudy, upon hearing the commotion, had run to the lab. The sight that awaited her there was terrible and spectacular. Utter chaos, that was what it was, and in the confusion whoever had the biggest gun seemed to come out on top. Damn military politics. On the screen flames licked the branches of Hometree, which lay collapsed, a wounded animal. What had once seemed impossible to take down now seemed shriveled, broken, even ugly. Trudy hated it.

A familiar voice caught her attention, and she scanned the crowd to see Norm shouting once more, pointing and accusing. He clearly wasn't going anywhere without a fight. It was stupid, really, obviously he wasn't going to win.

Or maybe it was brave?

_This is about doing the right thing when no one else will_.

Trudy stepped forward, poised to come out swinging, ready to help Norm, Grace, and Jake. But she stopped herself. She took a deep breath, weighing her options. No, not here, she decided. Not now.

She took one last look at Norm, wishing she could just have a moment of peace and damn quiet, a moment alone to explain to him what was happening. Ha, wouldn't that be nice? But this was real life. That wasn't going to happen. So she turned, and despite everything, she almost smiled at the fact that the real soldier down there was Norm – _her Norm._

At almost the same moment, as Norm glimpsed her turning her back on them, his thoughts were completely opposite.

_That was not his Trudy. _

-

**DAY 91; 20:00**

"Look, if we just just get out of here, we can get back to the base in the mountains, and you and Grace can-"

"Shut _up_, Spellman!" Jake, who had been sitting quietly with his head bowed suddenly turned to lash out at Norm. "Face it. Game over. We don't have anything left. We lost. We lost the Na'vi, Hometree, Neytiri – all of it. It's gone."

Norm's face fell. "I was only saying-"

"I don't give a damn what you were only saying." Jake wheeled his chair the corner of the tiny white cell, as far away from Norm as possible. Norm stared down at his feet.

"Hey," said Grace in a scratchy voice. Norm looked up. "He doesn't mean that, you know?"

Norm shook his head. "He's right though. What do we have left? Our own friends turned on us."

Grace frowned. "I don't know what you're smoking, but Selfridge and Quaritch have never been counted among my _friends_."

"I was talking…I was talking about Trudy." Norm looked at the floor again.

"Trudy?" A small smile formed on Grace's lips. "I wouldn't be so sure."

"She burned down Hometree."

"No, she didn't."

"But she-"

"She flew away, Norm. I saw it. There were lots of ships, but one left. It had a Tiger on the side. She couldn't do it. She turned around."

Norm looked up at her, eyes wide. "She…she did?"

"Moron." Grace rolled onto her back, staring at the empty white ceiling. "For someone who's supposed to know her so well, you don't know anything about her. Of course she left. Trudy's a lot of things, Norm, but a killer?"

"I guess not," Norm replied. He almost smiled.

He was starting to hope in earnest.

-

**DAY 90; 22:36**

_Dear Izzy,_

_Or should I start this dear Mikey and Amanda? _

Trudy stared at the too bright computer screen unblinkingly for a few minutes before reaching forward to erase it. She sighed, shoulders slumping. She couldn't take the chance that her letter would be found – not now, when so much was depending on her secrecy. She clicked the computer off and stood to pace her room.

After a few minutes of furiously walking the twelve steps to one wall and the twelve steps back, Trudy suddenly paused as she caught a glance of herself in the little mirror on the wall. She hesitated, and then took a few steps forward to examine her face more closely. Her hair was disheveled, her face dirty – but that wasn't what worried her. It was how _frantic_ she looked – like a wild animal suddenly caged – that frightened her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then turned around to walk back to her bed. She sat on the mattress, reaching for a pen and a journal she kept in her nightstand despite never writing in it. She thought for a moment, tapping the pen against her knee, and then began to write.

_Dear Izzy, _

_It's catching. The madness of Quaritch, of the people at Hell's Gate, is spreading. Mikey and Amanda – they're in too deep. Selfridge has been sucked right it. But I don't want to be next. _

_They roped me into going on their little pillaging and plundering venture. Off to kill thousands of innocents in the name of science and industry. I can't believe I went. I don't know how I'm going to make up for this one, sissy. _

_Although, if it helps, I didn't pull the trigger. I couldn't. _

_I'm going to find a way to stop this, sissy. I promise you. Jake, Grace, Norm – they're all going free. And then we're finally going to fight the real monsters on this planet. _

_And I'm scared. _

_Norm really tore me apart before I left this morning. And he was right to do it. He said the right thing to say. He's a good guy; he was just living up to it. But it hurt. And I'm afraid it's never going to stop hurting. _

_I'm crazy about the guy. Maybe more than I let on, believe it or not. But he's breaking my heart, and it's not fair. We're falling apart, and I hate it. _

_But what do I matter? I should stop my bitching and get on with what I've got to do. There's a lot more at stake here than my "heart". There's an entire people on the brink of destruction. There's the only real friends I've ever had. There's a war in the works, a gathering storm. There's the chance to do the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing. And there's a chance to try and save the man I've fallen in love with. _

_Wow, sissy. Bout time, isn't it? _

_Wish me luck. I'm going to need it. _

_All my love, _

_Trudy_

Trudy folded up the letter immediately and stuffed it into her back pocket. She didn't have time to read over it again, maybe cry a little, feel all nostalgic and sentimental. Instead she stood and left.

She walked with purpose down the hallway, a kind of spring almost in her step. She smiled to herself quietly, although it vanished when she passed the open door of the pilot's lounge. It was packed, and people were drinking, cheering, celebrating. She only caught a glimpse of Mikey, sitting proudly with a shot glass in his hand and Amanda on his lap. He tossed the alcohol back and grinned at the party, looking disgustingly _satisfied_.

Trudy picked up the pace, now almost jogging to her destination: the bio lab. She burst in, scanning the room quickly, looking for him. The smile returned when she realized he was the only person in the room. She walked quickly to the man in the white coat, sitting hunched over at his desk. When he turned around she saw his eyes were swollen and he was red in the face. He hurriedly tried to wipe away a tear as he stood. "Oh, Trudy. Hey kiddo. How are you?"

"I need your help," she said quickly.

He nodded. "Help with what?"

"We're going to start a revolution."

-

**DAY 91; 12:00 **

Trudy sat in an abandoned hallway, knees pulled up to her chest, a bottle of Scotch at her side. She stared into her shot glass. She didn't turn when she heard the footsteps behind her. Max tentatively sat down next to her. "Little early for a drink, isn't it?" he asked.

Trudy shrugged. "It's noon." She tossed back the amber liquid and made a face. "That..." She coughed. "That's strong stuff."

Max rolled his eyes. "Look," he said. "Are you okay?"

"Course I'm not okay. The world's going to hell, Norm hates my guts, and I'm probably not going to live into next week. But hey," she reached for the bottle. "Life is good."

"Trudy, don't-"

"Too late." She poured herself another glass, larger than the first. She hesitated, and handed it to Max. "You'll need this."

"I don't drink-"

"Sure you do."

"I don't drink before breaking people out of prison. I might need my brain for that."

Trudy laughed. "Babe, that's the time you need it the most. A little liquid courage here, an adrenaline rush there – at the end of the day, that's what's going to get the job done."

Max hesitated. "You'll be sober by tonight, right?"

"Course."

He raised his glass. "To revolution, then," he mused. Trudy lifted the bottle and clinked it against the shot glass, and then tipped the entire thing back, taking a long swig. She and Max cringed simultaneously.

"That…" Max coughed a few times. "That _is_ strong."

Trudy nodded, eyes watering. "Yep." She corked the bottle and shoved it away, leaning her head back against the wall. She shut her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Alcohol before lunch, rebelling against your own species, defying the wishes of your planet to save a race of blue people…we're really living the life, man. Viva la vida." She hummed a few off key bars of a song as Max stared at her.

"I think I'm going to need that," he said, reaching over her for the bottle, unstopping it, and taking another swallow.

-

**DAY 91; 19:00**

"Hey brother, long time no see. How's it been?"

Norm's ears pricked up at the sound of the familiar voice. He turned. Trudy had entered the room with a food cart, and was smiling at the guard.

"Same old, same old," the soldier replied. Trudy laughed. It was fake, hollow, and still the most welcome sound Norm had ever heard in his life.

"You know, personally I don't think these tree hugging traitors deserve steak."

"Steak? Let me see that."

The soldier leaned over to open the cart. Trudy glanced up at Norm, Jake, and Grace, then stood behind the man, pulling out her gun quietly. She didn't hesitate to press the barrel to his head. "Yeah, you know what that is. Down. All the way down." The soldier lowered himself to the floor and Trudy smacked the gun across his head. She looked up. "Max!"

Norm breathed a sigh of utter relief, even as his heart started beating faster. Max ran in, fumbling with his key to the cell. The door slid open and the three prisoners rushed out of their cell. "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes," Jake said with a half smile.

Norm's eyes met Trudy's. He opened his mouth to say something, but she had already turned away, and was leading them out the door and down the hallway to the hangar.

Norm couldn't remember a more exciting moment of his life. The thrill of a dangerous escape, the idea that there was still a chance he could help save the Na'vi, the sound of their feet and Jake's chair flying down the narrow hallways of Hell's Gate. He felt like he was finally starting to mean something. He was part of something bigger than himself, but he was also a part of something important. Something that was going to change the world.

-

**DAY 91; 20:54**

The cripple. The mentor. The scientist. The pilot. It didn't really matter what they were – today all four were warriors.

They stood in the cramped room they had lived in for the past three months, Norm and Trudy firing up two of the avatar interface pods. Jake expertly bandaged an increasingly disoriented Grace, who was seated on the edge of the last pod. "You're going to be okay," he told her.

"Iuhwannamsmks," she replied, in a daze.

"What?" Jake asked, taping the bandage down.

"Iwantmysmokes," she repeated, looking slightly annoyed when Jake didn't understand. "Get me a damn cigarette, marine," she snapped, finally coherent.

Jake hesitated. "Grace, I don't think that's such a great idea."

"Do I look like I care?" she asked, swinging her legs into the pod with a groan, and carefully lowering herself to a lying down position, her face scrunched up in pain. "It's my dying wish, Jake. Fulfill it."

Jake paused, then smiled slightly, turning to dig through the desk behind him for an all too familiar pack of Camels.

"There," said Trudy, typing in the last codes for the pod she was working on. She turned to face Norm. "You should be able to get in now."

"Uh, thanks," he replied, not looking at her. He took a step toward the pod, but paused, and turned around. "Look, Trudy, I-"

"If you're about to apologize I don't buy it. You meant what you said, and you still do, and you were right to say it," she interrupted, talking too fast. "And I wish I'd realized it earlier than I did. But I _did_ realize it, and I just…I couldn't." Trudy blinked. Her eyes were watering. Something seemed caught in the back of her throat. She coughed.

"I know," Norm replied gently. "Grace told me what you did. And…I'm not sorry, I guess," he said. "But I wish I hadn't been-"

"Such a jerk?"

He smiled. "Yeah, something like that." He glanced down at his pod. "Kay, I guess I should-" But Trudy had flung her arms around him and crashed her lips into his.

There's something inside of each human being. For the most part it is quiet. But in times of sorrow or joy, fear or victory, guilt or glory, it tends to remind us it's still there. It overpowers thoughts, words – both heard and spoken – and silly social misconceptions far too easily. It reminds us we are creatures of emotion, creatures of pain, creatures of beautiful complexities. It reminds us when we're terrified, and it reminds us when we love someone.

It's called a heart, and Trudy Chacon had one.

She didn't know why she was crying. It was the stupidest thing in the world. She never cried.

She didn't know why she was suddenly kissing Norm like he was going off to war either, but that one seemed a little less stupid. He wrapped his arms around her, and she felt safe.

Part of her wished she could stay here forever. She liked it here, this warm little place in a world that had gotten so dark and cold. But now was not the time for that. She pulled away, wiping her eyes quickly with the back of her hand, and nodded. "Alright," she said. "You avatar up, I'll be in my copter, and we'll get this show on the road." She didn't give Norm time to reply.

-

**DAY 92; 06:04 hours**

Trudy woke with a start.

Disoriented, it took her a moment to remember where she was. She sighed and sat up. She'd spent many nights in her cockpit. It never got any more comfortable than sleeping on a rock. She closed her eyes, trying to remember her dream, but only recalling brief flashes of fire. She shifted, tilting the seat up, and looked around. Something tall and blue was running towards her, out of the forest.

A moment later upon recognizing it was Norm, she had pulled on her mask and was out of the plane. "How's Grace?" she was asking before she could even be sure he was close enough to hear her. "What happened? Did it work? Is she alright?"

Norm stopped in front of her, hands on his knees, bent over and panting. When he had somewhat caught his breath, he looked up at her, opening his mouth but not managing to say anything. The grief in his eyes was enough of an answer.

And once again Trudy was crying. But this time she knew why.

There's a much deeper meaning to the phrase, "Grace is dead."

-

**DAY 93; 13:00**

"Sorry, I've got to go." Max hit the button on his camera and the screen went blank.

For a moment the three sat in silence – the calm before the storm. Trudy finally spoke first. "And here I was hoping for a tactical plan that didn't involve martyrdom," she said, and although she was smiling there was a hint of bitterness in her voice. She stood. "Well, better get going."

In a few minutes Jake was in his pod, eager to get back into his avatar. Norm paused before he entered his own. "You're gonna be okay?" he asked.

"This isn't goodbye, moron," said Trudy, staring at the buttons in front of her instead of Norm. "You'll see me in a minute. You're just…avatar-ing, or whatever. Now lie down so I can finish typing out these codes.

Norm sat on the edge of the pod, but paused. "Did you mean it?"

"What?"

"What you said about martyrdom. Do you actually think you're going to die?"

Trudy sighed. "I don't know, slick. Probably." She pushed him gently. "Lie down."

"You're not going to die," said Norm too quickly. "You aren't. I mean…you came back. You're sacrificing everything. That's got to count for something."

"What, I'm good and Eywa will provide?"

"Karma, Eywa, God – call it what you will. But something in this world has to protect its good people, right?" He sounded borderline hysterical.

Trudy offered him her usual lopsided smile. "I didn't expect the scientist to get all religious on me at the last minute," she said simply. "Down," she said a final time, and this time Norm complied. "Good luck," she offered, and kissed him quickly on the cheek. "See you in a second." She closed the lid, and Norm closed his eyes, wondering if he would ever look at her with his real eyes again.

Trudy typed in the right codes and waited. When she was sure Norm was completely under, she sighed, sitting down in the nearest chair, and pulling her knees against her chest. She took a deep breath. "You keep telling yourself that, kid," she said quietly, looking up at Norm's sleeping face on the monitor. "Universe could do with a few more believers." Then she stood, and walked down the hallway to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face. Everything was getting a bit surreal.

_These could be among my final steps. This might be the last time I open this door. This might be the last time I wash my hands. This might be the last time I remember the soap dispenser's broken. _Stupid, half dazed, self-pitying thoughts threw themselves around in her head.

_Oh, shut up. _

That was a bit more like it.

Trudy looked up at herself in the mirror. She was sweaty, dirty. She examined her face carefully. The hair framing it was plastered against her skin with water, and drops rolled down her chin and into the sink. She was different than a few years ago – different from just a few hours ago, even. She smiled. The expression seemed out of place.

"Trudy!"

Someone – probably Norm – was calling her name from outside. She stayed a moment longer, though, gripping the edges of the sink until her knuckles turned white. She looked herself in the eyes, and wondered if talking to herself made her crazy. Not caring, she opened her mouth anyway. "Well, this is it," she said. "We've had a good run of it, haven't we? I mean, sure, we were bitchy, heartless, and stupid, sometimes, but overall, it's been good, right? Or at least interesting?"

"TRUDY!" The call came again, louder.

Trudy straightened. "Gotta go," her reflection explained. "Fighting for freedom and all that, you know?" She grinned. "And I've got a date with Colonel Quaritch." She turned and sprinted out the door, unable to get out of it fast enough.

-

**DAY 93; 14:32**

"Hey, Jake?" asked Trudy quietly.

"Yes?"

"You know our chances suck."

"Uh-huh."

"I mean, we're going up against guns ships with bows and arrows."

Jake looked from his map, eyes blazing. "Your point is?"

Trudy nodded, and remembered why she liked the marine so much. "Right then." She felt stupid for even thinking they might back out of this. This was what she had committed to. This was what she was going to die for.

-

**DAY 93; 14:55**

"They are to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies," Neytiri was explaining. "And to let us show the world where our allegiances lie." The Na'vi princess had dipped her hands in a sort of paint, and was carefully applying colors to Jake's face. His eyes were closed as she drew complex lines across his blue skin. She stopped, and took a step backward, admiring her work. "It is good," she said with a small smile. She turned to face Norm. "And now you."

He was surprised. "M-me? I am not one of the Omaticaya-"

"Norm," she interrupted, rolling the "r" in his name. "You sacrifice all you had to fight with us. We will fight beside you, live beside you, and die beside you. You are our brother now. Close your eyes."

Norm stared for a moment, his gold eyes particularly wide. And then he smiled and closed them, and Neytiri rewarded him by painting the markings of a true Omaticaya warrior on his face.

When she was finished, she turned to face the final member of their party – Trudy. "And you," Neytiri said reverently, "you are our sister. My people and I will fly with you for the rest of our days."

Trudy smiled. "Thank you."

Neytiri knelt so the two were at eye level. "I do not think it wise to paint the markings on your mask," she said apologetically. "I do not want to blind you."

Trudy shook her head. "I don't need them. The world already knows where my allegiances lie." She grinned. "And I'm pretty good at striking fear into the hearts of my enemies."

Neytiri nodded. "Perhaps. But…" she trailed off, and looked at the Aerospatiale SA-2 Samson a little ways behind Trudy.

A few moments later, Trudy took a step back to admire newly painted Samson. The same complex lines that Neytiri had put on the faces of Jake and Norm now adorned the small aircraft, and Trudy liked it. Sure, it might have been nice to have painted her face, but who would see that? Now at least Quaritch would know who was shooting his ship down. All she had left to do was pull the trigger.

"This is for you," said Neytiri, handing Trudy the small pot of remaining paint. "You put on like this." She tapped her own face. "Around the eyes. And this," she handed Trudy something else, "is for the hair. You are daughter of Eywa. You are a daughter of Omaticaya."

Trudy examined her gift carefully. It was a sort of hair tie, designed to wrap around the forehead, a long feather dangling down at the side. She smiled at it. It was the kind of thing Grace would have worn – simple, but pretty, and distinctly Na'vi. "Thank you," she said sincerely. "It's beautiful, Neytiri. I love it."

"Remember," said Jake, "don't show yourself until we've charged. The Samson's too loud for a stealthy attack."

"I heard you the first thousand times," Trudy replied as she turned to hop into the cockpit. She smiled at the three blue creatures standing outside of her Samson, concern expressed in each of their faces. "Good luck," she offered, because it was all she had to offer. The cockpit sealed and she pulled off her mask. Netytiri and Jake both acknowledged her briefly, nodding in her direction, before turning to run off into the forest. Norm lingered a moment longer. He raised his hand in a sort of parting gesture. Trudy raised her own hand to salute him. He smiled, and saluted her in return. _Love you_, she mouthed. And then she cleared her throat, and for maybe the first time in her life, said the words out loud. "I love you."

It shouldn't have surprised her Norm wasn't fazed. After all, he already knew, didn't he? _Love you too, _he mouthed because she couldn't hear him through the glass, and he turned to run after the others.

Trudy watched him leave, and then reached for the small jar of paint. She turned it around in her hands for a few minutes, pulled on her Exo-Pack, and hopped out of the Samson to run back into the base one last time. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror once more she applied the blue and white paste around her eyes, and fastened the feather in her hair.

She spent most of her life in a jumpsuit. And if she was not in some kind of pilot attire, then she was usually in army boots and camouflage. That's what she'd worn her entire life. But today was the first time she looked like a real soldier.

A soldier.

Wow. This really was it then, wasn't it?

Trudy paused on her way out the door, the video equipment catching her eye. She sat down hesitantly in the chair, and the monitor beeped to life. She turned on the camera, cleared her throat, and began to talk.

Ten minutes later she was sitting back in her cockpit. Trudy closed her eyes. She still had a while to wait. This was unusual for a soldier. However, it was expected when you were the only human in an army of tall blue aliens.

Sometimes everything in your life leads up to a couple hours. Or a couple minutes, or the second it takes to pull a trigger. This battle would be Trudy's high point. No, it would be her _point _– her purpose, her reason for even existing, it all boiled down to the hours to come.

She spent half an hour in stillness, routinely checking over all her instruments, fiddling with the feather in her hair, and for some reason, talking to herself.

Not crazy person talking – she was reciting a poem.

It was silly, really. But it was the only poem she'd ever liked. Her father had read it to her when she was twelve, and it had stuck with her ever since. She couldn't remember all of it, but two lines in particular stuck out in her mind.

_Do not go gentle into that good night,_

_But rage, rage, against the dying of the light._

Rage. Yeah, she had a lot of that.

Her train of thought was suddenly interrupted as Jake's voice echoed in the small cockpit. It took her a moment to realize he wasn't speaking to her directly. Rather, it seemed, he was giving a speech to his new army, and had decided to let her in on it.

"The enemy is coming. They will be here in hours, if not minutes. And when they come they will bring hell with them. They will bring guns, and bombs, and planes. They will bring death.

"But we – _we_, my brothers, and my sisters – we will bring something much greater. We will bring life. Their machines will bring fire, but we will bring the fire I see in each of your faces. I see you. I see the courage in your hearts. You are honorable. You are brave. And you shall not be defeated! We will strike our enemy in the heart! We will ride out, fly out, not as many, but as one, and we will show the Sky people that they are not welcome here! Look around you. These are _your _people! This is _our _land! The land of your fathers' fathers, and of your children's children, and the land we will defend to the last beat of our hearts!"

The transmission was cut off suddenly, and Trudy leaned back in her chair, assuming Jake had taken his hand off his neck to raise it in the air instead. She waited in silence for a moment, her fingers drumming on the control panel unevenly, her own heart beating rapidly as she ran her tongue over her lips and waited for the order to fly.

Jake's voice echoed over the transmitter about ten minutes later. "Trudy, you there?" Trudy could hardly hear him over the sounds of the chaos of battle.

"I'm here. You're ready for me, I assume."

"Yes. It begins."

Trudy smiled to herself. "No, Jake. This is where it ends."

-

**DAY 93; 15:02**

Norm Spellman was discovering there's something about death that makes you strangely poetic. Maybe everyone wants to go out thinking highly of themselves – telling themselves how brave they are, or how eloquent and wise they have become. Or maybe everyone is so terrified they can't even form an original thought, and have to go with the hardly comforting words of others.

Norm and the rest of the cavalry had been waiting in silence for Jake's signal. The silence was eerie and incongruous. It felt wrong. But more than that, it felt scary.

Ever since he had been young, Norm had reacted to fear in one way – using his brain. Not necessarily to overcome whatever he was facing, but rather to distract himself. He counted square numbers – he knew up to 1,295, and could multiply from there. He scanned through the periodic table. He mentally recited rules of Na'vi grammar. And then he remembered his tenth grade English class at Barack Obama High School. His teacher was Sheri Walsh. A mostly blind, mostly deaf old woman, who read poems like prayers.

It had been March. Not necessarily freezing anymore, but still wet and gray. Norm hadn't actually listened in English for several weeks. And suddenly Ms. Walsh went off on some random tangent about sacrifice and duty and honor, and burst into poem – the same poem that was now repeating in Norm's mind.

_Half a league half a league,  
Half a league onward,  
All in the valley of Death  
Rode the six hundred:  
'Forward, the Light Brigade!  
Charge for the guns' he said:  
Into the valley of Death  
Rode the six hundred._

_'Forward, the Light Brigade!'  
Was there a man dismay'd?  
Not tho' the soldier knew  
Someone had blunder'd:  
Theirs not to make reply,  
Theirs not to reason why,  
Theirs but to do & die,  
Into the valley of Death  
Rode the six hundred._

_Cannon to right of them,  
Cannon to left of them,  
Cannon in front of them  
Volley'd & thunder'd;  
Storm'd at with shot and shell,  
Boldly they rode and well,  
Into the jaws of Death,  
Into the mouth of Hell  
Rode the six hundred._

Norm couldn't remember much past that. But for some reason, the words worked their magic on him, and when he heard Jake's orders coming over the speaker around his neck, he was ready.

"It is time?" The Na'vi leader directly to Norm's left asked.

Norm nodded. "Yes. Time to ride."

The Na'vi man smiled. "Good." He turned to face his army, and raised his bow in the air. He screamed a few words in Na'vi, and while Norm did not understand the particular dialect the man was speaking with, he understood the last word – the most important word – well enough. He raised his bow and repeated the final word to his general, to himself, to the sky.

"Charge!"

_When can their glory fade?  
O the wild charge they made!  
All the world wonder'd.  
Honour the charge they made!  
Honour the Light Brigade,  
Noble six hundred!_

-

**DAY 93; 15:20 **

"You're not the only one with a gun, bitch." She pressed her finger to the trigger and the sky in front of her exploded into metal and fire. She watched the bullets tear through the glass and armor of the aircraft, almost deliriously happy at seeing the look of confusion and shock on Quaritch's face. It felt good to be the one putting that expression there.

Trudy only had a few moments to feel good. The next minute the enemy plane opened fire.

Metal ripped through the glass and ricocheted in the Samson's interior. Trudy was suddenly blind – glass and fire shattered all around her. She tried to regain control of the Samson, but by now it was entirely up to chance where she was headed. The craft shook and veered and spun. Trudy steered it as best she could, but with little success.

She pressed the button on the strap around her neck. "Rouge one is hit. Going in." She reached forward, flipping switches and pressing buttons in a desperate attempt to land somewhat safely. She began to cough as Pandora's toxic atmosphere leaked in through the holes of the front glass and filled her lungs. She frowned, eyebrows knit together in concentration, and tried to regain control of the Samson as it bounced and lurched all over the sky.

When the red lights started flashing and the high pitched alarm went off, Trudy knew. This battle would end exactly as she had expected it to when she told Norm and Jake she wasn't looking forward to martyrdom.

Quaritch was grinning like a skull in the aircraft in front of her. She saw his mouth form the words – _fire._ She pressed the band on her neck one more time, barely managing to choke out her last words. "Sorry Jake." _Sorry Neytiri. Sorry Grace. Sorry Max. Sorry Norm. We would've been really something, you know that? We just…never had the chance. And I'm sorry. _There were a thousand things she would've said. But she didn't have time. So her last words only barely scratched the surface – sorry Jake. She opened her mouth to form three more, and they clicked out mechanically, pilot-like, emotionless. "Love you Norm."

She considered closing her eyes for a fraction of a second, but then decided that if she was going out with a bang, she might as well see it happening. So Trudy watched. She saw the green canopy rushing up to meet her. She saw the missile flying in her direction, and watched it grow larger and larger. She saw it collide. At the last instant, however, some primal instinct kicked in and she bailed out of the cockpit, ripping up her clothes and skin in the process.

Metal. Glass. Fire. Blood.

And then she was flying.

Now Trudy did shut her eyes. Her body was broken and bleeding, mangled and twisted up in itself. And yet her expression was serene.

She was going to die with the wind on her face.

-

**DAY 93; 15:24**

Not missing a beat, Norm had leapt from his fallen horse and continued running forward, screaming, shooting almost blindly. He had never enjoyed death, or war, for that matter, but this felt different. This was real. And he was fighting for something – something so worth fighting for.

The enemy was unprepared and terrified. They were fighting people they knew nothing about – it was like fighting the dark. They were falling back, and Norm continued pushing them further and further away from the Tree of Souls. They were winning, he could feel it. They were going to win. They would win and the soldiers would go back to the planet they belonged on, and there would be peace on Pandora. He was going to help rebuild the world the humans had tried so hard to destroy. Relief and adrenaline and anticipation washed over him. He even grinned as he heard the words over his transmitter. "Love you Norm."

It's funny how, in a heartbeat, exhilaration turns to dread.

He looked up upon hearing a particularly loud explosion, hoping to see that the ikran had taken out more of the gunships. Instead he caught a glimpse of something very different.

He could just see, through a break in the trees, the flaming Samson with blue and white war paint explode into a thousand small pieces. His eyes widened in panic. There, in the sky, hurtling towards the earth, was the small figure of a human. A woman. Trudy – his Trudy – was falling out of the sky.

"No!" Norm screamed loudly and unthinkingly. All thoughts of war, of victory and defeat, flew out of his mind. His heartbeat was suddenly too loud and his breathing too shallow. Something clipped his leg, made him bleed, and he stumbled.

"No!" he shouted again, but this time it caught in his throat. He stared at the macabre display in the sky, spellbound and yet wishing more than anything he could tear his gaze away. He watched until he could not see her anymore. It took him a moment to come back to himself, to realize he was screaming, to realize that, despite everything, battle was still raging all around him. His vision blurred by grief, by fear, and pain, he turned his attention towards the charging enemy.

There were more of them than he remembered. There were more Na'vi dead than he cared to see. Horses lay bleeding on the forest floor, the trees around him burned. "J-Jake, we-we're falling back," he managed to choke, turning to retreat with the rest of the cavalry. "We're getting hammered."

"Yeah, get out of there," came the fuzzy reply. Norm obeyed, and ran. He ran until his legs were tired, and his mind was numb. He turned to look behind him – of course they were still there. Still chasing them. He looked up through the trees once more, at the battle above. He couldn't tell if it was going better or worse.

Norm managed to rip his eyes away from the sky and instead turned to face the fire in front of him. He did not face it for long.

Bullets ripped through his avatar body, tearing and shredding everything they touched. Crimson blood stained the ground. Norm was thrown onto his back. He stared up at the canopy above him and waited for the darkness.

The most frightening thing about death is that it's so easy. It's peaceful, despite what anyone says, and it's final. It's a constant. Life is unpredictable. You can't count on anything from life. Death is honest. The games end. The pain ends. Everything fades into eerily familiar quiet. _And maybe I'll see Trudy again_.

Norm burst out of his pod, collapsing on the floor, panting and sweating. It took him a moment to remember he wasn't really dead. If anything, he was more alive than he'd ever been, and he wished he wasn't.

A few minutes later, Norm was back on his feet, his mask secured on his face, the gun slipping in his hands. He ran blindly through the jungle, not sure where he was going, not sure what he was doing. For all he knew, he was running away from the battle. But something inside of him told him he was not. And that same something was going to lead him to war, and to death, and to chaos, and to Trudy.

He never found her.

-

Heartbroken: _adj_. crushed with sorrow or grief

Grieving: _v._ lamenting; weeping; wailing; mourning; suffering

Lost: _adj._ having gone astray, or missed the way; bewildered as to place, time, direction, etc.

The words typed in tiny font in the dictionary were cold and meaningless. Who could explain grief? Who had come up with a definition for pain? How could the scholarly classifications of it all even matter? How did anything matter?

Norm Spellman had searched for her for hours. He had not once responded to Jake's increasingly frantic calls over the transmitter. He had not stopped to rest, to drink, to breathe. He had wacked and fought and killed his way through the forest, acting exactly like the monsters he had been so desperate to stop. He shouted himself hoarse. He broke and bled and hardly noticed. And when he couldn't go on for another hour, or another minute, or even another second, he had collapsed onto the unforgiving dirt.

And then he sobbed.

Jake found him the next day. Half-dead, exhausted, torn to shreds, and suffering from hypothermia, Norm had been unconscious for the next three days. Obscure medical terms drifted through one ear and out the other. People talked to him, and sometimes he knew what they were saying, and sometimes he had no idea.

One think he did vaguely remember was Max coming to visit him. The doctor had scraped a chair across the floor, muttered something about feeling dumb about coming to talk to someone who didn't hear him, and then was quiet for a long time before continuing.

He told Norm about his life on Earth, his decision to come to Pandora. It was simple, but he sounded almost like a guilty man confessing of his crimes, eager to get them off his chest.

"I'm sorry about Trudy," Max had said after a while. "I know how much she meant to you. Lila died six months before I came to Pandora." His voice cracked. Lila had been his wife.

"It feels like dying, doesn't it? It feels like your heart has been ripped out of your chest."

Norm didn't remember the rest of the visit, and he would not have said anything even if he did. Max had wanted to talk to an empty room. He had some things that needed to be said out loud, things that Norm probably shouldn't have heard.

But he was wrong.

As he sat in the hospital bed, silently looking out the window at the cloudy white sky, Norm realized how untrue Max's words were. This didn't feel like dying. This felt like living. His heart wasn't gone. No, if anything, it was beating stronger and louder than it had in his entire life. A constant reminder that Trudy's was not.

**It's been a great ride, guys. You've all been fabulous reviewers, and I appreciate your feedback more than you know. **

**For the record, I wanted her to live. So much. I designed her ring, named her children and taught them how to fly planes. I wanted her and Norm to grow old together on beautiful Pandora. I wanted them to fly dinosaurs into the sunset, and I wanted people to cry for joy while the credits are rolling. **

**But at the end of the day, sometimes someone's death means more than their life ever could have. And I think Trudy's death was completely tragic, but completely beautiful. **

**There'll be one more chapter after this one, posted (hopefully) at some point tomorrow. **

**Now then, as soon as you've reviewed (and there are about 35 of you who have this story on alert, so I know you want to review even though you haven't been – go on! Tell me what you think!) go listen to Tracy Chapman's "The Promise". It's an incredibly lovely song that makes me bawl, but in a cathartic kind of way. It'll be good for us. **


	8. To let it go, to let it go

**(I'm sorry this is so late – technical difficulties.)**

**And here we are. End of the road. The season finale. The dénouement (ish). **

**Again, thank you all so, so much for your lovely reviews. I adore them. Some people write for themselves; I write, act, sing, dance, etc. for other people. So when I hear that they like whatever I've given them, I'm kind of over the moon about it. **

**Now then, tissues out for this one, folks. And please, review at the end. This is your last chance. By which I mean my last chance, but you know how it goes. **

**One last thing: In case you haven't noticed, I inhale poetry. I usually try to use it more subtly…but I'm on a weird Mary Oliver kick, and I felt like the two poem segments I included in this chapter really added to Norm and Trudy's story. I hope you enjoy them, and I hope it's not overkill. But I'm fairly certain that it isn't, because they're beautifully true.**

-

_Clearly she is blind, and clearly_

_she can't rise, but they lift her, like a child,_

_and lead her away, across the graves, as though,_

_as old as anything could ever be, she was, finally,_

_perfectly finished, perfectly heartbroken, perfectly wild. _

-

**ONE YEAR LATER**

_Click._

"Dr. Norm Spellman here. Location: Hell's Gate. Time: oh nine hundred hours. Thursday the fifteenth.

"I know I haven't done a video log in a really, really long time. But there's been a lot to do. Anyway, things now are going really well. The Omaticaya relocated to a new tree a few months ago, and from what Jake tells me they've really settled in. Of course they can't ever forget what happened, forget the tragedy of the death – but it's easier for them to get over that then it is for humans. They mourn what they've lost, but they also realize they haven't really lost it. They have incredible, beautiful ways to remember their loved ones. Their ancestors, their friends, still live.

"Furthermore, Max is a saint. He fixed up my avatar. Took him a while, but he managed it. Mo'at helped out some too – now _there's _a potent combination. Medicine woman meets chief scientist. She actually likes him, though, in that sort of optimistic, you don't know anything, stupid inferior life form kind of way. They're constantly vying for credit for my recovery. But never mind who saved the avatar, the point is that it's alive. I'm out in it almost every day, working in the new Hometree – the Na'vi word for the place loosely translates as "sanctuary" – and, of course, still collecting samples. We understand the magnificent ways that every living thing in the forest can connect to every other living thing, and it's so interesting, and beautiful. There's still so much to do here, though.

"Speaking of having a lot to do, Jake's taken on his two most difficult roles ever: clan leader, and new father. Neytiri had a baby about a month ago. They named her Atan'ite. Light daughter. She's beautiful; quite, sleepy, and of course I'm her favorite "uncle". She's the most adorable little thing on the planet, and when she looks at you it's like you're the most important perosn in the world. I wish…" Norm swallowed, and looked down at his scarred hands. "I wish I had something like that." He looked up quickly as someone entered the room, and then smiled. "Oh. Hey, Max. I was just talking about you."

"Hopefully all good things." Max waved halfheartedly at the camera. "Hey, future generations. Keep it real."

Norm rolled his eyes. "Can I help you?"

"Actually, I had something for you. We finally got around to going through the wreckage of base 26."

Recognition dawned on Norm. "The base in the Hallelujah Mountains I lived in forever ago."

Max nodded. "Yeah. We're still going through a lot of it, but there's something we found there, and I thought…I thought you might want it." He handed Norm a small disc. "We haven't looked at it yet," he said. "We don't even know what's on it, but it seems in working condition, and…I thought you'd appreciate it."

Norm took the disk. In faded Sharpie were a few words scribbled on it: _For Norm, from Trudy. _His heart thudded unevenly in his chest. "Thanks, Max," he said finally. "I…this is great. Yes, thank you." He stood to shake the doctor's hand.

"Don't mention it." Something beeped and Max dejectedly pulled out his pager. "Aw, crap. Look, I've got to go, but, uh," he waved at the camera again, "Stay in school. Don't smoke on airplanes. Major in xenobiology." He smiled at Norm. "Bye Norm."

"Bye."

Max turned and left, the door clicking shut behind him. Norm sat down in a chair. "Sorry," he said halfheartedly to the camera. "I know the whole watching a screen on a screen thing is a little obnoxious, but…" he shrugged, and popped it into his laptop, in sight of his camera.

Seeing her suddenly in front of him, as easy as that…it was shocking. Norm jumped slightly, eyes widening. She was leaning forward, cursing under her breath as she fiddled with the camera. He lifted his hand to touch the screen – to touch _her_, she was so close – but at the last minute balled it into a fist and put it down. Trudy looked into the camera.

"Hm. Okay, let's pretend this is on." She sat down. "Well…Trudy Chacon here. I'm the one you don't know. Usually it's Grace, or Jake, or Norm doing these things, but they're a little busy right now, with trying to save Grace's life and all. So it's just me here now."

"And" she continued, "I guess this is it." She leaned back in her chair, spun around in it a few times absentmindedly. "You know, it's funny. I probably should be angry. After all, this didn't have to be the end. This didn't have to be my battle." She shrugged. "But I'm not mad. I had a pretty good run of it. I mean, I flew, I laughed, I cried, I fell in love. More than most people get to do. So I guess I'm one of the lucky ones." She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her head on them. "Still though, it does kind of suck. Ugh, who am I kidding, it sucks a lot."

A small smile tugged at the corner of Norm's lip. He glanced at his own camera, opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it and looked back at the screen. That was so Trudy. Telling it like it was. They were at war, and…frankly, it _had_ sucked.

"But I can't complain. For one thing…I owe it to Eywa, or the Omaticaya, or at least to myself to be here. I didn't do anything to stop things from getting this far. I'm gonna have to make up for that one in a big way. So martyrdom should cover it.

"Don't get me wrong. I don't want to die." Her shoulders sagged. "Heaven knows I don't want to die," she said quietly, staring into nothing in particular. She suddenly looked back up. "Ahem. Sorry. Anyway, as I was saying, it doesn't much matter what I want. I don't think I'm going to survive this one, but…that's going to be okay. Because at least I'm here. And that's what matters, right?" She sighed, and reached into her pocket, and pulled out two folded pieces of paper.

"This," she said, holding up the first, "is a letter for Izzy. It's not that important, and it's not for you. But this…" She held up the second paper, smaller and crisper than the first. "Do you have any idea what it is?" She unfolded it, and held it to the camera. "It's a boarding pass. I was going to leave tonight.

Norm's eyebrows came together and he frowned. That…that couldn't be right. The Trudy he knew was not afraid to face anything. She wouldn't – _couldn't _– be able to run away in the middle of a fight.

"I bought it this morning. Didn't come cheap either, but I was desperate. Norm – cause I assume it's Norm who's watching this – the things you said to me, the other morning…they really, really hurt. And I'm not going to pretend that I'm okay with it, because I'm not. And I never will be. There are something things that, once they're out in the open, can't be taken back."

He had picked a fight with her mere days before she had sacrificed herself to a cause that wasn't hers. How could he have been so stupid? He had called her self-serving, egotistical, ignorant – perhaps not in so many words, but close enough. The message was the same. He had told her she was a horrible person. She hadn't died to prove him wrong, had she? No…no, of course not. First of all, she had obviously sacrificed herself because it _had_ been her cause. She was truly willing to die for what she believed was right. And secondly…Norm had to believe that. If he ever allowed himself to think, even for a moment, that perhaps he had caused her death… It would kill him.

Trudy's eyes were sad and wise beyond her years. "See kid, here's the difference between you and me…we're crazy about each other. But when you look at me, your head hurts. And when I look at you…" she trailed off, and stared at the floor for a moment before looking back up at the camera. "I look at you and my _heart _hurts, Norm. That's why I'm no good for you. So I put on a brave face, and tried to imagine you with the woman who is everything I couldn't be. I even finished packing. And it would break my heart, but…I always…I don't know…I thought we'd always have Paris," she quoted with a grim smile.

"But Norm, I don't want Paris. I want the whole damn planet. I want _you._"

Norm's eyes widened. "I want you too," he muttered unknowingly to the camera. And it was true. He wanted her so much it hurt. It had hurt for the past year. And it would hurt for many years to come.

"I know that I would've been fine without you. But I couldn't bear it if I ever stopped myself one day, and thought of you, and realized I'd been forgotten by a person I could never forget. Frankly, I'd rather die."

Both Trudy and Norm were still for a moment perpetually stretched to eternity and back, his sad eyes glued to her downcast ones. Norm's breathing was too loud and too ragged, but he hardly noticed. He was mesmerized. Here, inches in front of him, was the one thing he had never dared hope for, the one thing he had ended up wanting more than anything, and the one thing he had not been able to hold on tight enough to.

Trudy looked up too fast, her words tripping over themselves. "So that's what I'm doing. I'm going to die. Of course, maybe some miracle will swoop down out of nowhere and save my ass. But chances are, I'm not going to make it.

"I don't want to die," she repeated, and for the first time, a tear ran down her cheek and dripped off her chin. "Norm, I'd give anything for a long, happy life with you. Anything. But that's not how it's supposed to work out. We can't expect things to end up exactly the way we want them."

"Yes it was," Norm replied, his voice hoarse. "That's exactly what I expected." A long, happy life. All it would have required was Trudy, and the beautiful Pandorian sky. Two things that could have kept him happy forever, and he had lost one.

"It's not going to be easy. Hell, it's not easy right now." The tears were rolling down her face in earnest now. "But spending the rest of my life knowing I could have done the right thing?" She shook her head. "That would be harder.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this is how it played out – how it was always going to play out. I just…I didn't think it would hurt this much.

"But I love you, Norm. And these past months, being able to really _live_…that's more than worth dying for.

"Besides, I'm not gone. Not really. I'm…I'm here." She put her hand over her chest. "Right here, okay? Always." She stared at the camera, melancholy and hopeful and utterly destroyed.

"Truds, you about ready?" Jake asked over the static, making Trudy jump a little. She quickly wiped away the tears with the back of her hand and pressed the device around her neck.

"Yeah, Jake. We're all good here."

"Good. Stand by."

"Copy that." Trudy smiled wistfully. "Well babe, gotta go. Duty calls." Her smile vanished. "I love you, Norm. I love you so much and you're never even going to know." She laughed, and the sound was short and forced. "Never going to know." She shook her head, ignoring the teardrops rolling down her face, and leaned forward to click away the last time Norm would ever see her. The laptop screen faded to black.

Norm released the breath he had been holding, then turned suddenly to look straight into the camera, eyes wild. He leaned forward, and couldn't turn it off fast enough. The screen darkened.

-

They say that you never truly leave the people you love. Rather, you take some of them with you, and leave some of yourself behind.

This isn't another fairy tale cliché. It's not an inspirational "quote of the day", or a writing prompt, or a saying to be plastered onto "Pass It On" billboards across a dying country. It's not common knowledge, but it's no secret either. It's not pointless, and it's not overbearing. It's just the truth, plain and simple.

Norm Spellman had Trudy Chacon's heart, and had given his own to her completely. They had more than a piece of each other. They had everything.

So she never truly left. She's never truly gone. No, she is with Eywa; she's in memories; she's in the wind; she's in the face of someone who has just learned to fly; she's in the battle cry that rages down the hill; she's in the smile of every person who falls deeply into love.

And she's in the heart.

Sometimes, though, it's hard to remember that. Sometimes you have to cry, and sometimes you have to hurt, and sometimes you have to forget before you can remember. It doesn't make sense, but it's another one of those things that doesn't have to make sense, because it's dazzlingly, heartbreakingly, gloriously true.

-

When Norm's face appeared once more, his eyes were red and swollen, but there was not a tear on his face. His voice was low and even. "Trudy Chacon is the best thing that ever happened to me," he said slowly. "She gave me something to love, she made me a better person. She made me _human._ And it doesn't matter that she isn't living here today. It matters that she lived at all.

"But she's gone now, and she isn't coming back. And it's terrible, yes, but…but I'm, uh…"

Norm stared at the camera for a moment, heartbreak etched into every line of his face. He blinked a few times, cleared his throat, and nodded. "I'm fine."

-

_Every year  
everything  
I have ever learned__**.**_

_in my lifetime  
leads back to this: the fires  
and the black river of loss  
whose other side_

_is salvation,  
whose meaning  
none of us will ever know.  
To live in this world_

_you must be able  
to do three things:  
to love what is mortal;  
to hold it_

_against your bones knowing  
your own life depends on it;  
and, when the time comes to let it go,  
to let it go_


End file.
